Hey,

Recently I'm dating a girl for about one and a half month, usually everything is GREAT, is looks like the girl that really suit for me, both of us talking about taking this relationship for serious and long.
But sometimes there are days like I feel she doesn't really want me close, we can have a fantastic week together when she always looking for being with me but then few days that I feel like I really need to chase her for getting her attention(and when I dont chase her, she complain about me not giving her the attention she used to). And the biggest problem for me is that she doesn't want to title it yet as a relationship, don't want me to be called her boyfriend, and still keep it almost as a secret(she does tell about me for some of her friends, even interduced me to to her closest friends, but don't want that more of her close friends would know). We are serving in the same basement(here veryone has to be in the army for 2-3 years), and she doesnt want anyone there to know about us, she told about me just to one friend there and when I told about it to someone she almost lost her mind.

I have to admit that this is my first real relationship, not because I'm not doing well with girls(actually I as a kid I was inconfident and fat, but I grew as pretty confident male who is doing alot of sport and great looking), it isn't uncommon that girls are flirtting with me(actually she is the one who began talking with me at the first place), but I waited for a girl who I would really want for long serious relationship.
Because I'm unexeprienced I don't know how normal her behavior is, her reason for not being ready for real relationship yet is because she broke up from her ex after 2.5 years not too long time ago, and didnt want another man this time(but then she met me and blabla...). It DOES make sense but yet I don't love this insecure place, if she really want me, just be with me and don't take the chance that you would lose me...

Beacuse in the last days she was distant again(and yestorday I was distant too, whant made her today looking for me in all of our basement), I couldn't not reading a bit about this situation and this article look just like what happening to me with her... http://www.lovepanky.com/men/dating-wom ... ing-you-on almost all of this "signs" are here, and even if I dont really belive in those articles I can't just ingnore it.

I'm really didnt want to make her choose if she absolutely with me or not, but I'm thinking about doing with her that conversation today...

Do you think its acceptable for her to tell who she wants about you guys, but you aren't allowed to say anything? The way she's treating you isn't normal in the least. Its definitely not fair to you.

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I'm not sure if I got your point... Do you talk about me and her ex?

Now I guess we are in some kind of ego game and I HATE THAT, I think its the first time that we both aren't sending messages for about 5 hours and obviously we both waiting for the other to send(and few days before we said that probably today we will go out after a week we couldn't meet outside the base), I hate these games but I really feel like I can't be the one that... send the first message this time.

Do you think I should tell her that I can't continue like that and if we aren't officialy together this relationship isn't for me, or should I give it some time(don't want to put pressure on her, but I cant being in this insecure place no matter how badly I want her).

This is what I'm talking about:She's free to tell whoever she wants about the two of you and you're not allowed to tell anyone. It's not fair to you, in my opinion. I wouldn't be with anyone who doesn't treat me fairly.

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Nmm... I really want to check this matter, she did gave me some kind of exuce about that, never mind what the story exacly is... But I will check if the exuce is really what bother her or she really was just unfair.

What do you think about that she didn't title us yet, should I talk about that again or just 1.5 month is too early(especially if she just broke up from her ex)?
And about that sometimes it feels like I need to chase her? My guess is that she just try to be a bit hard to get, but considering that she refuse to treat me as boyfriend yet... Maybe she take me just as rebound or leading me on and not really looking for serious relationship as she says?

At the risk of starting another ridiculous thread...I'll give you the same advice I gave another poster. If you don't like the way a relationship is going, either you change the dynamic to the way you want it or you get out. If putting a title on it is important to you, it needs to happen for you. If she's not ready for that title, then you have to decide if you can be happy with that.

You did say that you guys both talked about being in a relationship, so you know she has that view for the future. You also said everything is usually great. My only issue is that you have described an unfair restriction on you. But you said she also gave you a reason for that unfair restriction...I'd love to hear what it is.

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As I said, we both serving in the same basement in the army(in this month we both leave this place), I'm a solider in the prison service where there are soliders in their must-period time(18-21 years old, like me) and people that this is their job. She is a solider there too but her job is taking care of other soliders, who have problems in their families(usualy finance). Her exuce was that her friend isn't solider and the important point for her is not letting the other soliders to know about us.
I really want to ask her if that ok if I tell a female friend of mine who isn't solider too about us... Because I dont really see a difference so that exuce is a bit strange for me.

Would like to hear more opnions here...

A little update, yestorday execpt of a good morning she sent me, and two random message(one asking me something about a topic I know, and one just telling me something), we didnt talk. I was distant and cold, even if I really hate being like that, and she didnt try more than this.
today morning I decided to send a good morning and later I called her telling I want to meet today and talk about everything.
She told me she wasn't sure anymore if I want being with her, ofc I told her that I'm not trying to break up with her and really want to solve our problems.
When I asked her if she still interesting in me, she said yes, but it's complicated and there is something beyond that.

Should I ask her to title us as gf and bf again, or is it too early anyway?
Should I talk about her cold and hot attitude, and telling that it make me insecure about our relationship and her feeling(it's really make me kind of paranoid... even if I know I shouldn't), or asking if there is another guy,or maybe the ex, she was talking with recently, even that she said she commited to me? Or will it look like I'm insecure?
How sould I react for this "beyond thing" she will tell me, if it is her ex, or her feeling to me, or something like "want to slow it down"? Trying not to break up with her and yet not giving up on what's important for me.

This is a very strange situation that you allow yourself to be in. She is bending your will to fit her needs.

If it were me, I'd think that there was another guy that she doesn't want me to know about but the people that she works directly with are aware of. So she's probably protecting her reputation at work. But there's no way to be sure about that. She's putting you in the position to be paranoid and I don't blame you for being that. What I do blame you for is allowing for that behavior from someone that says she's committed to you.
Before you can be helped with this, ask yourself what are you willing to do to get this back on track?

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As jack said she's causing you to be paranoid. Could be another guy. Could be she's private and the way your army is it may actually be a good move to keep it private. Could be she's not serious about you and your just a rebound. Talk to her

Umm... Just came back after talking to her,

Now I understand everything... a week and half ago her ex began talking to her, trying to get her back.
They are talking now and she felt guilty and couldnt meet me and blabla until she will find out what she really want.

She says her feeling toward me is stronger, but it confusing because she used to be with him and with him everything is known...
She still kiss only me and things like that, she told me she met him just once and promised they did nothing but talking.

I really don't know what to do now... feel like if I would give her an ultimatum it will just keep her away, and she still talks about future with me, and it's look like she only confused because he now talk to her and it's bring memories back.
But yet... is it right to let her decide between us as I just wait as a dumb for her answer?

This girl sounds like she's full of shit and playing you.

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