There's a book called 'Attached'-
Basically there are 3 relationship attachment styles.
1) Anxious- People who are 'needy' in a relationship and require reassurance of where they stand in the relationship. They desire closeness and intimacy in a relationship.
2) Secure- Those who believe they are worthy of love and expect to find and be in a secure relationship.
3) Avoidant- Those who don't want intimacy, closeness in a relationship. They don't want someone to far away or to close.

Excellent book for understanding the dynamic of relationships.

Thanks for sharing. I will definitely read it

Even better books:

Hold Me Tight (Dr. Sue Johnson who first put forth the idea that behind every relationship fight is a fear of a loss of attachment)

AND

Wire Your Brain For Love which is also attachment based but also shows you how to 'rewire' your brain from the bottom up so you're grounded to yourself and not reacting to every little thing in the relationship. Basically helps you learn how to have a secure attachment with yourself.


Most the people on this site will fit under insecure attachment (avoidant or anxious) and there are subtypes within those 2 attachment styles.

Avoidants and anxious types are instinctively drawn to each other. This is where you have one partner play the pursuer role while the other plays that of the withdrawer, and even this dynamic reverses sometimes.


Actually avoidants deep down want intimacy, they just learned in their early attachment to caregivers that expressing emotions in any way is costly/dangerous to their wellbeing (sadly is far from the truth). This is why when say an anxious type tries to connect the avoidant feels frightened and backs off often withdrawing altogether for a time.