Being in a relationship with an emotionally manipulative woman can literally be like being dragged through the Ninth Ring of Dante's Inferno by Rob Zombie and his Demon Horde.

Needless to say, it fucking sucks.

I know this is a PUA forum, but a lot of guys come on here also seeking relationship advice, trying to get over One-itis, as well as trying to recover their souls from ... EMOTIONALLY MANIPULATIVE WOMEN. So, I figured I would share my experience. Although the MPUAs among us likely do not need this advice, many of the new PUAs and RAFCs do! So beware and don't say I didn't warn you all!

I've been dating an emotionally manipulative woman off and on for approximately a year, after being in a very long term and unhealthy relationship. Over the course of this year, I have learned a lot of very valuable information.

The point of today's article is to give all my fellow dudes a proverbial 'heads up' about the conduct of Emotionally Manipulative Women, the telltale signs you might be dealing with one, their employed tactics, and how to be triumphant while still maintaining your soul and dignity in the process.

What is an emotionally manipulative woman?

1. She cares more for her own gratification than any of your wants or needs.

2. She gains tremendous amounts of gratification through attention seeking behavior and emotional energy being spent on her, none of which will she GENUINELY reciprocate.

3. She is only capable of a parasitic type of relationship, she NEVER gives as much as or more than you do IN ANY CIRCUMSTANCE, it will seem very calculating down to the minutia.

What are the telltale signs you might be dealing with one?

1. She makes you feel like someone that you aren't and commonly relates to you from the point-of-view that you are the bad guy and she is the victim, thereby leaving you in a constant position of "doing for her" or "making it up to her" or "showing her how much you love her". Get the point? Even the most minor transgressions (or no transgression at all) will be used to make you LOVE HER!!! Ever experienced this?

2. Conflicting messages. She will be overly affectionate and border on clingy-insane and dote so much love on you that it actually starts to feel creepy, because deep down inside you realize that something is wrong. Something is 'off' in the situation. However, the very second that you feel comfortable in her affection for you, she will get very cold and icy and demanding, she will accuse you of things such as "taking her for granted" or "not being understanding" or "not caring". AGAIN, this is to put you on the defensive stance so that you will again have to "do for her", "make it up to her", and "love her"!

3. A fixation on you. Now, some of you might read #1 and #2 of the telltale signs that I just listed above and say "wait a second, those just sound like typical female shit tests and games". Well, to an extent you are right. However, the difference when it comes to dealing with an Emotionally Manipulative Woman is that she will go to great lengths to get back into your good graces. She will tell you that she hates you, never wants to see you again, etc...and yet somehow...she will keep coming back for more, like the Lioness returning to the disemboweled Gazelle for a late night nibble. She won't have a healthy dating life, and for all of her discontent with your seemingly unacceptable ways, her entire world still revolves around you and garnering your UNDYING AFFECTION. See the difference, guys?

What are their Tactics?

What we just described above were the telltale signs, not the tactics. There is a difference. It's subtle, but it's there. An Emotionally Manipulative Woman only employs one tactic. It is a very broad and "all encompassing" behavior.

Their one tactic is this: YOU BEING EMOTIONALLY DEPENDENT ON THEM, BUT THEM NOT BEING EMOTIONALLY DEPENDENT ON YOU, IN AN AVOWED ULTRA-MONOGAMOUS RELATIONSHIP. These women will NOT accept dating multiple people or you even giving them permission to do it or to have alone time with their friends, because these are all signs that you are an independent person, and that is not in their gameplan. They want to squash that into oblivion. You must be obsessed with her as she will pretend to be obsessed with you, and therefore she can feed on your for her own gratification while giving nothing back and leaving you a depleted mess of a shell of a man before moving on. And trust me, hear this now: These women will accept nothing more than your total spiritual, emotional, and physical anhilation, the utter destruction of your being. Believe me.

This will manifest in virtually every interaction that you have with an Emotionally Manipulative Woman.

They want you to be there for them when they are feeling down and need someone to talk to, but good luck the one thing (the first damned time you need them when you are feeling the least bit down, or worried, or anxious, or any other life situation that you have going on), because they will not be there like any other normal human would be.

They want you to spend money on them, but the very first time you suggest that she pick up lunch or buy the wine, she will treat you like the biggest piece of shit. But she won't come out and say it, she will just passive-aggressively attempt to make you feel like you should apologize for her doing one thing nice for you.

