Yeah this is a text message breakup thing

This is the exact reason I told you just go on the trip and not worry about it until it's over. You made it clear that you only want advice on how to fix an unfaithful, narcissistic, unworthy girlfriend. No one here can help you with this unless you are willing to do what's right for yourself.

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mpuaforum.proboards.com

So today she decided to tell my roommate and I that she didn't want to come back to our city, and that she wanted to move interstate in a year's time. There's no real reason or explanation, she doesn't know anyone interstate, and she's never mentioned this before. I figured this was enough and it was time to start actually talking to her when things were wrong, instead of ignoring it.

I tried to start with a concerned approach as I didn't want to be all blaming and make her defensive + feel like I was making it too much about myself

Here's us failing at communication:

you are acting like the submissive one in the relationship. women hate this. they want a strong man not someone who has to tip toe around out of consideration for their feelings.

you need to stop asking what's wrong with her. stop listing all of her actions and asking her why she's doing what she's doing and feeling what she's feeling. not only will you not get a legit response but again you will come off as beta and overly sensitive. you are basically her lap dog right now, waiting by her side while she goes and frolics around abroad.

here is what you need to do to regain the power in your relationship and reignite her attraction to you (unless it's already completely gone, in which case there's not much you can do):

1. never text her or email her first again while she is abroad. make her contact you first every time.
2. be very vague with what you are doing. no deep conversations. no itemizations of your daily activity. imply you're having an awesome time without her, and with other girls.
3. tease her. flirt with her. neg her. she's your girlfriend not your sister.
4. talk about how "cool" and "interesting" one of her pretty friends is.
5. seriously consider asking her if it's cool to hook up with the roommate while she's gone.
6. meet new girls while she's over there meeting new guys. get some sort of backup situation set up so you're not depressed and completely alone when she moves away and meets somebody else.


this woman is not taking this relationship seriously whatsoever. those texts sound like the texts you get when you're getting cheated on. she's acting sketchy as fuck and then pretending everything is all good with really brief statements. i'd break up with this girl in a heartbeat and do it as coldly as possible but you're not gonna do that so just try what i said above and at least save face.

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You must be overconfident and cocksure, even if you haven't got a god damn thing in the world going for you. And you must fail with women until you do not fear the possibility of failure, whereupon you will succeed wildly.

This is the first time I've done this to her in about a year, just so you know

Originally I was going to play it off like I didn't care, but everyone kept telling me that I need to bring it up when she does disrespectful things, or else she'd think that it was okay to do these things. So that's what I attempted to do - I started off trying to say "I can see that you're stressed" (since she made lots of posts a few weeks ago about being depressed), but of course she denied everything - and I didn't have much options left at that point

She still hasn't replied to the last message, after she does, where would you recommend taking the convo from there?

you need to unlearn a lot of bad habits it seems. there's a 21st century disney way of looking at relationships and it's unfortunately costing a lot of guys their girlfriends. your girlfriend should never treat you this way. you should never allow it. but by now, it's far too late in the relationship to really save it. especially since she's abroad and meeting other guys. she has all the power.

listen to me: the fact that she did not even respond to that last text is absolutely inexcusable man. you are legitimately concerned about her; she just said she was moving to another fucking city... and she doesn't even bother to respond to you? that isn't acceptable whatsoever. it's an asshole thing to do.

if she's not gonna respond to you when you reach out this earnestly then never reach out again. have some god damn pride in yourself. you got her, you can get a better girl too.
look man, she's a zillion miles away. you HAVE to avoid serious conversations until she is back. she is going to associate you with pestering and worrying and nagging. you go live your fucking life and only respond to her when she says interesting shit to you. nothing else. if she gives you a one word response to that spanish inquisition you just gave her about changing the relationship status and moving away etc., then your response should be the word "gay" or "pfft" or a random funny picture you found that has nothing to do with her, just to fuck with her. and then you DO NOT contact her until she contacts you. nothing. don't even ask how she's doing. even if you don't hear from her for a month. maintain your frame. make her come to you. and when she contacts you give her one word responses and be vague. and do all the shit i listed out in my other post.

you don't want to "take the conversation" anywhere. you want her to start wondering what the fuck you're up to. that's the only way you will have a chance in hell at this point.

