Amazing thread because no one can say for sure that she's cheating.

Even though they have contradictory opinions, I agree with both n2thevoid and zmbcm1. Two great posters that I have lot of respect for.

I tend to mostly take n2thevoid's side on this one. Personally, I highly doubt she's cheating on you. You strongly believe she's being upfront and honest about everything, which is probably the second best green flag for you... Because no one here is in a better position to judge whether she's being truthful than yourself. The first biggest green flag that she's not cheating on you is that she's openly sharing everything with you. Almost everyone who cheats will deliberately try to hide the person they're cheating with. Also, you've mentioned that she put him in her phone as "sexy man" and "sex man." Which one is it? There's a big difference between the two. Sex man is a lot more innocent as it may be interpreted to convey a man with a sexual addiction. Sexy man is a bit more of a yellow flag if you ask me. However, if she had that moniker for him long before she broke up with him, then it's not THAT big of an issue. But still a minor issue.

Now for the bad. I believe zmbcm1 nailed it when he brought up his personal experience with his ex. Exes should never be kept as friends, as sexual tension and feelings can easily reignite. Unless of course this was a very short relationship that meant nothing. But seeing as it was a four year relationship, it changes everything. It's a big red flag. So although she may not be cheating on you, there's no guarantee she won't feel a sudden urge to blow him.

So, what should you do? Can you tell her to stop hanging out with her ex? I suppose you could, but she may view that as offensive and controlling. Another option is to get her to move to your city. If she loves you as much as she seems to, then she would ideally be willing to do either one of the above.

Even the strongest LDR's fail when someone isn't willing to move. Trust me: unless this is temporary, and I mean just a few months, this shit is winding down. You two may be head-over-heels in love, but you wait every other weekend to see her and drive 7 hours roundtrip to do so. Is that because she's the best girl you know or because you can't score anyone else? Either way, she wonders this and it pushes her towards bad behavior. Loneliness creeps in when you're gone and creates an open goal for Sex Man.

When you're apart, you and Sex Man are on a more level playing field because you can't touch her. SPAM, texting, phone calls- fuck em all. They do not compare to touch and the unspoken word. You're at a disadvantage right now, but you don't know it yet. Luckily, there's hope.

Tell her something along the lines of: "You know very few couples make it through long distance. But you know what? We share a connection and we're doing great. So long as I get the sex I need when I come to visit, I'm willing to make this work. If you want to be friends with Sex Man, that's fine, but... it's just not the kind of relationship I want to have. That's not the kind of girl I'm going to move for." Assure her it'll be very soon, and this situation is hers to fuck up.

It's not a self-fulfilling prophecy. You just cannot pretend to be okay with this, let it irk you beneath the surface, and then bring it up again months down the line. "What kind of guy holds out on sex with other women to see me twice a month and puts up with competition like Sex Man?" She wonders this! Tell her you're not okay with it now, and if she waffles, wish her the best. Don't accept anything other than an affirmative answer and when you get it, slip her the D. The good D. If she wants to be friends with him, hey...at least you saved yourself a bunch of gas money.

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"Let me ask you something. If the rule you followed brought you to this, of what use was the rule?"

Thanks for the reply.

Honestly I had no reason (before I saw these brief messages on snapchat and text) to ever be jealous of her EX. And honestly I never was... bc I knew this girl was super attracted to me... wanted to hang out with me all the time... texted me daily... ect. And she still does... last night she texted me 4 times before I responded to her and was asking me what I was doing and that she was home and wanted to dirty talk. I agreed and we talked on the phone for 2 hours til 1am. We talked about communication, trust, ext and if she had been seeing her EX. She told me she did but only bc he was dropping off a gift for her sisters graduation party. I totally believe this bc her sister did just graduate and the texts lined up exactly on the weekend her sister had her grad party. And she has never lied to me about anything...ever.

