Hi guys, thanks in advance for any help on this. Just looking for some second opinions on this situation since it's easy to get blind to things when you're stuck in with 1 girl.

So a little bit of background about the girl and the relationship:

She is a HB8 and Spanish. I met her when she was working behind the bar of an exclusive bar in Spain back in 2012. I am a natural but also been developing myself and my game for a good few years, so I was out on my own that night and got the number close. I headed back to London the next day and kept in touch, 3 weeks later she came to visit me in London and stayed with me for a week. After that we had a long distance relationship for a year, visiting eachother for 2 weeks at a time every other month. After a year this got difficult (I moved to Zurich and she didn't like it) so we broke up. A month later after I worked to get back together, I got back with her and I moved to Spain to be with her. After a year and a half we broke up again.

She is very hot by anyone's standards, so can get any guy she wants. She is extremely stubborn and seems to live inside her head a lot of the time, trying to analyse situations and overthink things. So sometimes a situation can be not that bad but she will think about it so much until she's convinced it's a problem.

Cause of the break-up:

I run my own business and had some money problems for a while which put some pressure on the relationship (no financial stability). She doesn't live with me, she lives with her parents, but this seemed to affect her a lot. I was very loving in the relationship and treated her well (although, she doesn't know, I struggle a lot with monogamy as I always seem to attract situations where girls are laid on a plate for me). She became more and more distant with me and stopped spending so much time with me, always busy wanting to go out with work friends. Then her mum got diagnosed with cancer and BANG our relationship was gone. She told me that she needs to be alone to deal with the situation - didn't want me to support her or anything. So I respected her decision, not wanting to make things worse for her, and I left her alone without any emotional pressure (I did give a passionate monologue before leaving things though )

The situation now:

Since then I have been on a rampage, I've been with quite a lot of girls (it's been 6 months now) and they have all been HB8 or 9s, but I had no connection with them so started wanting to get back together with my ex. I found out that my ex had also been in a relationship with someone else in between but broke up with them since she couldn't connect with them - this completely goes against her reasons for breaking up with me, which pissed me off a bit, but I moved on from those feelings of anger.

So I got back in touch with her and told her I wanted to try again. We met up a few times and she was 'thinking about it'. She keeps telling me I look great these days and that she loves me so much. I invited her to my apartment to "have dinner, watch a film, then go to bed" and she said she needed to think about it as it was an important thing - then told me she thinks it's better we don't do that, as she's not ready yet. So I'm getting mixed signs: on one hand she is still attracted to me, we still have the spark and she says she loves me (I'm an amazing person bla bla same old girl shit), but on the other hand, she says she's not ready and it's impossible when we meet up to gain any sort of affectionate touching going on, she's very distant.

Next steps

She knows that if we don't get back together then I will be leaving Spain and moving back to London. I may have shot my load too early in saying that, since I am still here and haven't left yet, so maybe she is wondering what I'm still doing here. I can probably get her to meet me another time or 2 before I go. So far when we meet, I have given her space, not tried too much kino and tried not to be too full on, since I don't want to put her under pressure. Perhaps this is the wrong thing?

Really I'm looking for some guidance first of all on whether I am right in thinking I should keep trying here, and also about what approach I should take to fixing this situation. For me, from a logical point of view, it has all the signs that she wants to get back together. She admits she is being an idiot by not getting back together and that she will regret it - it makes me think maybe she is with somebody now but not telling me. What do you think I should do? Is this typical female mindfuckery or am I reading the signs right that I should keep trying?

Thanks again

I agree, but don't meet logic with logic. Even for a girl who you have previously had a LTR with, they want to feel that things "just happened." So laying it out as in "come over for a movie, dinner and we'll go to bed" forced her to go "all in" right there in that sterile environment on getting things back 100% with you as opposed to "hey lets grab a bite" and then just letting things flow from there naturally, ideally to the bedroom.

Set your logistics just like you did with the other HB8s and HB9s and try to have a situation where you are able to have her feeling the emotions of being with you just like before (out on a 'date', having sex, etc).

Rather than having her agree "ok we're back together again" almost as though she is signing a contract or something, once she's swept up in the emotions of being swept off her feet, her brain may tell her that because X, Y, Z has happened and because she is presently FEELING in a certain way, that the two of you are 'back together' again.

Hope this helps.

Thanks for the response - your thoughts about what to do pretty much echo what I am thinking, it's almost like I need to treat it like a first date again.

Just to mention - I only suggested coming over having dinner and watching a film after we had met up again a few times. It wasn't just out of the blue as a suggestion, we had already met up and spoken about things and she had been saying she knows she is being stupid etc. so that was like a 'last throw of the dice' and I even told her it that way, that she should come over and see how she feels otherwise we'll leave it.

The issue is, after being in a LTR with her, it's tough to revert back to first date type stuff, she's very in-tune with the connection we have etc. so she will see what I'm up to straight away.

Of course, there are ways around that and I can find a way, just a bit of a mind fuck!

I wouldn't treat it as anything overly special or in any kind of a first date vibe, but more of the two of you, as you presently are, are out to do X (whatever activity) or she comes over or whatever, and just go with the flow and see if things lead naturally to the two of you not being able to keep your hands off of eachother, and on from there. I feel like if you had sex again it would help her to justify that the relationship should resume, but obviously you know her better than I do.

You know, it feels a bit like the balance is in my favour but there's some sort of last barrier or something stopping it from happening, or I just need the penny to drop for her.

Appreciate your advice a lot - it makes sense to me and you're right.

As her responses were making no sense to me (wanting to be together but not ready, loves me but can't be with me etc. etc.) I decided to ask the question I've been wondering for a while, whether she is actually with someone at the moment.

The answer.... "Yes, something like that. Sorry".

So this now brings up a few things - I gave her the chance on the first meet-up to tell me she's with someone and I would back-off. She has also been telling me she loves me etc. which is not fair to the other guy she's with.

As I love her and feel the connection with her still, I still partly want her back, but now I'm pissed off about the lies.

What do you think?

Just to note - I have no problem getting hot girls and I'm never without a girl really, so that makes it clear for me when I have something more special with someone, since I'm not desperate and getting stuck on the first girl I see. So the relationship means a lot to me, just want to see what other people's thoughts are in case I'm just seeing this all through rose-tinted glasses and should actually be nexting her.

If it were me i would just move on. The alternative is to still invite her over and escalate to sex, where afterwards she has to make a decision between the two of you. Bonus for moving on is since people generally want what they can't have she might come crawling back like a returning fox where you can then set the terms for the new relationship. There are other ways to play this and other ways of thinking about this somewhat complex situation, these are just the thoughts of one person.

By even questioning whether or not illustrates a disconnect as well as scarcity. If a woman with no baggage or shitty history were readily available, it would be a no brainer as for what to do next. For me, when women come around after having gone mia, its always as a rebound, fallback, and I have refused sex. the reason being, she just jumped off someone, may or may not be pregnant, and I am not about to lose my hair over her predicament. I notice more and more men are shoe horning themselves into women and their problems. If cold approach has taught me anything, there are very few women I have long term chemistry and connection with. I am not suppose to be with the woman who wants to get destroyed by a handful of men while doing cocaine in the toilet.