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You must be overconfident and cocksure, even if you haven't got a god damn thing in the world going for you. And you must fail with women until you do not fear the possibility of failure, whereupon you will succeed wildly.

This ffs.

She finally replied:
I'm going to take chantos' advice to bail on this conversation, focus on my life until our holiday, and just make her wonder about what I'm up to. What's the best way to reply to this to begin doing that? It would be good if I could say something to make her realise that I'm not stressed and that I'm just reacting to her bullshit like a normal person would, but I don't see a way to do that.

Just read it and never respond until she messages me again with something worth responding to?
Be annoying and say "Alright" or "If you say so" and leave it at that?
Something like "Yeah I guess I'll feel better after we go to [some club] after my exam tomorrow" and then tomorrow "Is it all good if I hook up tonight?"?
Something like "No, it's just stressful to try and be good in a relationship when you seem to look forward to time apart more than time together. Maybe we need to take a break until our holiday"?

I got no idea

okay kid you are in deep fucking waters and you need to do exactly what i am about to tell you. all those responses you wrote are only going to hurt your situation, which is dire.

do you have a smirk emoji? it's a yellow smiley face except it's glancing sideways with a sarcastic smirk. i can't post it but just google image search "smirk emoji."

text her that emoji as a response to her bullshit text, and then sit back and do nothing else. do not respond to anything she says. do not explain it to her. if she doesn't respond to you at all in two weeks, she doesn't give a fuck about you and has basically moved on to someone else she's met over there, who might even live in the city she mentioned moving to (check her fb for recently added male friends who live in that city). if that happens you never respond to anything she says again until it's time to take your trip, and then you very briefly set up plans for the trip, go over there, and enjoy your time with your roommate (more on this later, after we see how she responds).

but most likely she'll respond within a week or sooner, asking what that's supposed to mean, or getting upset. don't respond. she'll insult you. DO NOT RESPOND. you are freezing her out, removing attention from her. suddenly the texts will start appearing more rapidly, she'll be in panic-mode. DO NOT RESPOND, THIS IS WHAT YOU WANT. she may even break up with you via text. DO NOT RESPOND. if she calls DO NOT PICK UP. do not do a god damn thing until she starts saying "I miss you" or "What the hell are you up to lately??" or "Are you okay???" at which point you simply respond: "just busy these days babe, hope you're enjoying your trip : )" then DO NOT RESPOND to anything she says after that.

this will drive her absolutely fucking insane. i promise. because you're withdrawing attention from her. you're not checking up on her. you're not keeping her abreast of your daily activities. she has no clue what, or who, you're doing, and that will give you a lot of power my friend. it's demonstrating that you care about yourself much more than you care about her. and that you can get better women than her.

meanwhile, hang out with other girls. change your own facebook picture to an attractive photo of yourself. tag yourself in pics with other hot girls. update your status saying you're about to go have an awesome weekend with friends and then tag female friends and other buddies. you are the fucking man! you are living life to the fullest and enjoying every breath! she's sitting on her ass in some foreign country while you're making big moves!

so make it an absolute goal not to communicate with her until you receive a text with some variant of "i miss you" or "what are you doing lately?" and then report back to this thread.

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You must be overconfident and cocksure, even if you haven't got a god damn thing in the world going for you. And you must fail with women until you do not fear the possibility of failure, whereupon you will succeed wildly.

There's a couple of things which complicate this

Firstly (not really an issue, but worth mentioning), this is on Facebook, so you have the whole extra aspect of "reading" the message and having it be marked as read. Not reading the message sends a clear "I'm avoiding talking to you", since she'll see my last online time, which means if I do manage to get her messaging me, it'll get marked as 'read' each day.

