We've been together a bit over a year. I love her ~were 23
I've been super busy with school, and cant afford to go out and party. She graduated and working full time
sidenote- we've never talked about our past relationships - but facebook tells us everyones history..
Anyway:
Shes been acting a bit strange lately always covering her phone and texting where I can't see. Not proud of this but I checked her phone a week or so ago and saw she had been texting an old bf. (BF from like 6 years ago, maybe just friends now idk) but the texting was often and for a majority of the time we've been together. He tried to meet up with her 3 weeks ago when she was out with her friends but they didnt meet. I was busy that weekend with school. The texts were long and hes been inviting her to do things. Couldn't tell if she is being polite or flirty.
Last weekend she was going to meet up with her friends and go out.(im also too busy with school) I asked who, she mentioned some of her friends that I knew, but not this guy.
I called her while she was out:: and she answered at a club and abruptly hung up, didnt say anything.
I turned my phone off and focused on school.
She left me a voicemail in the middle of the night, emailed me and contacted my family, got them freaked out.

I feel disrespected for being hung up on. When i did talk to her a day later she was upset and I said well I think i called you but you hung up. She said it was too loud. Talked for a bit :
HER: Are you was busy this week
ME: yeah im pretty busy every week(engineering fyi),
HER: (she shit tests me negatively) fine maybe ill just talk to you next week
ME: calm down, alright, im sure we can find sometime this week

Im trying to draw a line of respect and while not showing her i know shes been texting an old bf. Im not worried about this guy, but to her I shouldn't even know he exists and it bothers me I can't rightfully straight up ask her to see if she lies to me. Also I want to say that hangin up on me and not texting/calling till 4 hours later on a friday night while im studying is disrespectful and is diminishing trust.
How/should I confront wihtout coming off as insecure

"breakup" alarm

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Dear Optimist, Pessimist & Realist,

Just to let you know that while you guys were arguing about the glass of water...... I drank it!

Sincerely, the Opportunist

She sounds like a party girl who you tried to tame into a stay at home girl. It's tempting but All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. Typical situation: Guy gets a girl and doesn't want anyone else to flirt with her, so keeps her at home, I'm ashamed to say I did it once. Has she ever said she is friends with that ex boyfriend? If not, she has definitely betrayed your trust, BUT you have betrayed her trust by snooping on her phone.

When she texted you saying "Fine blah blah" you should've held your frame of "im busy" instead of caving into her diva attitude, you lost alpha points there for sure, that was a pure beta response. Personally I would break up with her to take control of the situation and be prepared to walk away. If/When she chases you to make up, it will be on your terms and she will understand you will no longer be pussy whipped. Do not cave into her demands. If she is still being diva / drama queen, next her and go NC.

@HopSlam- Some word of advice.

You're 23, and she is also.

Why and how do you expect her to be in a committed LTR at such a young age in this day and time?

She's obviously craving fun!

You should be also!

She doesn't want this relationship because at some point, she looked back and said to herself, "I'm fucking 23, I should be singling and mingling but this BF of mines is in the way".

I'm 31 years old (just turned 31), my GF is a MILF (41 years old). Her days of having fun is over!

I still have all the fun since I'm still in the frame of being young.

I'm not telling you to get a MILF, but you have to understand that women in their 20's aren't stable!

They usually reach that point about 30 where their focus shifts to adult things, although they still want to fuck and party.

My advice would be to just let it ride out and you do some of the same. Start acting shady too. Let her wonder!

And for future reference: learn to DTR: define the relationship early! You'd avoid a lot of what you're currently going through.

Check out the short video of me below where I talk about this concept.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_cwnvgSnx74[/youtube]

_________________
Most active PUA blog in the community since 2009.
https://kennyspuathoughts.wordpress.com ... arly-2022/

Now active on YT again with PUA, Red Pill, Manosphere content:
https://youtu.be/tj5rnL_qKfM

Great point Hunter! That's exactly what I was trying to communicate also; this chick is craving for fun and party.

_________________
Most active PUA blog in the community since 2009.
https://kennyspuathoughts.wordpress.com ... arly-2022/

Now active on YT again with PUA, Red Pill, Manosphere content:
https://youtu.be/tj5rnL_qKfM

She's never mentioned this ex bf, I realized from Facebook they were a couple in highschool. To play on her side she would probably say "i can talk to old bf b/c hes just a friend now and he never came up in our conversations."
About the "fine blah blah" which wasnt a text, over the phone. I knew i ****ed that up the second after.

How do I go about breaking up? She'll ask why? Maybe I just say things aren't working out and end the conversation quick.

Don't mention her ex-boyfriend, because it will prove you were snooping her phone.

You dont necessarily need to give a list of reasons. Just say you don't like the way she treats you, you deserve better and she will know whats up. Most women push the boundaries to see what they can get away with until their man puts them in their place.

Be fully prepared to lose her if you end it. Only accept her back if she behaves the way you want and it's on your terms. You will never be happy if you always have to cave in to her demands and snoop her phone. Better to lose her and find a better girl than be unhappy with this girl. Either she meets your standards / requirements or you move on, no contact and start gaming other women.

Hunter_Foxe is right, you are the alpha her. Try talk to her, and tell her everything you don't like about her. Be tough and have a courage to do talk ti her. You are a man dude, you act like a gal. You have to show her that she should not treat you like that. If you are not happy with her, tell her, and break it up. I know you deserve someone that can pass your expectation, you have school, and you have to focused on that. Don't let this girl ruined your concentration in your studies. It is your lost if you put her in the no. 1 list, before your school.

I heard great advice once that said if you want to change a relationship you have to be willing to risk losing the relationship.

Accept that she is into other guys or having her fun while you study, or do something to change that.

I'm with him a lot of red flags, I think you are in a lot more mature place then her and want to settle down with her but shes still in party mode. But meeting up with a ex behind your back is really bad and disrespectful to you I'd probably be done and move on.