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I've heard the rule that you should let the girl break up exclusivity or being in a relationship first and franky, I think it's bs. I think it does more harm than good. A major part of pickup/dating women is we tell guys to LEAD. You're a MAN. You're the one who approaches her. You're the one who number closes her. You're the one who sets the date up. You're the one who goes for the kiss. You're the one who suggests coming to your place and makes the move for sex. Why should you NOT lead throughout and be the one to bring up a relationship if you want one?

Truth is, the majority of women are PASSIVE. They are not taught from a young age to take risks and go after what they want. Even if a girl really likes you, it's easier for her to NOT bring up exclusivity out of fear it may drive you off or look needy. A girl would rather lose you than take that risk. That's why most women would rather fake orgasms than communicate with you out of fear they may offend you. Girl's are the biggest AFC's and will put their own happiness aside to avoid taking a risk. How many women, especially hot ones have you seen doing approaches? That's why as men, if you want a rs, talk about. Don't be afraid. A girl can really like you, want to be your gf, and when you're waiting around for her to make the push for exclusivity, she will rationalize that you must not like her and to protect herself from getting hurt she will walk away. Ask yourself, if you approached everything like this, by waiting for her to make the move, how often would you get anything from women. If she likes you and you wait for her to kiss you first, how often will this happen? Sure, sometimes it will work but you'll lose alot more opportunities right.

Don't be afraid to go after or say what you want. If you don't want to see other women, say so. If you want her to be your gf, claim her. If she's not ready and she stops talking to you after that, guess what...she didn't like you in the first place. A women never leaves you because of ONE thing. If she walks out after that, it's because you were being unattractive in other ways and this was the last straw. If your boss fires you for coming in late one day, it's not because you came in late. It's because you've been a poor worker or other reasons and this is the excuse that worked to get you out. At least you've saved some time.

Go for what you want in anything. Whether it be your career, that cute girl you want to approach, the first kiss. If you want it, go for it. Do things GENUINELY and you will get people who GENUINELY want what you want. Wait around and play games with a girl to get her so crazy about you that she asks first, will only get you a gf that wanted you because you drove her crazy. Genuinely ask a girl to be your gf and you'll get a girl who genuinely liked you all along. Be a man, go for what you want in everything. Looking back, I can see that there are many wonderful girls who were really into me, giving signs that they wanted me to ask them, and when I kept waiting for them things fizzled and ended weirdly.

Naturally , like most of your posts , this is very good as well.



However in my opinion it's rather irrelevant who brings it up. I never think exclusive unless I'm really having a great time with this girl. And if I'm having a great time , she's having a great time. That's how it works. At that point exclusivity is somewhat implied.

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Personally I've done both. And both works. If I want to be exclusive I tell her, because I respect my needs and I want to be true to myself.
Thing is whoever does it first takes a risk. However if the girl is into you she will want to be exclusive. And if you bring it up first she will appreciate it. If she doesn't then you will at least know that your needs are not met and you can decide whether you want to move on or make her a fuck buddy. This is basically taking control of your life.

Sorry neo - in this case you are Dead wrong. There are excellent reasons why a man must never be the one to bring up exclusivity first...you must wait until the woman at least strongly hunts at it but never ever ever be the one to broach the topic first.

Your argument is that since a man must be the one to take the initiative and approach a woman and kiss a woman and sleep with a woman, that this therefore means it is a good thing if he is the one to tell a woman essentially, "hey, I don't want us to sleep with anyone else besides each other." As if these situations are analogous. They are not. Far from it.

The reason is because bringing up exclusivity is in fact the exact opposite quality as approaching, going for kiss or sex. One of them displays a confident man who is good with women and the other displays an insecurity that you are threatened by the fact that she may be dating around or keeping her options open. A woman that really likes you is not just going to immediately cut you off because you didn't bring up exclusivity. She will at the very least give you strong hints first and this is what you want - her to know that you have options and that your exclusivity is a GIFT to her, not her GIFT to you. This is the necessary beginning to a relationship where both you and her are happiest, because she adores you and feels lucky to have you.

And if she is the type to just drop you like a stone because you didn't beg her to be exclusive with you..that is not the type of girl you want or e type of relationship you want, unless you're the type of guy to want to be the chaser to an indifferent girlfriend.

Now on the other hand, it is good if a guy wants a relationship to take the initiative to do everything as if he wants one. That means being affectionate, initiating meetings and fun dates, having a wonderful time with her. Here - you are now bf-gf regardless of bringing up title or exclusivity. Eventually she will like you enough and hint or ask for exclusivity or the title.

But a man gains NOTHIng..absolutely nothing! by being the one to verbalize exclusivity. It sub communicates terrible things and sets a terrible frame for the subsequent relationship.

