We have to agree on disagreeing bud. In case you didn't catch it, i made a criticism of OP's trying to convince himself that he doesn't have needs, while (just like you) changing potato for potato on his speech, and saying potato its not a need. Just like its written up there, I say that its natural for we all to have needs. And given OP's needs, I then moved on to suggesting X and Y to try and keep his girl.

The subtle difference that you didn't catch is that at no point I suggested OP to be needy. I based the advice on understanding and embracing what and how he is now, and then moving on from that.

If you want to change his entire mindset in 15 minutes, good luck!

Definitely I agree. You have to chose whether shes a good match or not, and preferably early. Now note that OP, at the time of the post, had decided she was a match in certain ways, but in others she wasn't. That's why he came here: to seek for any ideas of how he could work around them or whether he should just move on.

So yes, again you miss the subtle difference. He could naturally or sneakly try to change the DYNAMIC of the RELATIONSHIP. Not her PERSONALITY, neither his. My thoughts were based on accepting both of them how they currently are. And OF COURSE, that will then come from a mindset of neediness.
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Now leaving OP aside, what interest me the most in your post was the fallacies you wrote about yourself man. I use to have mindsets and beliefs like yours. Now they are slightly different...not too much, just slightly more honest. You go ahead and keep trying to convince yourself you don't need affection man...I sincerely wish you good luck in your life with that.

Cheers

My understanding of your advice: pretend to be something that you're not, lie about what you want, and try to sneakily change the dynamics of the relationship. How is that for honesty? Also, how is discerning between needs and wants a fallacy? Perhaps the difference is subtle, but I wouldn't want to suggest you have trouble understanding subtlety.

And as for measuring the quality of the advice. In this situation, being open and honest earlier in the relationship would have provided clarity to both parties, and OP would have at least avoided the time wasted on worrying about the lack of affection, if not the whole heartbreak situation. Your advice to stick with the status quo would have led to, well, exactly the status quo. So well, good luck trying to sneak yourself into a good love life.

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One of the most useful things you will ever learn about body language.

A few key points:

1.My advice never rounded around being honest, yours did. I said "don't speak up what is going on". You said "be open/honest about whats going on". So yeah, "outgoing honesty" is a value that YOU established in this scenario - not me - hence "how is that for honesty" is just a dumb thing for you to say...its not my value, its yours...(slight fallacy usage again for the win?)

2.Needing something leads to wanting it. Its how your brain works from it's very core. Now, wanting something doesn't necessarily equate to needing it. Being honest with yourself and finding out if you want what you want because you simply want it, or if you want it because its a deeper concious or unconcious need -that is what I'm about. Which leads to point 3

3.I dont care what you believe or want man. Its your life. Now, understand this: It's hardwired in you head (unless you have some more serious mental disorder) the NEED for peer recognition. That's why the qualification process as the "rewads" in the gaming process are so important. Everybody needs in their brain to feel accepted, recognized, loved, respected, wanted and so on, by someone at some point. Yes you can go a stretch without it, but not your entire life. There's chemical processes involved, and you cant control chemistry your brain. You might even be able to, but I wont go there.

So yeah, you show up here and say, between other things, that you don't need affection(too strongly linked to peer recognition - I wont go into why) - that's a fallacy, I called you out, and you now dislike me for that. You are not honest enough with yourself to recognize your fallacies, you are not honest enough with yourself to realize that you are gonna forever refute anything I say to you, being it true or not, for the simple fact that you don't like me. So this turns into a waste of my time.

I won't be saying anything about the second part of your comment, neither this topic as a whole, since this isn't even about op anymore. I will say this though, when people ask me what to do in a specific situation, ill always try and answer-in my entirely personal opinion- what they should do, and not what they should have done previously, or how they should have been as a person/mindset before anything happened... Pardon me, but I didn't think that was the question. Hope you catch that subtlety

Talk to her, tell her what you want. It is up to her if she does it or not. Because in relationship, talking is the also the best way to have in a successful relationships. So that you know what to improve in your relationship.

Indeed, and that is why my advice is better than yours. It is perfectly fine if you personally don't care about openness or honesty in your relationships, but people generally do. And it's not just me who says that, it's common sense. Moreover, there's plenty of science on it, e.g.:
http://spr.sagepub.com/content/8/2/217.short
http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1 ... x/abstract
http://psycnet.apa.org/journals/psp/92/2/355/
You do not appear to know what a fallacy is. I stated A, you stated ¬A. That is not, like you claim, pointing out a fallacy, that is disagreeing with each other. I can point out some fallacies if you like: "Now leaving OP aside, what interest me the most in your post was the fallacies you wrote about yourself man. I use to have mindsets and beliefs like yours. Now they are slightly different...not too much, just slightly more honest." In this quote you suggest that my reasoning is fallacious and that the conclusion is therefore untrue (which is called a fallacy fallacy); and you suggest that I am dishonest, while that has no bearing on the disagreement whatsover (which is called ad hominem). Btw, this last point was what I also referred to when I said 'How is that for honesty?' Rather clever, I thought.

But instead of pointing out fallacies and clever rhetoric all the time, shall we focus on the arguments? I had presented an argument in my original post (i.e. needs are necessary conditions to be happy, whereas wants add to happiness but are not necessary conditions for it), and you have finally also presented one in your last post. And it's a doozie: "It's hardwired in you head ... the NEED for peer recognition." Skipping over the fact that peer recognition and affection are quite obviously not the same thing (e.g. affection from parents is a form of affection that is not peer recognition, because parents are not peers), I am curious as to how you discovered this supposed fact about hardwiring. Got any proof whatsoever for that? Or is it just restating your premise like you have done over and over. Because you do realize that repetition of the premise does not constitute an argument right? (Psst... the name of that last one is begging the question.)

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One of the most useful things you will ever learn about body language.