Bingo.

I agree with pretty much everyone else here. The girl definitely has serious issues, and given her age, ones she's not going to grow out of. You dodged a bullet. Guarantee that she fell just as hard for the "friend" and will burn him out just as fast. She may have borderline personality disorder, though there's definitely not enough information to have any certainty in that.
As mentioned, one flag for crazies is that they are too quick to fall in love. Also, generally the ones that mention past abusive relationships are damaged from the start. Normal girls don't stay with abusers. She is naturally drawn to them (read Dr. Drew's work on childhood trauma and abusive adult relationships). As said before, they also fall out of love just as fast, but not before a huge shitstorm to get their fill of drama for the week/month/year.
Anyways, consider yourself lucky to not be married to her and good luck staying away from the crazies.
Cheers.

Wow! I went through something SO similar and it totally devastated me. Same situation, divorcee coming out of previously abusive relationship. I took a turn too fast with her in the car and she said that was a red flag for her as her ex husband used to do that. No contact except a long, nasty text a few days after saying she felt like she was with a 16 year old who completely disregarded her safety. This after thanking me for rebuilding her self confidence. Like I said, it crushed me, but I'm starting to come out of it. As another poster said it doesn't mean she a bad person, but that some other guy damaged her and she's not going to let another man get close?

That comment is extremely sexist dude. However I do feel for you as it seems you were really into her and she's gone cold on you. There's loads of women out there who will date you as you sound like a real nice guy. Don't beat yourself up over her as you did nothing wrong. Her abusive ex has totally messed her up so that she'll probably never have the courage to get close to anyone again. She should get some counselling and the ex should have his fucking head kicked in for ruining her life.

Hey man that's a shitty situation sorry to hear it. This is my take on it.

You were just as drunk as she was and it takes two to tango she is responsible for her own actions and her putting it on you saying gentleman wouldn't take advantage of a drunk girl imo that's her trying to justify what she did to herself. I was drunk I knew what I was doing, but I'm gonna convince myself that he took advantage of me when I was drunk to make myself feel better. Total bitch move to say something like that and make you feel the way she did.

As far as the hotel thing straight up trap. She was agging you on fishing for something waiting for you to say the slightest little thing wrong so she could lose her shit on you and break up with you so she could have a clear concious about what she knows she's gonna do. So you asking her about it was what she was looking for she spun it in her own twisted mind and turned it on you to make you look needy and clingy and that's her justification for breaking up with you.

Here's my overall opinion on this situation.
There's a difference between being needy and asking questions. In this situation you're in a relationship with a girl she tells you she is going to see a friend and if she gets too drunk she's gonna stay at HIS hotel room and she is vague about the whole thing. Dude you're in a relationship with this girl you're totally 100% warranted to ask her whats going on and be upset by that! I'm not a needy or clingy person, but I would find that upsetting if it were me. The only thing you could have done differently is act unaffected by it say ok have fun. She would be like wtf?!? She would most likely come back to you, but in the end you're just prolonging the inevitable better to just have it happen like it did and be done and move on to better things.

Sorry this shit happened to you I've been in similar situations I've learned as soon as that shit comes up I don't react to the trap take it for what it is and move on.

Hope that helps good luck!!

Does she get on well with other girls? i get the feel that this girl is Very introvert and doesnt have many girl friends. the result being, seeking validation from Guys. you're not as special as you once thought. dont blame yourself though. this ones not your fault. She sounds rather Fucked up.

the big red flag for me is when she asked for the time apart. i would have not accepted this from a girl im dating. you're agreeing to play by her rules and as an alpha, i would certainly not agree or disagree and put her ass on the bench, then go out and fuck other girls.

its easier to type this than put into action, but think about it this way, if she Genuinely cared about this relationship, why would she be so closed and ask you for time apart? she should be excited about this prospect.

Girls have no drama's finding a dick to ride on. usually they stick around till they get bored and jump onto the next.

not your fault. next time, learn how to scan the relation types from the rest and read the red flags a lot better.

