Hi this is going to be quite long but i want to explain where iv'e got to, I live in Spain, I really like my Spanish teacher who has just turned 43(very good looking), I'm 32,she's been divorced for about 3 yrs, her husband went off with a younger women. Me and my girlfriend have been having private lessons with her for about 4 years, in April my gf stopped having lessons and I carried on alone(my idea),after a few months I told my teacher I liked her and I'm going to split up with my gf, but she said she is not interested and that she has had a student like her before and that the reason is probably because she is my teacher and that I'm probably confused and my gf is her friend also. I told her I'm not confused.

I continued with the lessons and never split from my gf, in Oct my gf found someone else and left me(done me a favour lol) my teacher knows all about it as we talk about everything, our lesson together is very informal.

Just before we split my teacher started coming running with me , so we were seeing each other twice a week.

she asked me if someone had said yes to me what would I have done? She was obviously talking about her as there was no-one else?
I said i would have left my gf, been single for a while and would have seen what would have happened.(I thought that was a good answer) My friend thinks she was asking to see if i would have done the same as her ex and cheated.

Also she has said when someone shows interest in her, she wonders what they are after!

In November I txed her to come out for a drink, we went out and had a good night, she was all done up looking fine, but I think she shit tested me, she said when she visited England when she was 14 I would have only been 4, I didn't know what to say and didn't say anything? i dropped her home asked her if shed had fun and she said yes.

We still continued having a lesson and running but I have tried to get her to come out twice since but she has had plans like seeing family and writes me a long explanation why she cant(it must be a good sign to write a long explanation, right?), she has since started going out with work friends on a Friday, she has a 14yr old daughter who has alternate weekends with her ex.

my teacher has also said she never wants to go through what she went through when she broke up with her ex, she really struggled through it. Maybe she thinks it wouldn't work with a younger man, also my Spanish isn't great so communication isn't as smooth as with a native.

Once when we were talking about another girl that has become obsessed with me, that I'm not interested in.(maybe I tell her too much, but I thought it was good to show other girls are interested in me) She said she doesn't know what she wants but she knows what she doesn't want. I wish I had asked her what she meant, like what doesn't she want lol.

A friend has said I have become too available and tell her too much and put her off and that she prob sees me as a a little boy telling her that girls like me and when I go out(i started going out alot) and maybe showing a bit of immaturity and not someone ready for a serious relationship. over xmas I went back to the UK and thought the 3 week break from her will do me good, the second day after arriving she messaged me on fb asking how it was going, I left it a day before replying and kept it short and ended the conversation(I thought it is good for me to end them) she also saw me on-line around 5 days later and msg me, again I kept it a fairly short conversation and ended it.

I guess I'm trying to show her I'm not always available and have a life.

I'm now back and have had a lesson, she asked me if I saw an old ex that is also after me, I told her I meet her but I'm only interested in being friends with her. She knows my ex likes me but she also knows that I told my ex a while ago that I only want to be friends with her.


Other older women like me, she seems to be immune to my charm lol

Well I'm lost in what to do now, I don't know weather just to tell her that I really like her in the next lesson?

Sorry for going on, I would really appreciate any help you can give me on my next move.

I don't get this. First off , never ,EVER say to a women ("I'll leave my girlfriend for you"). Do you understand how needy and desperate that makes you sound ? You're not paying them a compliment , you're demonstrating low value.

Secondly. Do you want a serious relationship with this woman or just sex ? Because if you do want a relationship...think it through. She might look good , now , yeah , but she's 43 and you're what ? 32 ? Do everyone a solid favor and get urself a solid 28 year old . It's gonna be better;for everyone.

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Thanks for your advice, your probably right, the fact that I really like Spanish girls but don't know enough Spanish to meet new girls is probably a big part.

Update:

Okay so on Monday I had my lesson with her, after I messaged her saying I want to talk to her out of class and to meet me for a coffee, she accepted and we met on Thursday.

I gave her a rose, (that she liked) and I said this to her in spanish, which basically translates to.


I think you are beautiful, enchanting with a sensational personality.

A lady in every sense of the word

The truth is i like you alot and would like to take you out on the 14th feb.

I don't want to make it a formal dinner but I would like to spend this day with you.

She seemed to melt a bit, she didn't know what to say, she seemed unsure, but she said she doesn't feel the the same, she doesn't know.

I said ok fine but I say what I feel.

She said I give you value for telling me this face to face alot of people wouldn't. I said you said you think I'm timid, she said yes before but not any more, i said it is probably my lack of Spanish that makes me seem this way as I cant interact and express my personality.

We spent around 2 hrs talking about other stuff, we said goodbye and we will see each other for my lesson with her Monday.

The following morning she sent me a message thanking me for the rose.

I asked her if it's the age difference that is the reason, or something else.

She said the age is one thing but also she does not have the feelings needed for a relationship.

I know she has been really hurt and I don't know if she believes in love any more or wants to be with anybody.

I think she might see me in a different light now after what i said and i really do like her, i would like to try to build attraction, but now I'm am not exclusively into her and will be taking and making other opportunities.

I felt good in myself to say what i did in public face to face.

Hey,

What i would do at this point. Is do the opposite, you told her how you feel, and what you want.

Now you must show her that you are not needy, and willing to risk losing her. By actually risk losing her.

Tune back your communication, tune back the info you are giving her about yourself (you're not here to be her friend). Ignore her for a bit. Give her the feeling of missing you, this might flip a switch in her head.

Else, i think you should cut your losses and go for that 28yo

cheers

Thanks for the advice, our lesson is very informal, we basically just talk about anything and everything and she corrects my mistakes. She always asks me how my triathlon training is going and how was my weekend,did I go out ect. I guess I could try and get my spanish book out and draw the conversations into other things and not my life.

I could also cut communication in the week.

Any more advice would be great, unfortunately she already knows my plans this weekend lol.