Both 25 years old. A timeline for background:

June 2011 - January 2012 - Met, dated, monogamous fuck buddies, then girlfriend and boyfriend.
2nd January - Break up 1 - She has a 'spazz out'. After one week we are back together as boyfriend and girlfriend.
10th February - Break up 2 - I initiate no contact for 6 weeks.
17th March - First meet up since break. Have sex.
18th - 27th March - Sleeping together 5 nights a week. I say 'I love you'. She tells me the same 4 days later.
April - We are both away travelling. Find ways to see each other twice and have sex both times.
Now - Got back from a trip and see her for breakfast, a massage and blow jobs (she went on her period the night before). I will see her whenever I am in town (I now live outside and am travelling lots throughout the year).

It doesn't fit with other relationship break downs posted on this forum. Most say the sex dried up or she met someone else, or she was bored, or cheated. Why does this girl break things off if she still wants me in her life? Her attraction is high (we fuck like crazy) and she isn't having sex with anyone else (we are open about all encounters etc) but she doesn't want a relationship.

The other day her friends from her home country called her on SPAM. She introduces me and kisses me in front of them. It caught me off guard. Why do that if we are just fuck buddies? She also asked me to help her redo her room. Again not fuck buddy behaviour.

I want her as my girlfriend yet she doesn't seem to know what she wants. She still can't give me a clear reason for the breakup. She tried for days to write me a letter but she said it just didn't make any sense.

I'm close to giving her an ultimatum a. she is my girlfriend or b. we say goodbye and I cut all contact. However I am not 100% comfortable with applying this kind of pressure. Maybe I'm just scared of cutting her out of my life. It's like whatever weird thing we have now is better than not having her at all. Damm this love sickness.

Don't give her an ultimatum!!

You guys are not in a relationship so this gives you full permission to date other girls at the same time. Start to do this and make her think she will lose you to competition. For whatever reason she doesn't want to be tied down with you. Make her want that instead of forcing the issue with an ultimatum.

You never know you may even meet a better girl

It sounds to me like you two both want the same thing here. If shes introducing you to friends, and asking for your help to redo her room, then it sounds to me like she wants you as her boyfriend but is afraid to come on too strong. Possibly shes taking advice from somewhere on "how to make him your boyfriend, step 1. ask him for help with something in your life because it breaks down the fuckbuddy frame"

Have you been clear with her about what you want, or are you taking PU advice and trying to not come off as too needy?

What you described happend me exactly! The girl got advice from her friend and ended up gaming me too hard! It got to the point where I lost interest. I was maintaing a PU frame too.

When we broke up I told her I wanted her as my girlfriend. We had an hour long phone call a few weeks ago and I told her I wanted to be with her. But she couldn't explain the issues with us going out so I got a little bored. I told her I don't care anymore and have got tired of this 'us talk'. I guess I'm in more of a fuck-it it's my life kind of mood now.

The bedroom decoration and friends thing was very odd. The last two times have just been about fucking. A couple of hours then leave. I wonder whether she has realised that this is not what she wants? She told me if I helped her with the bedroom she would do anything I want with her. That doesn't make sense as I'm already getting sex and nothing is ever out of bounds...

Thinking about it there was another shit test as well. She went on her period the night before. I asked her why she didn't text to tell me. She asked me if I would of cancelled if she had. I kind of blew the question off with a 'maybe' answer.

I just hate all this. Not knowing what we are, being very couply yet not being a couple. Not knowing whether to invite her to social events. Games, push-pull, power games, soft next etc. Shouldn't a relationship be easy? The two of you like spending time with each other so you do that. Both are happy becoming more and more a part of each other's life. I feel like I shouldn't have to play games, analyse the situation, plot etc to have a good lady that I love in my life. I wouldn't want to be having to run relationship game on my future wife. I would want to just be myself.
Yeah I definitely need to start dating other girls. It's odd though I feel very loyal to her, despite not being in a relationship. For the first time other girls don't seem to be attractive to me anymore. Hence my twist or fold approach.

I've got oneinitis but for the girl I'm fucking. This makes no sense!

It may be that she gets the feel that you are a player and she doesn't want to get emotionally hurt, hence just sex but no emotional contact.

It could be b/c she's from a foreign country that she doesn't want to get emotionally attached.

Why isn't this good enough for you?
Are you sure this isn't exactly what you want but the grass is greener on the other side? You're getting sex w/ NSA but you want the commitment and relationship just because that's what you can't have.

Stay cool and roll with it.

Enjoy yourself and let her display what she truly wants. And enjoy getting laid while you're at it.

Bingo. She's got a year left on her Visa (been here for two already). She is definitely going back and when we broke up she said what would happen when she left? She could see us easily staying together for that time and then it would just be harder to say goodbye. I thought this was bringing potential problems in the future into the present. It's a defeatist attitude right? Cowardly...

Another odd one tonight on the phone. She says her friends are taking custody of which city she lives in when she goes back. She said I would like one better because I can surf there when I visit. Strange thing to bring up right?
The sex is obviously great. But it's not a good feeling to want her to spend time with me and my friends, potentially family, but me feeling that this is only a sexual agreement which should remain in the bedroom. It feels a bit odd having sex and not staying the night. I love this girl. It's more than just getting off.

Tonight I asked her to come spend the day with a couple of my closest and oldest friends from back home and surprisingly she really wants to come. Again the head-fuck of not knowing the boundaries. I don't know if this is an insecurity. I think being in love makes us vulnerable and necessarily a little needy. Make sense?
Kind of my thinking right now. I'll be travelling and doing extreme sports all around the world for the rest of the year. It's pretty handy to have a guaranteed fuck whenever I am back home. A relationship would definitely be a restriction.

