Alright so here's my situation:

I'm not all that experienced dating. I've had a bunch of flings but have never really been with a girl for that long. Anyways I've been "dating" a girl for about 7 months. We go on dates, I spend the night, she spends the night, we have sex obviously, we hold hands in public. We see each other 2-3 times per week.

Anyways, there is no label on the relationship so I'm really confused about the situation. It's kind of getting to me to the point that I feel jealous and angry sometimes, and my feelings are getting hurt a bit.
Carlos Xuma Dating Black Book said that the girl is the one that should bring up the label conversation. She hasn't brought it up.

When I'm with her, she's very secretive about her phone. It's always face down, and she gets a lot of texts at all times of the night, and calls too. She never answers calls in front of me, and rarely mentions who they are. When she does, she says its a guy she went on a date in the past who hasn't gotten the message she isn't interested. The other day when I was "hanging" with her she got a text from a guy that she says she "dated" before me. She is also "friends" with another guy she used to hookup with and speaks with him on a regular basis. In fact her friends are mostly guys that she has "dated". Her best friend cheats on her boyfriend.

On her phone, the background is a pic of her and I. She's brought up future plans (taking a trip together etc).

A couple times in the past week, she has said that she just found out she had the night off and has sent me a text last minute asking me to come over. I don't know how I feel about this.

I don't really understand what the relationship status is? What should I do? I do like her, but I don't like being played and I don't like being confused.

Take a step back and remain calm and collected.

DO NOT bring up the "what are we" yourself. She should definitely be the one to do it, and she should be wondering how much you like her etc. Make sure you're leading and in control, because the minute you start to talk about feelings and chase her too much is when she will pack her bags and leave.

I'm far from being a PUA, but a far more experienced one than me on these forums said "The minute you think 'I don't need to play games with this chick, I can be honest etc' is the moment when you FUCK IT UP"

Those are wise words my friend, I learned the hard way, you don't have to.

It's so hard not to bring it up when you have feelings and the lack of clarity on the relationship can make you insecure, but trust me! Stay strong and stick to your guns, don't get jealous and maybe put the brakes on a little. Do not get beta and needy.

What he said but I'd also take it a step further and tell you to go out and start gaming girls, get some numbers and you in return do what shes doing once she notices shes not your only option she will either bring it up and question your relationship or she won't care which tells you that she has more options and you should have more too

I just wanna point it out that is not 100% true.

You can and should be honest. What you need to do is not be STUPID about it. You don't have to play games , you just have to be smart.



Constantly playing games is an extreme. Putting her on a pedestal the polar opposite , the other extreme. Only way a relationship will work out great is if you're smart enough to walk the midline.

You fuck it up once you label yourself.

Be honest but also be firm in your resolve. Game her every now and then. DO whatever the fuck you like just don't become a slave or a emotionally unavailable prick. Slaves tend to be more common though.Regardless,both things WILL push her away.

Extremes are never good.


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Ok now , on topic.


This shadiness about phones and stuff while not healthy is not always about hiding something.Obviously there's a chance she is,but there are also people that have had bad past experiences and control-freak exes.

For example , one of my best friends was in a almost 4 year relationship with a control freak. She would literally go berserk if he would text or called ANYONE , man or women , when with her. A weird jealousy rampage of sorts.

In any case , in his current relationship he has an inherited tendency to be secretive and evasive about this subject so as to not put someone on another rampage. It's somewhat of an irrational habit acquired through unpleasant past experiences.He's not really doing it on purpose , he just tends to avoid it.


And as always,the best solution to these kind of problems , in my opinion , is communication.

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Alright so a few of the replies said "step back". Does this mean I should not really be texting her? She initiates texts with me 99% of the time.

I think I'm going to try to make a few "friends" of my own.

What should I do about Valentines Day? Buy her a gift? Take her out?