They will REALLY be into receiving in the bedroom, but not at all into giving, and when they do, you will sense that something is 'off' about it. You might not even be aroused and you might have a hard time keeping it up (in your head you will be thinking WTF is wrong with me, she is sucking my cock, and I can't keep it up), that is because this woman body language and overall demeanor will be one of not enjoying what she is doing and only doing it out of obligation. Ever been here guys?

Like I said above, in example after example, interaction after interaction, you will be the giver and she will be the taker, and she will shame you, blame you, and hate you for it. BUT she will keep coming back to feed on more until you are destroyed.

How to be Victorious?!!!

Insist on an open relationship. Encourage her to date other people (if the opportunity ever arises, wink-wink)

She will resist you vehemently, not only that, but she will call you every name in the book, yell and scream about how you are breaking her heart, why would you do this to me. She will insist over and over I LOVE YOU, I ONLY LOVE YOU, I ONLY WANT YOU. Then she will give ultimatums like "I just don't know if I can accept this" or "I am not that kind of girl". But persist, explain to her that you are doing for her, out of your love for her, that you want her to be happy even if someday that means not with you. That you don't expect her to turn down opportunities to be with other people if she has feelings toward them, and that you will likely do the same. Recommend taking things slowly, etc. Again, this really is advice for AFCs and RAFCs because most PUAs would never be in this position in the first place.

One of two things will happen, the truth will be discovered:

1. Either she will be cool with it and you aren't dealing with a true emotionally manipulative woman.

or...

2. She will NOT under any circumstance be able to accept you being an independent person and encouraging her to do likewise. She will NOT accept it, ever. She will beg, lie, cheat, steal to get things back to her advantage. She might even smile and agree to it. Then a week or two later, suddenly, MAGICALLY, things will be the exact same way they were. All of her games will have returned, all of her expectations and demands will have returned, etc. Then you know what you are dealing with.

Good luck and Beware!

I got my inspiration for this topic from my own experiences, and Mack's topic about recognizing one. So what do you do when you realize the woman you're involved with fits this role? Well, you've basically got two options: run for the hills or continue the game. The first option, I'm gonna tell ya is probably your smartest bet, because these women prey on suckers and can really fuck your shit up. But if you insist on maximizing your interactions with a woman like this, read on.

Feel free to correct me, and share your similar experiences.

First, let's discuss what benefits you gain from continuing the game on a woman like this. As you may have already experienced, the sex with a crazy chick is often phenominal. It's how they keep suckers around. They feed on the attention and validation through men via seduction and manipulation. Another benefit is that if you can maintain the power over a crazy chick, you can really develop your game. Think, if you can maintain control with a crazy girl, then normal girls will seem much easier to handle in the future. A lot of good lessons can be had here.

Things to keep in mind, once you recognize the signs:

1. These women often suffer childhood trauma, often neglect and sexual abuse. They are DAMAGED and you CANNOT FIX THEM.
2. Emotionally, they are like children. When unsure what to do, pretend she is an eight year old girl. With the expectations and punishment/reward system that children follow.
3. They are NOT capable of real, mature love. Despite what affections and attention she may shower upon you, it is NOT real. Do NOT, and I mean ABSOLUTELY DO NOT DATE THEM. If for some reason they insist on being your girlfriend, make the relationship be an open one as a condition. Tell her some nonsense reasons, such as that she will be allowed to pursue other guys, or that you were cheated on in the past.
4. These women are drawn to men with their own baggage. However, they often use them up and tire of them. Only one type of man can hold their attention indefinitely...
5. The Narcissist. Read up on it, and adopt the traits of a Narcissistic Man. Continually hold yourself in higher regard than her, no matter what. Do not let her think she has ever fully met your needs, or is able to please you. This will keep her trying.
6. Never, and I mean NEVER give her what she wants. You may throw small bones here and there, but any compliments you give should be double-edged. Don't tell her how much you care about her or love her. Say things instead like "nobody can love you like I do" or "you could mean the world to me, but you keep letting me down".
7. Always be seeing and fucking other women. This will keep her pining for your attention. If there's no other girls in the picture, she'll know she has you and that she has won. Your value will plummet. Make no effort to hide that you are fucking other women, but you don't have to brag about it either.
8. Never commit. See #3. Dangle it in front of her, making your love and attention conditional, but as soon as she meets those conditions then give new ones and push her away.
9. Never react. Even moreso than normal women. If these EMW's ever think you're reacting to them, they'll see you as weak.
10. Pretend that you are their God. You are their mother, their father, and the center of their universe. These women grew up being completely unable to please their parents and loved ones, and are addicted to the abuse. This woman exists to worship the ground you walk upon, and as soon as she lets you down you must punish her.
11. Set boundaries and limits. Don't give ultimatums, but always stand your ground and put your needs above hers.
12. Never expect her to be honest with you. They've made a lifetime of getting what they want by lying. Always assume she is fucking other guys, and lying to you about anything that may portray her negatively to you.
13. Act ambivalently. One minute, give her total attention and fawn over her. The next, pretend she doesn't exist, especially when she displeases you. You'll keep her fighting for your attention.
14. When you fuck, fuck the daylights out of her. She gets her comfort and validation through sex, and if you're giving it to her the best then she'll never leave.
15. She loves THE CHASE. Never, ever, ever, let her think for even a moment she has your undying love and attention. She doesn't know how to handle mature, real relationships, and will push you away as soon as you pursue one. Never let her catch you.
16. If you really piss her off, give her an "honest apology". She will think you have changed, and things will be like she wants them to, but come back and work back into your seat of power. She may think she wants things to change, but subconsciously she does not. She wants to be abused, neglected, and manipulated.
17. Isolate her. Don't spend time getting to know her friends and family, you are trying to become more important than them to her.
18. When she flips out on you, ignore her and shut her out. Don't defend yourself - you're God, remember? God is infallible. Her problems are HER problems, and any outbursts from her will be reciprocated by you leaving. She fears abandonment above all else, and if she thinks you're going to leave then she'll make it up to you.
19. Make your affection conditional. If she asks you for something, you can do it but only if you get something out of it.
20. Don't outright LIE to them, but always be vague about the truth. Never give straight answers. If she does catch you lying, twist the scenario to place blame on her. Remember, if she's the one at fault, she has something to fix.

