So my girlfriend and I have been dating since late last year. I have two major issues, one is that I am trying to figure her out and it seems impossible, she is literally unlike any girl I have ever had any type of experience with. The second issue is about control.

First, about her. She is bi sexual but leans towards liking women more. She's only had 3 boyfriends in her entire life according to her and she's slept with 4 guys, both stats are including myself, the 4th guy was a one night stand. Although she says she's more attracted to women physically she says she likes me because I'm different and more serious about my life, goals and aspirations, basically that I've got my sh*t together. She is 13 years younger than I am.

We've only had sex once. It happened when we barely knew each other. After that she said she didn't want to have sex again until she really got to know me better because if we started having sex that's all we would be doing instead of talking, getting to know each other and connecting on a deeper level. She said she wants to know that she likes me for me and not my d*ck. I disagreed and told her we could do it all at the same time but she wasn't game.

She says she made all the other people she was in a relationship with wait, even all the way up to one year with her first boyfriend. The exception was some guy that she admits she wasn't in much of a relationship with, they just had lots of sex and she wasn't really into him, just the way he looked. She says she never met any of his friends or family but was always with him and she thought that was weird and didn't like it so she broke up with him.

I've grown tired of the no sex deal but what really irritates me is that she isn't affectionate, in any really considerable way. She claims that she isn't the type of person that needs to be up in somebody's face all the time. We've argued a lot about it. It's gotten to the point that I feel like I have to beg her to show me affection, not with words but I always have to grab her hand, kiss her, hug her, etc. I recently decided to stop trying and now she approaches me sporadically, more so when I ignore her and do my own thing. The weird thing is that her friends and family know about me and we are always together so it's highly unlikely she is cheating. What's even weirder is that she does shady sh*t like post stuff about me on FB saying how I give the best massages and how I'm so great but the thing is I've never given her a massage, ever. I am not on her FB but we have mutual friends that show me the posts so that's how I find these things. No girl has ever been like this with me, they are usually always all over me and very affectionate. I called her out on the fact that I think she doesn't really like me but she swore up and down that she did, almost started crying and saying that it takes her time to open up and become truly affectionate. She admits that other partners have had the same complaints as myself. It's not money because I don't spend any on her and we take turns paying 50/50 when we eat out. I'm confused.

Control. So, I feel like she is calling all of the shots all of the time. I'm always wrong, she rarely if ever apologizes when she does something. She is a great talker so when we argue she usually has the upper hand because I get pissed and lose my sh*t and she likes to turn things around on me. Her favorite tactics are answering a question with a question, not answering at all and hopping from one point to another without resolving what started the argument in the first place, it drives me crazy. We both have very strong personalities, stubborn, etc. but I am patient and she is not. When we argue I always have to be the one to come to her, even if she was the one who was wrong but she has admitted that she can be a bitch at times.

Also, although I don' think she is using me in any way, I do feel like she is taking me for granted.

I really do like her and want to make this work.How do I turn the tables on this girl, control wise, and mind f*ck her so I can actually get back to real f*cking?

the one thing that worked for me the best was not giving a fuck, leaving it ages between texts, not kissing to the point where she lunges in all the time and not mentioning meeting up until she mentions it, also generally leading her. an example of this would be at a restaurant to take the lead, if she wants to make a complaint make it for her-that sort of thing. also sort out the bill discretely so she dosnt pay any of it at all, this gives her the notion that she isnt as in control as she was before as she was paying her own way-its almost like you have made her depend on you without her willingness. while its hard to gain back dominance you can easily display dominance to others around you for example your waiter, this after a while will rub off on your girl, as hard as it is when you like someone you cant let them see it a lot of the time, group examples like this with a chilled out but assertive body language(things like crossing your arms) and you should start to see changes, and what are the arguments about?

I met her through one of her friends which I was talking to at the time. I stopped talking to her friend when I found out that she was talking to other guys at the same time she was talking to me. That's when she approached me and let me know that she liked me but didn't want to say anything because I was talking to her friend.

The arguments in the beginning were mainly her jealousy issues, she is crazy jealous. It turns out that once her GF knew we were talking she then all of a sudden started showing some heavy interest. She flat out told me she didn't want me talking to her friend because her GF knew we were together but still kept flirting and finding any reason to be around me. Then the jealousy got out of control and she started demanding that I stop talking to other girls as well because she thought they liked me.

At times she would say crazy shit like she didn't want me talking to any girls at all. Thing is then she started getting jealous of me talking to guy friends and family members. I straight up told her that I will talk to whoever I feel like talking to and that's not her decision to make. She didn't like it but she left it alone.

Recently the arguments are about sex and affection. Every time I call her out on the fact that I think she really doesn't like me it becomes an argument. I just can't reconcile her excuses with her actions, it smells like bullshit. Affection, intimacy and closeness can be had without fucking all the time but we aren't fucking and I get none of those either. So why the fuck stay with her?

I am starting to think she isn't really bi but just a 100% lesbian using me as a guinea pig to see if she can pull off living a straight normal life, like she wants to try to be straight but is lying to herself and really is a full blown lesbian. It feels sick man, like she doesn't want anyone else to have me but she doesn't want me either. Am I going crazy or am I making any sense here?

