Hey, some of you may have read some of my other topics, i have made quite a lot..
mostly i think it was all about my insecurites i needed a lot of confirmation in my relationship which i still do.

it was about 3 months this started and we have been together for 6, i think i have fightet these feelings for 1-2 months. And in some ways i have started to see results i believe, but meanwhile with me needing less confirmation, i feel like the romantic and intensity closeness and such, are starting to get lesser. This have made me more careless about her, which i believe might be a true sign of me evolving, but at the same time, i dont wont to feel that way in a relationship. I know that having and insecure relationship and obsessive is not healthy, and those feelings are sort of addictive, but at the same time, i dont think i like the relationship if they are not there.

Therefor the scary question, that saddens me a whole lot... do i need to break-up?

I dont really now what i want you guys to answer me on, but i think that i might just want you to tell me, if this way i am feeling about my relationship is normal and longterm it will change, if it is just a phase... or if i need to do what is somekind of unimaginable...

every answer i appreciated <3

edit: I also think that some part of me, is actually mad with her. We had a long talk about my need for confirmation is bigger than hers. I then mentioned something like, i would not ask her to try to give me a little more confirmation even though that might just save our relationship, cause i guess i wanted her to do it by herself. And when i said that she just answered "yeah" or something like it was not a option.. I just dont get why she just cant give me a little more, if it would help majorly long term..

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My mind have an idea of what i deserve - i will go beyond it

In relationships, after 2-3 months a lot of those chemicals that are there initially (during the "falling in love phase") will disappear. Your body releases a lot of chemicals like dopamins, endorphins etc. (actually a lot of the same things you see in serious cases of OCD) and it will make you pretty dependent of the person the first few months. While some of the chemicals remain, most of them will not. I know of a couple of guys that'll break up with women at this point, and find someone new. Constantly striving towards regaining that feeling.

When you enter a real LTR (something that'll last for years), you'll have to settle down with it, and understand that things won't feel the same after the first period of time. This is where a lot of drama-queens start acting up, to keep a lot of emotions going in the relationship. With my current GF we're slowly getting there, it's been lasting for the better part of two months and it's slightly going downhill. Then again, this is something I was aware of, and brought up early on, telling her that "If this is going to work we need to realize a couple of things. 1. Things will not always feel like they do now, and we'll have to live with that. 2. What will define whether this relationship will work or not, is will the good times weigh up for the bad ones. We will fight, we will disagree, and things will not be all gold and green fields." We both agreed that we would put in the work nessecary to make this work in the long run, and she understood aswell that her feelings towards me would not always be the same aswell.

"Therefor the scary question, that saddens me a whole lot... do i need to break-up?"

Since you label this as a "scary question that saddens you a whole lot" I really don't think you should break up. You will most likely not regain the same feelings towards her (unless you get her pregnant, your body will release a lot of the same chemicals for a couple of years to make you stay around and help the kid survive his first years), but you need to figure out if the good times are worth the bad.

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Alea iacta est - The die has been cast

Thank you very much!!!

I guess it is quite possible that she started to loose those chemicals or whatever it is, that makes it feel so magical in the beginning, before me?

Which then resolved in me being insecure in the relationship leading to me being obsessive.

Do you think that makes sense??

Anyway with all this going on, I guess it is unlucky that I am insecure about my relationship at the same time.

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My mind have an idea of what i deserve - i will go beyond it

The first thing you need to figure out at this point, is whether you want the relationship to continue. If you do, you will accept that it doesn't come naturally for her to always give you confirmation (needing confirmation, makes me feel like you have some serious inner-game issues you need to fix). If you don't, break up with her.

It's natural to feel insecure from time to time, what really counts is if you have the confidence not to act upon it. Remember - Confidence is a choice.

