Hi everyone, "longtime" poster. I've had some great results/reactions with my posts in the past and the advice I've received from this board has always helped me in my endeavors. So here I go with yet another story.

I met this girl a couple of months ago (around 6). She was coming out of a long relationship that didn't end well and I had just ended it with my girlfriend after a 5 month relationship. I wasn't feeling the spark so thought it was best to kill it. (There two girls btw are neighbors).

So I start chatting this girl, and its really though to get to here because she has heard the worst things about me and that I'm a player, an asshole, a cheater and what-not.

Finally, after months of gaming I finally start going out with her and she is falling for me. A couple of weeks into the relationship (just before I was going to leave on vacation for a month) she hears from a friend that I cheated on her at a party (which isn't true, there was this drunk girl just going around and trying to get with every guy).

And so she doesn't know what to think anymore but I get her back (because I was leaving in less than 24hours for a month) and she basically tells me "we'll see when you come back, because right now I can't trust you".

While off on vacation I send her flowers and do super cute things, she texts me all day. I didn't get with any other girl, as for her I have no idea, I'd rather not think of it.

So I come back from vacation, and she comes to see me, we make out and are "back together" but she tells me that now she wants to "take it slow" because she doesn't want to get back into a relationship with drama because she just got out of one and that what happened just before I left gave her some cold feet. (keep in mind, when we started dating I told her that we could take it slow and at that time she said "noo I don't want to!").
So obviously a change here, I suppose she is afraid and I need to gain her trust back.

However, I am falling for this girl and I want to see her all the time! (maybe the idea of losing her got me).

So I feel like i'm slipping on the wuss side right now, because I had to be so nice these past weeks to get her back.

So I told her last night that even though she wanted to take it slow I wanted to do something with her this week. She then said "absolutely, its not because I want to take it slow that I don't want to see you. I want to do all sorts of cool things with you, even the dishes (earlier joke I made asking her to come do my dishes)".

So I said "okay lets do something wednesday" she said "what if I can't wait until wednesday?"

So we proceeded to say we would do something tonight (monday) as well.

However, we where supposed to see each other but she cancelled because she had to go out with a friend who just got dumped (she wanted me to come as well but I declined). She asked if I was going to go out and I said no I was staying in since she cancelled our plans, she then proceeded to tell me that "she couldn't believe for a second that I was going to stay alone at home".

So in the end she tells me we should see each other tomorrow, I tell her I have practice so it'll be though, and she says "okay we'll keep in touch tomorrow ".

I feel like now she's putting her friends/party/etc in front of me, while before she wasn't.

Since i've been back (a week) we've only seen each other (only us) for about 2 hours, the rest of the time was me picking her up with a friend one night and us meeting between two activities for 10 minutes.

I feel like she might be afraid to see me just alone?

I don't know, but its driving me crazy! I know I should chill out and play it light, but I just want to bond with this girl and get her back to trusting me 100% but I can't do it if we don't see each other. Also, the lack of sexual activity (we haven't had sex yet) is driving me nuts.

I need to chill, but how can I keep a cool aloof attitude while still building her trust?

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My father once told me:"Son, we are good men in the family and don't have much weakness', but you'll quickly learn that women are our Achilles' heel."

That seems like a perfectly reasonable reason for cancelling, especially if she wanted you to go as well. Do you really want a girlfriend that isn't there when her friends need her?
It's possible she is picking up on this as well, which isn't good. Maybe she thinks you might be with her just for the sex and that's not something she wants.

First of all, you should have said you were busy on monday. Normally it wouldn't matter, but right now you've got status to regain. Hit your head against the wall if it helps but you gotta get that mad gleam out of your eyes. Girls are really sensitive to horniness and you'll creep her out if she's not there yet herself. You're in a romance novel bro, it's all about the tension and the anticipation.

Now you've been veery cuddly with her, so you need to lean back (,take it in your hand) and chill out. If she flakes, tell her you're hurt, but you'll forgive if she really does those dishes. And no, you won't accept take out!

It surprises me slightly from a long time poster, but you sound like a complete chode. Why did you get involved with this girl in the first place if she had such a bad opinion of you. What's wrong with the legion of other girls out there. Honestly.

Anyway, I guess you're in now, and you want some advice. First thing then: the neediness. Get some self-respect dude, you spend all your time and mental energy on this girl. Let's assume for a moment that this is indeed the most awesome girl alive, does she not deserve the most awesome guy alive? Are you that guy? Do you study, do you have a job, do you have hobbies, do you have friends, in short: do you have a life? If so, why are you spending all your time worrying and sending flowers?

Secondly, the sex. You want to fuck her, so go get some. If she's not willing, dump her. That may sound harsh to you, but:
A. Your relationship is clearly on the rocks already. She thinks you cheated, and says she doesn't trust you. You even indicate that she might have slept around too, which is not unlikely at all if I consider the previous.
B. A relationship without sex, is a relationship without intimacy, i.e. not a relationship at all.
C. A girl using the promise of sex to control or dominate you is not someone you want to date.

Thirdly, the drama. You seem to be creating it. Why? Why does this friend think you cheated. Why do you suppose she is afraid of being alone with you. Why can you not wait til Wednesday. Why do you get upset if she cancels for a perfectly good reason. And again, why did you pick a girl who had such a bad impression of you in the first place. In short: why are you creating problems that are either not real or easily avoided?

I think your need for validation (issue #1) is somehow connected to this desire for drama. I think that the main problem in this relationship is that you lack self-esteem, and that this is something that you need to work on, independently from your girlfriend. Whether you can save your relationship, I am not sure: it depends as much on your efforts as hers. But I also think that it would not be the worst thing for you if it ended, it would allow you to focus your efforts on yourself and grow into a well-developed human being.

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One of the most useful things you will ever learn about body language.