I think it's a bit strong to say that this sub communicates terrible things. I've done it because I felt like it and it was a good relationship.
I think this is really personal preference. If I really like a girl I don't want to fuck others and I don't want her to do that. It's this simple. Might be ok with you. Not with me. Maybe I'm old fashioned. But I really don't care.
However I agree with you that there is nothing really to gain here because if she really likes you she will bring up the topic anyway. And she won't fuck any other guy if she is into you.

Honestly I think yall both make good points. I agree w/ Neo that if bringing it up fucks things up, there were some other major issues going on beforehand and asking for exclusivity was just the final straw. This has happened to me on a few occasions in the past and I always blamed it on me being the asker, but looking back w/ a clear mind there were some pretty glaring holes in the relationship (and my behavior specifically) to begin with.

On the other hand, I personally think letting her bring it up (or at least hint at it...which they almost always will) is the "safer" approach and I don't mean that in a pussy, AFC, non-alpha way. I just think it never hurts your chances to let her bring it up, so why add unnecessary risk w/ not really any additional reward?

I disagree here. While my post started with saying by saying you should bring it up, my main point is that you should go for what you want in everything and shouldn't have the rule that the woman should bring it up. If you want to kiss her kiss her. If you want to own a tattoo parlour one day, go for it. Why should this aspect of your life be different?

quote: Your argument is that since a man must be the one to take the initiative and approach a woman and kiss a woman and sleep with a woman, that this therefore means it is a good thing if he is the one to tell a woman essentially, "hey, I don't want us to sleep with anyone else besides each other." As if these situations are analogous. They are not. Far from it. quote

See, this is where most guys go wrong. There is a big difference between claiming a woman as your gf and asking her not to sleep with other people. Woman like dominance and there is a POWER in CLAIMING her. When I ask a girl to be my gf, it's not me asking her. I'm the prize. I'm doing it for her. Being my girl is a privilege and honor and she knows that. It's the subtle difference between holding a girl's hand and walking side by side (more beta) and taking her hand as you lead her somewhere. Likewise, I'm not holding her hand because I like her touch, I'm taking her as I lead her somewhere exciting.

quote: She will at the very least give you strong hints first and this is what you want - her to know that you have options and that your exclusivity is a GIFT to her, not her GIFT to you. quote

No, you're giving her the gift of exclusivity to her. See again, here is where guys go wrong. You are using not bringing up exclusivity as a way to communicate that you have options. SHE SHOULD KNOW THAT YOU HAVE OPTIONS. You shouldn't have to mention other girls to her, flirt with other girls and do much to show you have options. She should be able to tell from knowing you that other girls would be interested as well and you have options. If you're an interesting guy, take care of yourself, work on improving yourself and can give good sex, she KNOWS that you can get other women. You don't need to hold back to make her think this. If you have to, it's because you're overcompensating for a lack of options naturally. It's similar to when guys say they must flirt with other girls and keep female friends so their gf is always jealous and knows that they have options. This is wrong. Your gf should enjoy being with you and should easily know that other girls would enjoy it too. If she thinks you blah, then you'll have to use tactics to fool her into thinking she is wrong for thinking your blah.

It's not about getting her to fuck others, and if you've reached the pt where you're thinking exclusivity, then she shouldnt be fucking others anyway. There's a difference between saying "I don't want us to sleep with other people" and communicating "I KNOW you like me so much, you're not sleeping with anyone else, and I want to let you know that I'm not either."

I've asked girls to be my gf and they blush and go crazy. I'm giving them a prize. They've earned it.

I generally disagree with the whole "If a girl likes you enough she will X." This comes from the whole Attraction is not a choice and is uncontrollable and neglects that girls can be shy, afraid of getting hurt and following their own set of rules just like you are. It also neglects that women are different with age. A mature 30 something woman may more take a risk that a 20 something. Girls let opportunities slip away from them all the time. One girl may like you so much she will sleep with you right away so she wouldnt lose you. Another girl may like you more than the other girl, and may actually deny sex because she thinks she would lose you. It's a mindfuck but true.

The risk is when you're not being honest and following what you want, the girl may be running scenarios in her mind of why you haven't brought it up. As I said, many girls are AFCs and aren't used to taking risks. They aren't raised to, society condones them playing it safe and if theyre attractive they have easier options to fall back on. If you wait for her to bring it up, you run the risk that as these doubts and fears about you not really liking her are true and she will rather leave and rationalize that it wasn't working than take the risk of being rejected. And few women can risk putting themselves out there to get rejected. All I've said there are facts about how women are more afraid of risks and bringing up exclusivity can be risky no doubt. So knowing they avoid risks doesnt it make sense to take the risky step for her instead of having her do so? If bringing it up is a progression of the relationship between you, and you're ready for that, shouldnt you be the one to state it or should you put it on her? While WE are thinking there is no point in a man losing power to ask a woman to be his gf, they think the same thing the other way. So often, 2 parties are just afraid to make that step and things fizzle as it stopped progressing