For the past couple of days I had been dealing with this lump sitting in my solar plexus and the constant nudge of it their made it a challenge for me to focus on fully contributing to my own life. While writing and doing consultations I would have to pause momentarily just to address the knot. It wasn’t painful or anything, it was just a bit uncomfortable and I made the mistake of being ungrateful by wishing that it would just go away. I tried meditating, praying, deep breathing, exercising, and sleeping on it and those were all just temporary fixes to a deeper problem. They worked for 10-20 minutes just because they provided an outlet for distraction, but the knot would creep right back into my gut and there I was… Finding myself in a state of worry; feeling as if this knot must mean that something is wrong within my relationships. I didn’t realize that the knot was nothing more than a test from life in itself. The knot had nothing to do with anyone but me, the knot was an answer to my past prayers. The knot was an answer to my prayer to receive true freedom, to develop strength, happiness, and humor in the face of all situations. If I couldn’t deal with and live through a little knot in my gut, what on earth was I going to do when the bigger challenges in life threw themselves at me? What kind of man allows something so small to prevent him from living and loving as freely as he once had? For a moment I did, but I was determined to figure it out.
I had always been so full of love and so willing to give that love to whoever and whatever was willing to receive it. That love had stemmed from the love I have for myself. I love my friends so deeply, I love my woman so deeply, and I love life so deeply because I love myself so deeply. Everything that I put out to others is a reflection of the love of self that I have going on within me. I understood that I don’t love my friends just because of them, I don’t love my women just because of her, I don’t love my life purpose just because of it; sure they are all amazing in their unique ways, but the true reason for the love I have for all things is a direct reflection of my love of self. You see, everything is a reflection of self. The world that we see is just a mirror reflecting back to us what is truly going on inside of us, and because I had been plagued by the knot in my gut, I wasn’t loving life, my woman, or my friends as deeply as I once had and they all felt it. Naturally the knot had placed a gap in-between my relationships with others because it had placed a gap in-between my relationship with myself. I wanted help with the knot, I wanted some external source to stand in the way and help remove the knot from me, but it wasn’t no ones problem but my own. I decided to take full responsibility and I finally came to the realization that caused the knot to begin to diminish.
I realized that life is a series of test and celebrations; and if you petition to life that you want to be the greatest at life then you are going to encounter test that are greater than that of everyone else’s. A man that wants to be mediocre will only encounter test in his life that are mediocre, a man that wants to be average will encounter the average test that everyone else faces, but the man that wants to be great had better get ready to tackle some trails and tribulations. Has there ever been a great man that didn’t struggle? No. So what on earth made me think that I was the acceptation? Why did I let something as small as an insignificant as a knot slow me down in anyway…
I have always struggled, I had always suffered, my life to me seemed like a constant battle. I remember when I would look up to the sky and ask God if he could just give me a break. “How much more did I have to tolerate?” “Haven’t i struggled enough? Aren’t I still struggling? Why are you throwing struggle on top of struggle ? “
And then I would ask for God to make me “Great” and I didn’t realize the irony in that until now.
I began to understand that it is wrong for me to wish and pray that my struggles go away. I wasn’t given them for them to be taken from me. If they are eventually removed from my life that is great, but thats not what they are there for. They are there because I am to learn how to continue being happy, loving, strong, and humorous despite whatever it is that is going on around or inside of me. The world need not effected by my life challenges; they didn’t cause them, so why should they experience a reduction in my level of giving for something they had nothing to do with? The cause of my challenges were between...
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