Peace!

_________________
Your thoughts become your words, your words become your actions, your actions become your habits, your habits become your character, and your character becomes your destiny.

There is nothing wrong with emotions going fast in a relationship. As you pointed out it's more a question of who controls the tempo and ensuring both people are going the same speed.

To me the problem is when one or the other gets swept up and says or does things before they are ready. I've certainly told a girl that I loved her before I really did and then had to back out of it later.

On the other hand, I've hooked up with a girl, slept with her straight away, told her I loved her and everything was gold for almost a year. When we finally broke up it had nothing to do with how fast we went in the beginning and actually our amazing beginning helped us whenever we argued. If you read any empirical studies on successful relationships it is clear that being able to get back to the beginning of a relationship when times are tough is key to staying happy in a couple.

In regards to having sex without a condom. This could be a million things. First, sorry to say it, but it could be that she has a VD so be careful and wait three months then get yourself fully checked out. As Shakespeare wrote "The lady doth protest too much, methinks"

It's really pointless to guess, but it also could have been a reality check for her. I've had a girlfriend miss a period and also times when there was a chance a girl could have gotten pregnant. It's pretty scary and creates a million scenarios and questions. If she had a miscarriage or has had abortions those kind of things would probably just be too much for her and if you aren't there to help guide and sort her feelings, well...atomic bomb.

I think it's one of the hardest concept for men and women to remember that what you think you are arguing or discussing is almost never what you are actually arguing or discussing about. She might have told you she was upset that you had sex without protection, but she is expressing her anxieties, insecurities, and emotions using that as a front, because it's probably the surface fear.

Another thing regarding that I'd raise is that you were both responsible. What she's done is to pass the shame that she is feeling on to you. You accepted it. You took ownership of it. Why? I can understand saying that I was sorry that SHE was upset or that SHE regrets it, but unless I really felt sorry that it happened I certainly wouldn't allow her to pass her shame on to me. Probably you had a great time (what you can remember of it), do you really feel you did something wrong?

There is an important concept that people should become aware of about how other people try to pass their shame on to another. We call it guilt tripping, accusing, etc, but in reality it's feeling shame and then trying to spread it like a disease. You can be supportive and caring to help someone else deal with feelings of shame without taking responsibility for it.

What I'd be trying to sort out is how emotionally connected are you. If it's just a physical connection then it's best to move on, but if you connect with her in a really exceptional way, then it's worth considering if the type of issues she raises are acceptable to you. They'll always be annoying, but can you cope with them, because you can be pretty sure that what she does at the beginning will be the kind of things she'll keep doing.

When a girl has these kind of emotional issues they don't come up just because she was in an abusive relationship. These issues go WAY back, which I'm sure you'd find out if you stayed with her. Introducing another man into the dynamic, shaming you, erratic behaviour, and shifting feelings are pretty typical with a girl who has major identify and confidence issues. Mostly these types of things bring most guys to their knees and allow a girl to control him. If you can maintain your own center and stay in control of yourself, then a girl can see she can trust you and have the confidence to begin the difficult adult work of healing some of these wounds.

However, I'd never get into that kind of shit unless you had the strongest emotional connection you've ever felt and you were sure you could keep the girl in love with you. If you don't know how to make a girl fall completely in love and keep her there then I think you made the right move to get away from her.

The only thing it seems you did wrong in all of that is allow her to turn what was a pretty great night and try and make you feel bad about it.

ok.. I have a different take on this from the other guys here. Just my view, but this is what I think it is.

I think the whole sex/no condom/bust up was a test and you failed it.
She had a go at you and was testing your frame - semi aware of what she was doing.

You dealt with the problem ok at first. You made a joke etc... and she got annoyed. You moved her frame and that was ok. Woman have to feel lots of emotions about a guy to like them. Feeling 'good' is not enough. thats why nice guys finish last. Pissed off/jealous/sad/ - its all good.

Your problem started when you apologised. You showed weakness, and she started to lose interest. From there she wanted a break. No way did just having sex without a condom do that. No way.

