Alright, long-story short, my longtime girlfriend of about 3 years has lately been losing interest and I'm not sure how to react. She's always been a very insecure girl who before me cheated on her boyfriend numerous times. I gamed her from the start pulling her away from him and she fell crazy in love with me (honestly not an exaggeration). I did everything right and she made me the center of her world. I wrecked this however by kissing another girl that I knew very well and had dated in the past. This broke her heart and she pulled away a little. This problem happened once more after and the relationship has never been the same.

She's the baby in her family having 3 older sisters who constantly try to control her life (her parents do the same). This only adds to her insecurity as she can't stand up to any of them and puts a real stress on our relationship. Her parents and her had a "talk" a few months back about how she shouldn't make a boy the center of her life so early, etc. (she's 20 btw... I'm 19) and from that day forward she has had the power in our relationship. I went away from the principles of the game and bowed down to her in order to try and regain her trust. As you all know, this obviously has backfired and I seem to have become her last priority. She always puts work and school and front of me, and often uses them as an excuse for not hanging out. Our sex life has gone from about 4 times a week (LOVED IT) to maybe once every 2 weeks. When we do have sex she basically just plays the role of the dead fish. When confronted about it she says she's not that concerned with sex, preferring to cuddle because to her it's "more intimate."

Whenever I bring these problems up she acts like I'm crazy. I get excuses such as "We've got our whole life together for that," "I don't want to have sex today (basically everyday)", "I'm sorry that school is important to me."

One other thing is she won't spend the night at my house ever. She says her parents wouldn't like it and that she respects them too much. She also says she doesn't see the point in it. This might not seem like a problem but she used to ALWAYS want to do that kind of thing.

I must say that I have let things go in terms of my own life. I don't keep promises, I don't maintain good grades, dress really well, go out, etc..

I AM HOWEVER CHANGING ALL OF THAT. I'm ready to get back on the horse and get back to where I was. The last couple days I've played it very cool with her trying to make her work for it the way she seems to do to me. She however has only begun to get jealous and shut down. My biggest fear is that she'll find some guy at work or school that she likes and use him for validation, eventually ending up cheating on me or some shit like that. I haven't said anything of the sort but I am myself somewhat insecure. I'm definitely working on this though.

Sorry for the long as post but I wanted to be sure to highlight any areas of importance in order to get an effective answer. I myself am an admittedly good-looking guy and a very strong athlete (I'm a nationally ranked soccer player and have played at the highest levels), so i do have some areas of DHV.

My question is how should I handle the situation from this point on? How should i deal with her being upset, shit-tests, etc.? Thanks ahead of time for the help.

God this brings back memories.

I had a similar issue once (except the sisters,she had none).It was even 3 years for me too.

I was really broken for a while. Literally out of every person I spoke with in that period she was the one that was the most non-responsive. When talking to her she'd always give short ,weird answers and that would be it. Basically if I stopped asking questions the conversation would end. I felt like she would not contact me at all if I didn't.

So basically one day I snapped myself out of it and brought these issues up. She obviously exploded at me saying :"This is me!Stop asking me to change who I am."

Although she was yelling and whatnot I just calmly said:
"Why the fuck are you in this relationship ? Because you act as if you don't even want it. You're trying to push me away because you can't brake it off ? Are you actually that pathetic and weak ?
I'm not asking you to change,you already did that. You already changed in the worst possible way. If you can't even see that then I'm done busting my balls for this relationship.

Now you just look like the girl I fell in love with.You're just wearing her skin.But you are nothing like her.I love her.I don't love you.
That's how much you've changed."

Obviously she mumbled some random stupid shit as I left and went home. 30 minutes later she was at my place with her eyeballs cried out telling me how right I am and how she wants to be that girl again and how sorry she is.

I didn't yell at her at all during that speech but those words packed a serious punch. And I meant every one of them. It's wasn't a strategy , it wasn't a bluff. It was real. I wanted her back , the real her. And if I couldn't have that then I had no reason to settle for the 10% of what she now was.

The idea is that if you want her ,you have to be willing to lose her.And she needs to know that you're willing to lose her.

I mean , you basically lost her already , or rather she lost herself. If you really think about it , you're not actually losing all that much...

It's not always about winning her back. Sometimes it's her turn to win YOU back.

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My in depth texting & dating guide.
There's no such thing as shit-tests.
How to keep a girl.

Such a true statement!

People grow everyday and sometimes it's not together or the way we want but she is what she is and you have to accept her or move on. I'd stop worrying about her and worry about yourself, fix yourself first.

R.C. what ever happened to your relationship with that girl after? How long did she actually try and be better?

It didn't last long.

Long distance was the main issue ,combine that with my lack of interest in befriending her friends group and you got your perfect relationship killer.

But the talk I had with her ensured a great brakeup. No drama , no unanswered questions and no hurt feelings.

All in all,I have no major regrets.

Most importantly , that speech earned her respect and she treated me as such.It's a decision I stand by.

_________________
I know my place. It's me on top of the world.

My in depth texting & dating guide.
There's no such thing as shit-tests.
How to keep a girl.