Next, we talk a lot in a group convo with us and my roommate. Actually, 90% of the time she wants to message me, she'll just say it there in the group convo. So typically she'll say something like "I'm bored" or say something random about her day. When she told us about wanting to move interstate, it was in the group convo, and this is how that went:
And then the messages I've been showing you between my girlfriend and I come from our private convo

My roommate was actually quite upset about this too, she actually had a cry about it since they've been getting really close over the last year. But yeah they haven't spoken since this either, although my girlfriend has been sending the roommate snapchats just to her about random stuff, which is a common pattern with my girlfriend-- after she's done something shitty, she'll seek our your attention just to see if you're mad or not. Anyway... this raises the question of what my roommate should be doing when she messages the both of us

As for your plan, I can tell you for sure that she'll *never* say "I miss you" (she is seriously bad at being affectionate or showing that she cares). I know her pretty well, so I can guess her response, which would be originally either "what?" or nothing to the emoji... and then that would be it regarding our conversation, she just won't bring it up again. Maybe she'll start saying random stuff in the group convo again in a couple days. *Maybe* after a couple of weeks of me not saying anything, she'll ask me why I'm not talking, and I can say the busy thing.

Edit: The other thing is, I know the URLs of her blogs which she thinks are private but aren't really. With the level of stuff that she posts, if she *did* find someone that she was sleeping with, I would know about it. There's definitely no one that it's happened with, at least not yet anyway

fucking facebook be damned. ok. research a way to prevent from having your "last online" time shown on facebook. there's a way. a girl i was messing around with did it this year. you couldn't tell when she was last online.

and dude, just don't check it for a few days, then read the shit and don't respond. all of that stuff plays directly into your hand. ignoring her plays directly into your hand. having her see you've read it and then didn't respond plays directly into your hand. don't give her any feedback when she looks for random attention. wait until she outright says she misses you man. don't accept any implication or subtle bullshit. or wait until she asks, with desperation, what the hell you're up to or if you're ok.

the roommate thing is a huge tripwire because she can just ask the roommate and keep tabs on you. but stop responding in that 3-way facebook chat message. fuck that. be cool with the roommate in real life but don't tell her everything you're up to either. you want your gf to wonder what you are up to and you want to stop showing affection and comfort to her until she changes her behavior. meanwhile you are improving yourself and meeting/hanging out with new women. those are your goals.

send the smirk emoji over the private fb message. when she replies do not respond and do not read it for a week. and do not read the 3-way message for a week. you do not reach out to her first ever again, tattoo that on your face if you need a reminder. you do not reach out to her anymore while she's gone. and you do not respond to her unless she is saying something interesting or genuinely showing concern about you, whereupon you will be brief, exceedingly vague and sending a heavy implication you are having a hell of a good time without her.

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You must be overconfident and cocksure, even if you haven't got a god damn thing in the world going for you. And you must fail with women until you do not fear the possibility of failure, whereupon you will succeed wildly.

boom. she's fucked. you're not going to give her that attention my friend. and she's not gonna know whether you're mad or not because you're going to act very happy and like you're having the time of your life when you do respond, but you're only gonna respond once in a blue moon. that's the difference. most guys go total no contact and then when they finally speak again it's all angry and dismissive and accusatory. the alpha male knows that women are bountiful as fuck and aren't going to affect his well-being, and he doesn't take one single woman seriously whatsoever, girlfriend or not. when the alpha male texts after going no-contact, it is literally as though he didn't go no-contact at all. and when the gf says where the hell were you?!, the alpha male says "what are you my mom now ; )" and flirts with her. and the girl likes him more because of this. then he disappears because he's bored. and the girl likes him more because of this. he does whatever he wants. and the girl likes him more because of this. that's the difference. and that's what you're gonna do.

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You must be overconfident and cocksure, even if you haven't got a god damn thing in the world going for you. And you must fail with women until you do not fear the possibility of failure, whereupon you will succeed wildly.

Why on earth would you be trying to get this girl to chase you?she's shit. She cheats on you, lies to you and isn't even affectionate. She had fucked and is fucking other dudes. She's a pathological liar. Who gives a fuck if you get her to chase. Pickup guys are the only people who don't give a fuck about their happiness just keeping a girls interest. Fix your confidence

This is an INCREDIBLY condescending message from her, not to mention the final sentence, blaming the other person for their own fuckups. But it shouldn't have even gotten to this point..
+1

Why on earth is this girl still in ur life
This girl is deep in cock overseas and I get the feeling that deep inside you know this.

You deserve much better.