Hi guys.

The title "Girlfriend said I'm to easy" summarize both my (our) problem and possibly the solution. However I wanted to get some opinions on the situation to deal with it the best I can. I will first give you some insight in the situation, and what I have done so far.

Quick summary:
- Dating 5 months
- She cares more about the relationship than I do
- She is inexperienced in bed
- She have never had an orgasm with a boy (at least it's what she claims)
- She might have been violated +3 years ago
- She has low sex drive
- She have never said "I love you" to anyone
- She have never been in an invested relationship before now
- She is not the best to show physcal affection

Okay guys, now you have the summary. I realised early that sex was going to be "the curve ball" in this relationship, but fully aware of this I took it on as a challenge.

What I have done so far
I talked about sex very early in the relationship which has proven a good tactic. It went from her thinking sex is a necessity, to her thinking sex is fucking awesome. I make sure she has an orgasm 90 % of the time we have sex. Taking the lead, and guiding her in bed. Building her confidence both in regard to her performance in bed, but also how she view her body (she is hot, but don't think so herself). This has showed some massive improvements. Example: Strutting around in her panties to show of (which was unthinkable 4 months ago).

Everything was going well, but the frequency was still not satisfying. We only meet on weekends. Usually had sex 1, maybe 2 times a week. On several occasions I initiated talking about the subject, and in a calm but firm tone I told her that I am not satisified. Those talks made me realise that her (natural) sex drive isn't necesarly low, but that the psyhological part played a big deal (see "Quick summary). The talks resultet in her giving me blowjobs everytime we showered. Furthermore I realised that even though she had a low sex drive - when I got her horny by stimulating her she got horny as hell. Problem was getting her in the mood since she often would reject me before I could get her horny.

So after spending the first time in the relationship making her confident, comfortable and enjoying sex I contemplated on how to turn up the frequency now that the quality was getting there. My newfound strategy was using a lot of inuendos when we talked - increasing the sexual tension. In adition to this I increased the frequencies of my advances. As expected this increased the rejections, but also the frequency went up. Also had some talks during this period where I gave her compliments about her increased sex drive, she even entertained the idea of having at threesome with another girl.

This sitation is far from ideal, but I'm getting close to the prefered frequency. Also I intended that this was only temporary until I got her sex drive up to par. I refuse to keep getting rejected, I shall have sex when I crave it - there are offcourse exceptions but you get the idea. This leads me to the present and the title of this post.

I'm too easy

Yesterday she told me that I'm to easy, that she could get me whenever she wanted. In other words she had sex in abundance. Alltough said in a playfull manner, it gave me a reality check. This is the downside of my latest strategy of "forcing" the frequency up to increase her sex drive. If it was a good strategy in the first place can be questioned, but here I am.

I see this as a golden oportunity to meet my goal in frequency and quality of sex. First I made her realise how awesome sex can be, and then I increased the frequency. So in her eyes she is having a good sex life, that she is enjoying. What I intend to do now is to stop initiating sex, and telling her no when/if she initiates sex in a playfull/teasing manner. In accordance to Cialdinis principal of Scaricity this should leave her wanting sex, or ideally, begging for sex.

What I need advice on is how to pull that off. I see many ways of how this can go to hell, not achieving my goal at all. So my dear community, if you have any input on the listed questions, or comments on what I have written so far, please voice your thoughts. For the record, this is the first time I'm dealing with a GF that have low sex drive.

1. Any advice on how to stay strong when withholding sex and you are horny?
2. How to turn her down when she is initiating sex without her thinking something is wrong?
3. How many times/ how long should I withhold sex to reach my goal to increase her sex drive?

It's important that when you have sex, you initiate kino and be playful, but do not give in to the sex until she asks for it. Make her say please is the best way. Start foreplay, and then decide you're hungry, take her out for dinner, eat slowly, flirting with her as you do. But do not under any circumstances give in until you feel, not that YOU are ready, but that SHE has begged / asked nicely enough.

Thank you for the reply.

You are making a really good point, because I was planning on not teasing her - just stop initiating sex all together. However I can see how teasing her, and showing her I am able to stop would be even more effective.

There's no such thing as being too easy. Don't listen to her absurd chick-logic. Withholding sex is not good for a relationship. If anything, withhold orgasms.. bring her right up to the tipping point and then stop. Then wait a minute or two and repeat. Make her beg you for an orgasm. =)

-Wolf

_________________
Screening: drama-free-relationships-1-screening-vt124827.html
Bad Behavior: drama-free-relationships-3-the-soft-next-vt125554.html

Hi Wolf, thanks for posting!

That's good advice. Do you have other thoughts on how to increase her sex drive? (Alltough it's more about getting her sex drive back to normal after the things she have been through, see summary).

Well, unfortunately, there's a lot of things that go into a girls sex drive. As guys, we only have control of some of the variables. Hormones play a big role. However, what you CAN do to help is to encourage her to have a dirty mind. Get her to talk about all of her suppressed fantasies, even if they involve other men, multiple men, simulated rape, etc. Figure out which fantasies really get her going and help her indulge them via role play / bondage games / threesomes / etc. Encourage her to masturbate (with or without your help).


-Wolf

_________________
Screening: drama-free-relationships-1-screening-vt124827.html
Bad Behavior: drama-free-relationships-3-the-soft-next-vt125554.html

English is not my first language, so I am not absolutly sure what you mean by "violated". Just to be sure, I would rule out if she had been raped or mistreated. If she has been raped or similar, the whole situation is totally different. Very carefully(!) ask her if she has ever been badly treated by a guy. Just say you want to rule it out and be careful.

I had a fuck buddy who had been raped. She would sometimes freak out or panik for no apparent reason. Like, she had like 3 orgasms in a row and I leaned back and said 'now it is your turn!'. That reminded her of something and she was totally in panik. But she was over it enough so she just told me why.

Now, the chances are slim but I would rule it out anyways.