By the way, your advice on the not letting her pay the bill thing is good, it's very subtle.

I have always allowed her to pay as well because I am older and she is younger and I was determined not to be used for my money but I see what you're saying and a light bulb just went off.

On more than one occasion, when I have tried paying for certain things because I was in a good mood or just felt like it she insisted that she pay and she is extremely independent and has made it clear that she likes it that way. That combined with comments she has made about not treating her like a baby(when I try and help her in some way or be a gentleman and open a door for her) make me think maybe she is afraid of something. What do you think?

You're in a bad situation.

Sounds like she isn't attracted to you and likes being with you(from her own words) because you're a provider and have shit in order. She's using you and is not attracted to you. Probably because she's full lesbian. Either way, are you happy with no sex and affection? If she's not attracted to you what's the point? Be a friend then. You gotta leave this asap.

Ok, this makes sense. No, I'm not happy with the current situation and you're right, there is no point.

My only question is, what in the world is she using me for? I don't give her any money and she pays her own way 90% of the time. I'm thinking it has to be on some subconscious level or something because it definitely feels like she is using me but I just can't see for what?

I know exactly where you're coming from dude. I was in the exact same boat until i called her out for her BS. I'd hardly buy my girl anything either, she'd hate getting affectionate unless I made the mood, and it was hard as fuck to make it. I have a post on the same board here explaining everything She's probably just not attracted to you physically, but using you for emotional support/something to fall back on. I got the same bs about no sex/intimacy for a loooong time. Wont fall for it again. She wasn't worth 10 minutes of my time.

Thanks Rawb, this was definitely what I needed to hear. I feel like I knew this all along deep down inside but I just couldn't put my finger on the exact reasons why and until I get that resolution of knowing I sometimes get stuck and fixate on things.

Neo, thanks for the kick in the ass and Moose thanks for the tips.

Two more questions.

1)Rawb, what's the name of your post, I'd like to read it.

2)Any advice on what to read to learn PUA game, what's the best stuff out there? Some of the things I read on here I already do but I'm basically way too nice and laid back with women, need to change some things.

Same here mate. I was so in denial of it. Hell, once her sister even told me that she wasn't attracted to me physically but I was hard headed, and ego inflated as fuck about it. From experience, she cares or even loves you, but she isn't sexually attracted to you.

Can you lay her again? Probably, if you brush up on some advanced seduction techniques. And I mean some ADVANCED seduction techniques.
Is it really worth the effort just for her? Not really. You may think so. But after a while, you'll realize it isn't.

At this point just brush her off gently. But remember. Don't end anything on bad terms. She's still a valuable social asset (at least I hope so) and you can lay other women through her.

Hell. I have a date with said Ex's sister 2 weeks from now who IS attracted to me and has a hell of a lot more curves >:)

Link to the post
how-do-i-maintain-a-relationship-vt179126.html

All the stuff about waiting for sex is bullshit. Women want sex as much as men!

Looks like you are dealing with some crazy ass bitch. Don't even look for reasons why she is doing this, crazy people do crazy stuff. There is no point of analyzing it.

If she is super hot and you really like her then you can try this:

Tell her that you were thinking about the relationship and came to an conclusion that the best thing to do is to break it off because you find her too sexy and you just can't be around her without having sex. Tell her that if you do break it off then you can't stay friends as well because again you can't be around her without fucking her.

If she fucks your brains out that means she really likes you and want's you. If not, well at least you won't waste anymore time...and will be free to fuck all other women who actually wants your dick. So either way it's a win/win!

Lol, yeah I thought she was crazy or had some sort of trust issues because of being screwed over in the past which is why I hung in there so long, I thought it wasn't her fault, but the more I think back and start putting the pieces together I realize she's not crazy at all. She's just really smart and has like 6 brothers who she has told me herself treat women like shit, so I'm thinking she must have picked up her jedi mind tricks from them and used them on me.

She is really hot and turns heads everywhere we go which is of course another reason I hung in there so long, but to be honest it's like I'm coming out of a fog or a spell or something and the more I see the bigger picture the more I dislike her so I'm not going to waste any more time on her.

Plus, I'm genuinely hurt, I really liked her and I just think she's a horrible person for doing this to me so there will be no friendship and she wouldn't be the type to hook me up with her friends or anything like that afterwards like Rawb suggested. I'm just really pissed right now.

Thanks to all of you, I guess I'll be sticking around here and trying to learn everything I can.

She's not into his dick no matter what the fuck he says to her. I'm amazed he got with a lesbian in the first place. He needs to end it with her and move on instead of trying to do the pointless getting back control fucking bullshit. She isn't the love of his life and they are just FRIENDS and it will always be like that. Either he finishes it with her and they both go off and do their own thing while remaining friends (if they both want that) or he continues with this farce of a 'relationship'. Seriously dude if you have to go through all this crap and jump through all these fucking hoops to keep a girl then she isn't worth the drama. Trying to get back control is a waste of fucking time. You need to be with a girl where it flows and moves along effortlessly without all this stupid, mind games fucking crap. She's a lesbian. End it dickhead.

she has a personality disorder. this story almost seems made up. unless yr getting off on some submissive level, you shld bail.