Anyway, have a think about it.. google it some more and try to learn. Stay dominant at all times. You are no.1 - she is no. Cunt.

Good luck

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here to learn.. thats all.

cant just put every confront down to a test.girls usually test when they are unsure of the guy. im sure she woulda put the brake lights on IF she was unsure at the start.

This girls an IDIOT. she was looking for excuses. regardless of how you handle it, her minds made up. i woulda waved BYE a loong time ago.

_________________
Your thoughts become your words, your words become your actions, your actions become your habits, your habits become your character, and your character becomes your destiny.

Well I think girls never stop testing guys to some degree although I dont think in this case she set out to test him. I think the way he gave in and apologised instead of holding his ground and telling her to stop going on about it lost him attraction.
That is why alot of the time 'happy relationships' become woman running from guy when they feel the guy is not holding his frame as much as he used to.
There could be more to it. We will never know.

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here to learn.. thats all.

Thanks for all the replies and time spent thinking about this.

UPDATE:
Out of the blue her cousin (who she lives with) text me. In a nutshell she was embarrassed about how her cousin acted. She said she has seen this happen multiple times in the last three years. She gets all excited, acts really into the guy, and dumps him the second he shows interest back. She also said she has loads of issues tying back to her marriage AND her first boyfriend who was murdered at 22 (first time I heard this - pretty awful). She also said the guy visiting was purely a friend and there is no other guy (it doesn't really matter at this point). She said this is just her typical behavior and she believes she'll be alone the rest of her life. Heavy stuff. Her cousin really unloaded.

I'm not sure the sex thing really mattered. If it wasn't that it would have been something else. As some guys have mentioned, yes I could have acted differently the whole relationship - been more alpha, controlled the tempo, etc and we may still be together - but the end result would be the same. In the end I'm thankful I didn't spend more than a few months time and saw these issues front and center. I'm feeling good about how this turned out and agree I dodged a bullet. Pretty wild ride.

Oh and lastly, I went cold turkey - shipped her stuff with no messages. She text me to thank me for her things and asked how I was. I kept it very brief and said 2014 started with some great surprises. Zero contact beyond that. Her cousin made the point that she was so happy that I didn't go back begging. Every other guy has begged and pleaded for her to take them back. I'm happy at how I managed the situation post-breakup. Some good lessons learned. Thanks again.

See, keep it tight and the results follow. you have heard it from the girl herself. i used to be one of those "Every other guy". Fuck that shit

Good work man.

_________________
Your thoughts become your words, your words become your actions, your actions become your habits, your habits become your character, and your character becomes your destiny.

Truth. All I can relate to you is my own experiences. I was with a girl who was coming out of an abusive relationship. She "fell in love" with me in the first two weeks. This is a defence mechanism. Your girl in question used this as her first potential out. She doesn't trust guys so she attempted to over compensate or potentially scare you off by becoming way too attached way too quickly. After this doesn't work you will eventually see girls like this disappear out of no where and for the weirdest reasons. I don't believe her early actions to be intentionally manipulative, however, she could have passively manipulated you (meaning she wasn't aware what she was doing). Another reason why victims of abuse will behave this way is they passively hope to take some of that damage and almost pass it off onto you so they don't have quite so much to bear (this obviously doesn't work and is an extremely short term fix).

Anyways man, I'm sorry to hear this happened to you. I have been there before and it is an extremely hard situation to overcome. I guess the only advice that I can offer is that you will eventually get over this and move on. However, unless she seeks professional help, this girl unfortunately has a very tough and painful road ahead of her. I don't know if this is any comfort as of yet. Eventually you will begin to realise that the hardships (very fair and justified hardships, mind you) are pennies compared to the battle she has ahead of her as she confronts (or ignores) her abusive past.

agreed. trust me, the longest relationship i've had was with one of these girls. then 4 years and one child later, we broke up. so go figure

_________________
Your thoughts become your words, your words become your actions, your actions become your habits, your habits become your character, and your character becomes your destiny.