She texted me after our phone call at 1:22 "I really enjoyed our talk tonight. Glad I asked if you wanted to chat. I am in such a good mood right now and I am so excited for when I get to see you again ".

Thanks for the reply.

I agree with you about the "we are apart for to long thing and it gives sexy man an opportunuity" But by the same means she is giving me that same freedom as well... and totally trusts me. iv told her to go out... have fun... be with her friends... be social because I dont want to be controlling, thats just not healthy in any relationship IMO. *just dont cross the line.* And I have no hard evidence that shes done that.

And to be honest I dont care if shes friends with her EX. as long as I am certain its just friends. And the information was a little sketchy... but as far as I can see its just friends.

**The kicker is the every other week thing... its hard to see each other. Shes told me many times she wishes I was still in school there, but im not. And idk if I plan on moving back anytime soon. For her to move right now makes 0 sense. She has 2 years left of school and runs a family business close to school... so ya that sucks. But what can I do? I like my space as well... not being super needy and blowing her up 24/7 shows busy doing other shit 2...

Stuck too. Could go either way, she could just think they're friends, or she could be trying to give you information to cover herself. Gotta disagree with openly sharing though; it's a cheater's tool. Mention the other person as a friend, and talk about the other person so it looks like you have nothing to hide.
Agree that it's weird and unhealthy. Four year long relationship, long distance, it's a recipe for feelings to ignite one day. Not a sure thing but possibility.

You'd have to assume she's sophisticated, cunning, a pathological liar, and perhaps manipulative. Most people aren't all of those and wouldn't be able pull it off. The only clue that she could be sophisticated and cunning is that she DOES have four years worth of relationship experience. But as far as the lying part, the OP trusts her and hasn't thus far caught her in any lie whatsoever. Not to mention he did his own homework and believes the texts match up to her itinerary.

So I guess you could call it a cheater's tool but you'd have to be pretty smart and lack any integrity whatsoever... Because diligently and carefully covering one's tracks requires planning and not to mention lack of remorse over the act of infidelity.

Yeah. You're right he hasn't caught her lying or anything. It's a sucky situation because she may be 100% honest but the circumstances would mess with most guys heads. If he can not think about it he could be fine. Easier said than done though

Neo87 is right. While sharing "I'm going to meet up with so-and-so..." doesn't mean she'll cheat, it does not mean she won't, either. It's giving her plausibile deniability to walk into a situation that she knows to be potentially dangerous. When all is said and done, she can point to her telling you and say, "Remember, I thought nothing would happen, either..." Call it lack of integrity, manipulative, cunning, whatever...it's a tool and if she wants to cheat bad enough, it's at her disposal.

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"Let me ask you something. If the rule you followed brought you to this, of what use was the rule?"

Thanks again EVERYONE for the posts.

Its a tricky situation and yes I have given her the freedom that if she wanted to cheat bad enough, it is at her disposal. I AM OK WITH THIS for the reason that IF she did cheat she would lose me 100%. And iv told here this many times. So if shes willing the throw away our whole 6 month relationship (which has been amazing for the both of us) to get back with her ex for a few nights when shes "lonely" or hook up with some random at a party... that would be pretty stupid IMO. But girls can be stupid and make mistakes as well... but I just feel this girl is more mature.

When you put yourself out there and really start to care for someone there is always that chance the other person REALLY doesnt feel the same and that you could get burned. I feel at this time she feels a little stronger about me then I previously did about her.

This honestly started as just another girl to bang and I had no expectations. I knew she lived far and that she would kind of be just a nice side lay as I would continue to search for more. But as we kept hanging out, seeing each other, ect.. we both started to develop feelings for each other. So thats when we began having some guidelines BC i dont want to hurt this girl... and i dont want to hurt any girl.

but this uncertainty was just a little disturbing. SO I wanted to get some others opinions and you have all helped greatly.

If anyone else has some specific incite please feel free to comment.

Thanks again everyone
Duke