Above all else, remember that you are dealing with a woman who is EMOTIONALLY A CHILD. You MUST treat her as one. Now, do I recommend that you follow these steps with someone you are seeing and care about? Absolutely not. In fact, there's probably a lot of anger in my words. I also think there's some really morally gray stuff in here, and that these EMW's really need serious therapy and help. However, they will refuse to get it, chewing up and spitting out anyone in their path. If you insist on maintaining a relationship with an EMW, definitely keep all these things in mind. The EMW I was involved with on-and-off for about 9 months taught me all of these lessons. She has been controlled by her Narcissistic ex-boyfriend for over three years. He cheated on her, lied to her, dumped her repeatedly, never went out of his way for her, kept fucking and pursuing other women, and still maintains control to this day. The last time he really cut her out, he went no contact for three months while he dated another girl. During this time is when I met her, and she instantly put me on a pedastal and attached herself to me. I didn't see the signs back then, and nobody could validate all the claims I'd heard of her "being crazy". I allowed myself to fall for her, and once I did she left me out of nowhere. I went no contact for several months, and she instantly attached herself to me again... but little did I know she only wanted to know she could still have me. After a couple months of being FWB, I let her know that she could, and I was summarily discarded again. The whole experience taught me a lot, but it was mentally exhausting and I hope that what I've learned through this I could share with the community.

Now don't confuse my advice with treating her like shit. Karma is a bitch. You can be nice to her at times, and do things for her, but only do them as a reward. Don't ever physically or sexually abuse her, but you can emotionally manipulate her in a subtle way. Just remember, you're dealing with a child.

Even if you do decide to keep this woman around, you do so at a high risk. She will most likely drain you, wreak havoc on your self esteem and confidence, and you may start to believe you can't do any better than her. That she's a victim you need to "save". Guess what - she doesn't want to be saved! Do yourself a favor, and as soon as you think she may start to have a negative impact on your life then let her go. Don't let her become YOUR problem. If you're drawn to women like these, you've probably got your own issues to sort out and may need therapy yourself.

All in all, please feel free to share you stories with dating an EMW, and help refine my guidelines. I think that they're probably over the top and cruel, but I assure you that there is a lot of truth in them. If you can do this correctly, you're get yourself a great fuck buddy and potentially great partner for sexual adventures and group sex. But never forget - as soon as you fall for them, you're done.

One example I can think of, is the character Elle Bishop from the TV show Heroes. Her father continually lets her know how much of a disappointment she is, and she is constantly trying to gain his affection. Despite being an adult woman in her 20's, Elle is portrayed as mentally unstable and reminds me quite a bit of my ex. She is petty, uses other characters to her own benefit (using her sex appeal as well), and only cares about herself and pleasing her father. Always refers to her father as "Daddy".