Hi,

I have been suffering from something for a while now in my current ( 1.5 year long relationship ).

To give you guys a better idea.
I am 24, she is 20.

I grew up not being with woman much. I'm an attractive guy but I always waited or refused kissing because I was looking for the perfect girl off the bat, I set the bar way to high ( that almost no real woman would ever be able to meet ). I waited so long that I finally gave in seeing how time flew by. I had my first real kiss at the age of 21. I kept kissing and up untill now I've kissed about 25-30 woman. I have also had 4 one night stands ( not really good experiences ) making my girlfriend number 5 ( having sex with someone I loved is what I always wanted and I regret finding it so late ). However this story is hard to tell people because when people look at me, the way I talk, look, and behave to them resembles someone who's a complete manwhore. And offcourse, I kinda liked it. But I was hiding behind my true self.

She looks like a really shy girl.
Her first kiss at age of 14.
At 16 when she could go to the clubs and bars she enjoyed it so much that she most of the time didn't stick to just one guy. " When a hotter guy walked in I just had to have him ". thus the amount of kiss partners she's had is close to 70-80 people.
Besides the kissing she's experienced about 10ish BJ/handjob/fingering experiences with guys she just met.
During that time she had a friend with benifits thing going on with a guy that was in a broken relationship for almost 2 years. Also being the guy that was her first.
I would be her second apart from a guy she met on holiday that just couldn't get it up ( they tried but just failed ). So basically i'm her third.

I am certain that this is correct since we discussed it many times.

I kinda grew ok with it over the first months when our relationship got a whole lot stronger ( feeling never totally got away though ) but a recent experience while going out triggered it in a way i've never felt it before. I saw a girl at a club kissing 4 to 5 guys & I just pictured my gf doing all those things. It got me upset and I finally talked to her about it. She understands.

She does not hold any remorse or regret for her behavior because she wasn't in a relationship and she did it because it was just a whole lot of fun. She wasn't looking for a relationship either, the idea of settling with one person didn't really appeal to her.

So I have slept with more people, kissed a lot less and haven't done any of the in between stuff.
I've never talked to her about MY past because she just doesn't want to know. She assumes 50+ bedpartners by going from what she hears from people ( I have a very naughty look apparantly & stories grow big, u know how it goes ). She sometimes thinks about it but she's better at pushing the thoughts back to where they came from.

She's a nice and caring person, when we argue she's a good listener and never gets overly emotional. We can talk about pretty much anything.

We're currently in a temporarely Long Distance Relationship thing. Over in a few months though
It brings out what was only a small bother & amplifies it. I see that as a good thing because this way you can work on some, for us ,important things, which otherwise might not have come to the surface.

Talking to her felt really good. We're trying to find what might help to overcome this.
She is supportive and sometimes compares " You were 10 times worse " to maby make me feel better.
I feel like telling her that I'm actually not that guy, it would feel like a relief I think. But taking away that girls fantacy of taming a wild one, I'm not sure if I should do that. I think she might actually like that.

So long story short.

This is both our first relationship.

We met ( I thought, waw, the most innocent girl in the world - ...darnit ),

We both weren't looking for anything serious ( she told me the second she started to develop feelings for me, that she kissed a guy in a bar 2 weeks later after we first kissed, with her past it's understandable, I guess I take more value in kissing someone then she does)

She fell in love, ( so much for the idea of staying single )

I did too, but later.

We now have future plans, are great as a couple. She loves me to bits but is scarce on expressing it, so when she does, it feels heavenly.
& even though I'm really happy with her, I sometimes torture myself with the thought that she did those things, how easily she kissed someone, how she could sleep with a guy that was in a relationship for so long, and also.. the fact that I didn't get to do all those things
I just want to feel complete, no regrets, no negative thoughts & just be happy and in the moment with her for years and years to come.

Ps: She has never wronged me up untill now, & in my opinion, actions speak louder than words.

I hope writing this in pure honesty will give me some honest opinions that could help me coap or even remove these negative feelings.

Thank you for reading,

I'm looking forward to your responses.

Kind Regards,

yc.

You are being insecure, the past is the past. Does it really matter if she was a virgin or been with 100 guys? What matters is that she is with you. It doesn't seem that she has given you a reason to worry about things, so don't. Don't make up problems that don't exist, you're just hurting yourself. Never talk about your partners past unless you can handle the truth and are willing to be honest about your past. Enjoy her without worrying, you will be much happier in the end.

She has talked about her past, I can't undo that. All I came here asking for is a way to handle this, a certain mindset that has helped others in the past. How to not only think that it's futile to worry about it but to actually stop FEELING bad about it also.

It took me about 3-4 reads and quite some of my time to actually understand your problem.

My conclusion is that the highlighted part is the actual problem. The rest is just a means of a would-be rationalization. Stop deceiving yourself. You're intimidated by her sexual past.
Seeing that girl in the club didn't upset you,it scared you.

Now , I mean you no offense , but you're currently doing what every other idiot out there does. By what you've said up to this point you got yourself a great girl. She can listen and be supportive. A WOMAN that can listen and be supportive. Do you have the slightest idea of how rare that is to find and how fundamental it is to a healthy relationship ? No, you don't. You're not realizing that.


The only way you're gonna FEEL better about her past is if you embrace it. Accept it. Find comfort in the fact that you're her first serious relationship. Be proud that of her many many interactions with guys , you are the most successful. She didn't randomly catch feelings for you. YOU did that. YOU provoked those feelings.

The past has nothing to do with the present. My only real relationship was a 3year LTR. I wasn't looking for anything serious at the time , I just met the right person. I became madly in love with her and dedicated myself to her. That happened , although not a single person that knew my past believed it.

Everyone was under the impression that I was a complete man-whore , which to be fair ,I kinda was. That changed when I met her. My past was irrelevant , because in the past she was not a part of my life.

The upside of being with a lot of people is that you really know when you meet someone different. You truly know how to appreciate them and will not easily give them away.

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Thanks, so what you're saying is for me to get over this would be to think about how awesome I am for her picking me everytime I think about her past. Is that gonna make it go away? I would love to accept and embrance it, that's what I'm trying. I know she's an amazing woman, and there is no way i would leave her for just this. I just want to figure out a way to not feel so shit when i think about it and to be able to live more in the moment. I also don't want to ignore those thoughts because then they will always come back. I want to deal with it and eventually grow to be ok with it when I think about it. I just want to get rid of that horrible feeling hehe :p