I'm trying not to put any pressure on but that's tricky when I want to spend time with her. I always tell her forget the relationship stuff, let's just have fun and not worry what it is. However emotions do show up for both of us every now and then.

I'm going through the same thing.

I did the ultimatum thing. My father just died and I needed to put a title on what she and I had. When she couldn't commit before leaving, I took her to the airport and did my thing.

And you should do your thing, too. If you meet another girl, she can never say you didn't give her a chance. Enjoy what you have with her, but just remember you're going to settle down with someone one day who gives 100% to YOU and cares about YOU. Whether that's her or not SHE has to prove.

It's weird. I don't ever call or text her first. She calls or texts me every day. The less I try, the farther I get. Good luck.

_________________
"Let me ask you something. If the rule you followed brought you to this, of what use was the rule?"

Personally, I feel that its important to clear things up early and create expectations so nobody is left guessing "what are we?" It may be awkward, but I share my "rules" with the girl and let her know that I'm not looking for anything serious. If anything, it makes them fight for you more. However, you also stand to lose her, so know what you want before communicating it to her.

Tell her "I think we're moving too fast".

It's so counter-intuitive, but watch her qualify herself to you.

_________________
"Let me ask you something. If the rule you followed brought you to this, of what use was the rule?"

crazy. Same thing happening too me. Except I was in love with my girl, still am so I am trying to deal with the emotions. This situation is a lot tougher to handle because there is emotions involved.

But what everyone is saying is true. Make her prove herself. Don't give a fuck. Don't be needy, just lean back and be a man. Best way to be a man is to go out with your buddies and game other girls. This will make her want you.

The reason they are leaving the relationship open is because they are fearful of something when it becomes exclusive. IT might be getting to close and getting hurt, it might be a Visa thing ( such as in your case ), or it could be she wants to see if she meets anyone else who sweeps her off her feet. The sex is definitely keeping my ex around me for now but that will not last unless I become something she wants all to her self again. remember women want to feel things. You have to make her feel the gamut of emotions that lead up to her wanting to be exclusive with you in the first place. It is hard to do this because now you know her and you have a past, and you will be thinking about all this bullshit and it will take you out of the moment.

I want to be exclusive with her again but I know the only way this is gonna happen is I will have to really step up my game. Make her feel every moment with you when you are together. Do not text or call often if at all. You want to create experiences with her that she will think back to an feel that good feeling you created at that time. Never talk about your pasts. Pretend you are just meeting her and dating and you don't give a fuck what happens.

If you create enough enjoyable experiences with her again, and they can't all be sexual ones, then she will fall back in love with you, and not want anyone else.

Move on (emotionally).

You can still see her while you're looking further.

You're in a PUA forum, so most advice is going to be about "getting pussy". Many dudes ONLY care about getting pussy.

To me, you sound like you're interested in having a meaningful relationship and it doesn't sound like this is the girl you'll have it with. The ONLY way it's going to happen is if SHE decides she WANTS to have a meaningful relationship with you. It doesn't sound like she does. It sounds like, she only wants sex from you and if you're not OK with that, then that's for you to decide.

I been there bro.

I've even had some of the very same hos that were obviously only using *me* for sex say "I feel like you only want sex from me"... I was thinking.. "really?! ha!"

With more experience we learn to ignore more stuff from the women and that we must lay foundations from the start of our relationships with women of how it's going to be. At this point, she's made it clear that, just based on the short things I read, that she's heading out of the country after her VISA is up, she wants to fuck you (that's good, you must be decent in bed, so be happy) but she wants it when SHE wants to... on her terms, not yours. You don't need ultimatums. You alter your behavior accordingly.

Go see some new women. You will find some you like better. Believe me. I didn't think I would after 3 exes ago, but since, I have dated some GREAT women! Nice, pretty, thoughtful, you name it.

Make a list of top 5 women, and keep the one with the highest potential at the top for "Exposure Time".

This girl needs to be dropped down on your priority list and she needs to decide for herself if she wants to be a bigger part of your life.

Skip the ultimatums, they'll destroy any power you have left with this girl. Just always keep her coming to you. 2:1 ratio stuff. etc.

Take some trips. I just left the country for a week with no cell phone/internet access. It was awesome. NOBODY could contact me, it was amazing.

Honestly.. it sounds like, you are probably good in bed, so she likes that, but she's not getting something else from you.. she probably has some guy friend who provides her emotional needs the way she wants them or some real "boyfriend" with money making (provider) potential or something she's waiting to see how that pans out.. that means, you're an "option".

If you go ultimatum style, don't ask her anything.. fuck her, then kiss her passionately, look her in the eyes while you're holding her and say (command), "Be my girlfriend". NEVER ASK SHIT. YOU TELL WOMEN WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN and she either ACCEPTS or REJECTS this frame.

If she says something negative, "you're a really nice guy, blah blah blah"..
say, "huh? what did you say? I was staring at your tits. {ignoring} OK, so then you're my girlfriend"
if she laughs and says "ok, then she's your girlfriend".
if she gets an attitude, say, "What's with this attitude? I just made you my girlfriend and now already I'm going to have to dump you?"

Bottomline, have fun with it, you only live once.

Maybe she doesn't believe in "relationships". Maybe she believes in "dating" and "marriage" and if you asked her to marry she would but doesn't care about "girlfriend/boyfriend". Personally, if this girl is THAT AWESOME, that you WANT TO SPEND THE REST OF YOUR LIFE WITH HER, then, knock her up with a baby, and marry that ass.. otherwise, continue dating and bang her when she calls you. She'll wonder why you're not calling her all the time and it's because you're dating new women.

If she complains, tell her, she either gets serious or you're going to continue dating.