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Alea iacta est - The die has been cast

Thanks man, i talked with her about it last saturday and she got pretty sad over me even thinking about breaking up, cause as she said, she wants to be with me! anyway, ever since saturday, i have felt good, and whenever i have gotten these emotion of insecurity, i have sort of thrown them away i guess.. which is soo great, finally to have some time where i can relax, and not worry about my relationship. Also when i feel this way, i am able to be much more logical about things.. for an example, i like her a lot, which gives me the thought of being with her like forever and get married with her, even have kids with her, which is a whole lot (only 18y). And i kinda like that, i like to joke with it i guess, and talk as if it is meant to be. In which case she is the complete opposite, which have leed to a lot of hard times for me, cause she doesn't like to say stuff like "you are the one for me"
But then earlier we started to talk about wedding cake, and she said something like "i want that one for our wedding", and for a joke i said, "well, if we get married". And last she said "yeah, but the odds are pretty good" and at first i got butthurt over her not saying that we definitely will get married, but when she doesn't even like to think about stuff like that, i figured it was a pretty good sign!

a long post, but too sum up, i feel better about things!

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My mind have an idea of what i deserve - i will go beyond it

Let's get an update bro.

My 3 months with my chick is up so I'm ready to move on but need to do so lightly so I can still get a little sugar once in awhile

haha good thinking man!

well, i think that me actual problem has all the time been, that i am insecure about the relationship.
But i think it is going better, sometimes I forget to control my thoughts at which point I can easily freak out, which i definitely need to learn to control. I think the best cure would be to see a shrink to find out where this insecurity comes from, but i do not have the money for that

Sometimes when I see that the way i think is irrational and i am about to freak out, I can control by thinking of my best moments, which assures me that i would be fine even if i did not have my girlfriend, and confirms me in the way that i get the feel, that i am THE MAN

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My mind have an idea of what i deserve - i will go beyond it

Fuck shrinks, man! I'd rather have you read up on some inner game! Knowledge breeds self-esteem. It's like you say, whenever you feel insecure, you simply realize what is really going on and understand that you're overreacting. This is actually one of the most effective ways to deal with feelings of insecurity. Name it, tame it, set it free. Realize that you feel jealous or whatever, realize that what you're feeling is based on insecurity, not facts, and enjoy as the feelings slowly drift away, if not disappears completely.

Now, inner game is without doubt the most challenging part of PUA if this doesn't come naturally to you. I've spent the better part of 1,5 years trying to figure it out. I read and read, practiced and practiced. And one day, I just got it. For me, the trick was to always be myself, no matter what. I never changed for anyone and I always spoke my mind. That was my magic pill, hope you find yours!

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Alea iacta est - The die has been cast

Thanks man, i get what your saying! But it is like my mind became weaker ever since i starting feeling insecure in this relationship, and i sometimes get feelings which i can locate where are coming from, which i think a shrink would be able to help me with. That being said, i have had luck with trying to think rationelt but sometimes it just doesn't do the trick for me. Like last night, me and my girilfriend both have profile pictures on facebook where we kiss, and then when i updated my facebook homepage i could see that she had changed it, and immediately i felt a huge rock in my stomach and i just couldn't overcome it by rationalizing it....

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My mind have an idea of what i deserve - i will go beyond it

Valdermar,

LTR are different for the reasons talked about earlier, the euphoric feelings are not a daily occurrence like they are in the honeymoon stage. It's at this point that you DECIDE to love someone or not.

I'm not religious, but there is a book I read by Gary Chapman about love languages. People are different, and they need different things to feel loved and good about their choice in a mate. Sounds to me like you need words of affirmation, which is also my primary love language. It's difficult to determine how much of this need is insecurity and unhealthy and how much is ok, but I guess that's up to each couple.

I'm going from memory, but other Love Languages he talked about where quality time and acts of service, and physical touch. People typically tend to love how they want to be loved. If physical touch is a big one for you and you never get laid, you can see why that's a problem. Same thing for you, if you need words of affirmation, and she doesn't give it, you feel less awesome about the relationship you're in. In a nutshell, the euphoric feelings are the chemical reactions to the feelings you get when someone new hits you with doses of your love language. A hot new girl tells you all sorts of great shit about you, how cute you are, funny, etc, and you eat it right up. Figure this out about yourself, and tell your girl to figure out the same, and I'll bet that if you exert some effort to hit her with what she wants she'll reciprocate, and you'll feel pretty fucking good about your relationship. LTR are vastly different from pickup in this regard. At some point the games have to stop and an LTR develops.

The decision to break up should come when you know what your partner wants, and you just don't want to give it on the level they are asking for. When all that is clear, breaking up is still tough and sad, but a lot easier to accept than it is without it.