Been talking to this girl for a month. Super cool, HB 7.5-8, 28 year old. I am 29. We met on OK Cupid.

So far we have a lot of fun together. 4 dates in total which we spend at least 6 hours with each other because she lives about 35 miles away. We have had sex on 2 occasions and sex was great. Both times lasted more than an hour so I know there is not a problem there. We have been showing PDA for the last two dates and the rapport is strong. I make her laugh a lot and feel totally comfortable being silly with her.

Here is what I'm confused about. I reached out to her to make sure we were both on the same page - I mentioned to her that I like her and that I can see myself with someone like her - I told her that I'd be down to take things up a notch if she is. She asks me what I'm looking for, and I told her I want a "sidekick".

She knows I like her a lot and She told me that she's not ready for a relationship and is "lost" and still trying to find what she wants. She understands that she takes things very slow and that I'm not entitled to wait. She says she's ok with being solo for now. However, she is not actively dating and is only seeing me. I told her that it's totally fine and I just wanted to make sure that both of us understand each other.

What's great about this girl is we have mature communication between one another. However, after this conversation, I feel like our dynamic is a little off.

How do you guys think I should proceed? We contact everyday. Should I back off a bit or stay the same way? I tend to ALWAYS initiate contact and she very rarely does. Should I freeze her out a bit and give her space? The last thing I want to do is be needy or clingy and act like there something more that's not really there.

Thanks.

ease up a little man, she's having sex with you! be happy for that. She probably just needs a little time before jumping into something, you're the man here remember? she should be the one jumping at you to get in a relationship

hey man, here are some pointers:

first, you need to slow it down with the "i like you" talk. never tell her you like her before she says she likes you first. also cut the "take things up a notch" talk as well. again, she needs to be pursuing you, wondering if you really like her. 4 dates is not nearly enough time for a woman to know if she wants to date you longterm. you're not in the clear until 10-12 excellent dates. then if she likes you she'll make it known and you can respond affirmatively.
this generally means there are other guys on her radar and she's testing each guy out to see which one she likes best (ah such a luxury to be a woman in our era). think about it, if a girl is crazy about you, she's not gonna say something like that and risk losing you to another woman. but the problem is you're already making it so explicit that you like her, you're presenting her with no sort of challenge to keep her interested. and while she may say she's not sleeping with anyone else, you can never really be sure. what you'll find if you meet enough women is that they are very careful not to come off as sluts, so they'll keep their sexual exploits to themselves. not saying this girl is banging other guys at the same time, but i always assume that i'm not the only guy a girl is talking to, making out with, spending the night with, fucking, etc.
yeah you have the right idea here. you need to not text her again until she texts you. and you need to let her start initiating most of the texts. and you need to be unpredictable. you need to not be available every time she wants to hang out. you also need to hit on and hang out with other girls so you don't fall into one-itis territory. a lot of guys seem to come to this forum right at this stage, where they go on a few dates with a girl, bang her, and then try to get her to gf status... the girl isn't gonna move that fast. and saying you like her and want her exclusively after only a few dates screams desperation and a lack of options, none of which is attractive to women.

so slow it down, stop saying you like her, make her hit you up first, and don't be available every time she wants to hang out. also tone down the "deep conversations." continue fucking her for over an hour each time... point blank that's the best way to get her liking you.

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You must be overconfident and cocksure, even if you haven't got a god damn thing in the world going for you. And you must fail with women until you do not fear the possibility of failure, whereupon you will succeed wildly.

Yes.

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Thanks a lot guys. This is exactly what I needed to hear. I been dating around for a while with mediocre girls that don't spark my interest as much as this one and I guess I got carried away with putting her on a pedestal for a bit.

update:

I felt our dynamic changed and things got a little awkward a bit. She started being a little distant and started trying less - maybe because she wasn't THAT into me (?), or shes just not ready for a commitment at the moment and just wanted to fuck (?) - whatever it was, the rapport definitely changed and I regret bringing anything up. But hey - I was being considerate of both of our time and just wanted to be straight forward - and a part of me felt that it was the Alpha thing to do - to throw the ball on her court not worrying about whether I get rejected or not (?) - what do you guys think? Maybe I'm wrong.

Anyhow, So I stopped contacting her for almost a week (previously we would chat it up almost everyday or at least every other day via text or phone). As I was getting over the whole "Fuck I feel like I screwed up" and accepting what I did and learning from it, she texts me out of no where to say good morning and we started up small talk. When she starts contacting again, how should I be? My natural instinct is to be myself and act like nothing awkward happen.

I feel like she is maybe checking in if Im still interested. Do I keep letting her text me or should I still keep playing it cool and keep letting her do the work? Would she start feeling like im losing interest?

-Ess-P