Hey guys,

I am wondering how i should play a certain scenario out. I have asked my friends (Both male and female) but im still wondering. So, im dating a girl for the last 5months. We are boyfriend/girlfriend. We pretty much talk every day by text or phone (usually initatied by her – if text – or if I call, id say roughly 50/50 split). We meet roughly 2-3 days a week, and I believe we have had no bad dates. (I really like her so I keep things fresh and take her on really amazing dates).

She is extremely hot (co-worker stated he would put her within top 20 girls he had ever seen in the city). This makes me feel insecure about my self to some extent. While I am tall, fit and generally handsome, I am not Brad Pit.
I am also no master PUA, and I know she gets hit on every single day, and she is also rather outgoing and talks to many people. This makes me worry I will be replaced. I solved this by going out a lot, and making sure she notices how girls look at me.

In any case, I have been feeling secure about the relationship and how things are going up until this Saturday night . We where going out and had a good time, and she was going to show me this message from her stalker on the phone (facebook message system). Since this is a long time ago she received the message (like 2 months ago) she has to scroll through quite a few contacts and their messages (you know the first line of message that you see on the phone). I immediately noticed that she had messages from one particular guy with hearts and other emoticons on it. I remember his first name. I checked her fb page – and you know how FB shows a list of friends – these are based on mutual acquaintances and people you chat the most with. He pops up quite often. I don’t know who sent the message (if it was her or him). But I do know that I did not receive any hearts before we actually got together (long after we had fclosed). In any case, I have been thinking about this a lot the last two days and its tearing me up not knowing what is going on.

I don’t know how to react. It could be completely innocent. Up until now I felt 100% secure.

So I here are the alternatives that I have discussed with some of my friends:

A. Don’t do anything, she loves you blabla. No reason to feel insecure. <- which I guess Is an alpha way of handling it. Im not sure I have the self confidence to go through with that one.
B. Some of my friends suggest that I should just talk to her about it. Bring it up that its been on my head since I saw it, and ask her about it. Which I guess would show insecurity, but I would atleast get an answer. Also note that since I DID NOT CHECK HER PHONE ON PERPUSE, JUST A RESULT OF HER WANTING TO SHOW ME A MESSAGE, its not like I have broken any trust?

I do have a potential trust breaker solution:

I should go for A) how would you go about B) in a confident non AFC way?

This is the very definition of non-issue. All hot girls have orbiters who, I'm sure, would love to sleep with them. This is just a fact of life. Internalize the fact that your girlfriend likes you.. it's why she's dating you and not them. Those guys suck at life. Your job, at this point, is to not screw up your relationship. If she's the good girl type (see link on screening at the bottom), then that's really all you need to worry about. Focus your energies on giving her lots of amazing orgasms.

Invading her privacy and/or getting all insecure about her orbiters are two ways you can screw up the relationship. Ignore the AFC's and enjoy what you got.

-Wolf

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Screening: drama-free-relationships-1-screening-vt124827.html
Bad Behavior: drama-free-relationships-3-the-soft-next-vt125554.html

Here Here.

The only thing likely to fuck up your relationship and cause you to lose her is letting your head conjure up a bunch of insecure thoughts and make believe issues that render you a beta pussy just like the pathetic guy who is sending her text messages with the delusional idea that somehow he's different from all the other orbiters who have done the same thing to her.

Stay strong. Keep your frame. Remind yourself over and over again that if she ever did cheat on you, it would be her loss, and she's not that stupid. You're a great guy, she's lucky to have you because we aren't a dime a dozen, and all hot girls know that. They don't so much when they are 18, but by the time they are 28, it's crystal clear.

My advise is to ingore it, and really listen to her when you make her cum, especially the moments after. Observe her. She's likely smitten with you in those moments and that's all you need to remember.

This is a non issue just forget about it.

Wolf and the other guys have it right,

I was in a similar situation (still kinda am) and it did spin me out when I saw my girl still talking with her EX of 4 years in a similar way you did (scrolling through phone when we were together).

Anyways its going to be hard to ignore, but DONT bring it up with her... if she is LOYAL and with you then you dont need to be insecure... just keep doing your job by being a GOOD Boyfriend (not needy, clingy, jealous, anxious ect.) this can be very hard especially if u once were an AFC (like I was). you have all these AFC things like... being insecure... that you havnt got out of your system yet (either have a lot of guys, myself included) Just know its something you need to work on.

Now again obv if u found out more and she was cheating you.... next her and its her loss... simple. But it doesnt look like that from the lack of information and everything else. Your fine... just remember a lot of guys are going though this as well... its not about how hard you hit... its about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. Take this as a little nudge to keep pressing forward. This isnt even a scratch.

GL
DUKE

I'm going to go against the consensus here and say talk to her about it. You saw that she may have sent hearts to a guy (don't know alot of guys who use hearts but maybe that's a new thing for a guys) and you want to find out. Confronting something suspicious does not make you insecure. If it's tearing you up inside, the AFC way would be to ignore something that's bothering you so that you can keep a girl. Is it alpha to hold in doubts so that you don't risk losing her? If you tell her calmly you saw something and you were wondering about it, IF she gets turned off from you for this, the relationship wasn't strong anyway and she most likely was doing whatever you hoped she wouldnt be. You aren't the insecure bf who is jealous over her friend list or want to check her phone for the sake of checking it. But this is advice. If you approach it in an insecure or weird way or act weird afterwards yes you could ruin things.

Drop it like a hot potato, unless you want to feel a woman's wrath and have the relationship possibly thrown into turmoil.

I strongly advise against this unless it's an issue that repeatedly comes up or she starts bringing him up in conversation/ spending time with him. One text with hearts is not something to tear you up inside.
Never mind, maybe it is... Why is a text from a random dude with hearts tearing you up inside?
AFC = I'm afraid of losing her. Either I need to confront her or I better not bring it up.(reactive thinking)
Alpha = I'm confident I'll keep her. Texts from a random dude are not going to change a damn thing.



It sounds to me like you don't know if the relationship is strong or not, and perhaps this is the reason for you to question her. Unless you're like 5-10% of men who can perfectly camouflage their outward demeanor (calm) when it's opposite from their inner state (tearing me up inside), I doubt it'll come off as calm.

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Preston's Game Log - Please critique

My read on the OP's words were that he doesn't know if she sent the texts or whether it was him. Sounds like what's tearing him up is the possibility that if they were from her, means this guy could be more than a friend. If he wants closure and to figure out if she is faithful I advise him to do so. Alpha is valuing yourself and your health so when you see a hint of cheating, you get to the bottom calmly so you can save your time from an unfaithful relationship and STD's. Depends on the frame you're coming from. If it's "I want to find out if she was cheating because I hope she wasn't so I can keep her" that's beta. If it's "Hey, I saw something suspicious, let me ask her about it so I don't overthink it and if there is something going on, I can end things to find someone better."
I agree this is a non issue and could have saved time by just joking "wow, you were sending a guy hearts?" when she scrolled past it. Either she would have shown you and laughed it off with you, or she would have hidden and you would know what type of girl she is. Just my pov