Hi everyone. To start, let me say I've never been one for serious relationships. All my past partners were just casual flings, and at most lasted for around three months. Recently, after re-meeting one of my past flings and spending some time hanging out again, she suddenly says she wants to be exclusive with me. I'm only considering it because I actually really like her after getting to know her. The problem though, is a big one. I know that she has cheated in the past, and I can't trust her. She does seem to have changed a little though, but I'm no expert so I figured I'd try asking here. I'll add my story below for those interested.

My questions are: How true is the saying "once a cheater, always a cheater" true in your experiences? How can you tell if they've changed for good? And upon first meeting a new girl, what signs do you guys look for that will tell you she is a loyal girl? I'm hoping some relationship experts can share some experience with a confused 25 year old.



So how do I know she cheats? It's simple. I'm the guy she cheated on her boyfriend with. This situation seems to be common for me, and it's a reason I have trouble trusting girls. I'm not saying I'm a honorable person either, it's just that after seeing girls lie and cheat in front of you, it's hard to completely ignore it.

Anyway, previously, we only had a casual fling going because I had to leave town for a while. We started fooling around a few months prior. She said she didn't want to have a committed relationship, it's just that the guy wouldn't have it any other way. And wouldn't you know it, after I leave, she goes back to that guy. Now I'm back, and she's still with that guy...yet wants to be with me...yeah. How do I know I'm not just the next victim of her mean streak? I've heard she's been pretty loyal to him so far. She hasn't tried to seduce me back into that awesome sex we had, oh man. She is actually very close to my ideal girl, apart from the cheating part of course. I've met some pretty cool chicks since her, it's just that I like this one so much more. Maybe it's oneitis. In that case please just slap some sense into me with your comments.

Actually, after getting my thoughts on screen this whole thing just seems ridiculous. But I still want some advice for any future girl I run into. If any of you are in a loyal and committed relationship with past cheaters please share your thoughts and experiences. Thanks in advance. Feel free to move if in wrong section.

Two questions:

1) You're 25. How old is she?
2) Has she ever done this before? One could be a fluke... 2 is probably a pattern.

Regardless, in my experience a cheater cheats... Though I've only been with a couple of girls who *I KNEW* cheated (because they cheated with me)... I know both of them cheated afterwards as well. One of them shortly after, and one of them about a year later.

I doubt I would be able to date that girl without being a total cunt and checking her phone - which is stupid and I wouldn't do that... So I couldn't be with her.

Personally, I think if you can't just simply trust her, then why bother?

You could always try it out and see how it goes, I guess... as long as you can handle the extra element of drama.

@charlesfinley

1) Shes 21 now. She was a college freshman when we were fooling around.
2) I know she cheated on her high school bf. They were long-distance and she met some other guy in college. She was on her third bf when we met and had our fun. That was also a long distance. To my knowledge those are the only two instances of her cheating. She's really affectionate so I guess not having the physical comfort of a guy is really tough on her.

She had this big transformation after high school. Started wearing sexier clothes and wore make-up really well. She was already cute but she's a real head turner after all of that. I think she went on a little power trip with all this power to choose whichever guy she fancies. People say a lot of the attractive girls go through this phase in college, but not all of them stay that way. So what is the difference between them?

And I agree with you when you say that there's no point if I can't trust her. Which is why I'm asking these questions. I know people don't change easy, but I'm willing to give it a shot if there's some way to tell if she is capable of becoming a loyal girlfriend. That along with me getting over this insecurity.

Why would you worry about something that may happen...you fancy this girl, she wants to be exclusive. Go for it with both eyes open and know it may not last....if you are willing to walk away and she knows this and is completely into you then the chances of her cheating go way down. Just don't get attached until she proves worthy of the attachment.

My questions are: How true is the saying "once a cheater, always a cheater" true in your experiences?


It's a matter of when and who. A habitual cheater might change but it's a tall order. A cheater who cheats once in a while might remain loyal and faithful for, say, four years and then when her partner fucks it up on the fifth year, she cheats.

Why do I know this? I am a cheater myself and I always get involved with girls who cheat. I have stayed loyal and faithful for some five or six years until my partner fucked it up. I think I can be loyal and faithful again, maybe even for double or triple the period with the right woman.

For the girls who cheated with me, the common denominator has always been the partner fucking it up.

Be the best that you can be as a man and lover and girls will remain loyal and faithful to you. If you fucked your relationship up, be a man and accept responsibility.

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I agree with Hellhound