Basically I have been dishonest, beta and a bit of a headfuck with this girl. Dishonest with myself too, but that is an incredibly lengthy tale.

I just had her over, we discussed everything, I opened up to her and we had a huge discussion where I was almost painfully honest about how I am, how I act, how I feel etc. I figured honesty would be the best policy instead of gaming my girlfriend. It seemed to work, she was affectionate, thanked me for my honesty and how difficult it was to lay myself open and be vulnerable to her, we also kissed goodnight.

She says she doesn't really know what she wants but said she doesn't think I could handle a friendship with her (she's right.)

She is going away with her family for the weekend, and she will think about everything and then talk to me on sunday. In the mean time, I don't really know how to interpret this? I want to think its all gravy, but that would be naive and a part of me wants to think it's all gone tits up and it's going to be over.

Obviously I know I need to just leave it and give her the space she needs. But it's difficult to fight the urge and the desire to influence it in my favour.

Here is a giant red flag your about to fuck this up!

1. You start thinking "I don't want to play games with her anymore. why cant I just let her know how I feel!

2. "She is different I don't need to play games with her"

3. " I think I love her, we are past all that"
Just don't do it!

Go out take your mind off it, give her a chance to miss YOU!

Let her wonder what the fuck your up to!

She should be wondering how much you like HER! Not the other way around.

She should be wondering "Is he seeing other girls?"

The more time she sits around wondering what YOU are doing...the more she tries to convince herself how much she cares about YOU!

Once you spill your guts....the mystery is gone.

It's kind of like...ummm....ok Christmas,,,you are 8 years old you have been waiting and waiting, to open that one package, you save it for the last one...you KNOW it's Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles... finely you open it....underwear and socks... you politely thank mom & dad, go in your room and curse the fat bastard Santa!

Then go take your DVD player apart, just to what's inside.

Have a buddy kick you in the nuts just because it's funny...hurts like fuck though.

Takes 3 shots of horrible Scotch, the look in the mirror, and scream, because I'm a MAN, that's why!

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They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

I normally agree with Heywood. But not in this instance.

You already came clean that you've been dishonest and all that shit. If I were you, I'd focus on the fact that you no longer have to play games, be dishonest, and all that other shit. You can now just be yourself, and if it doesn't work out, fuck it.

I know if you're hung up on the chick it feels like you fucked it all up and life will never be the same, but that's just fear talking and there are tons of posts here to prove it. Regardless of what she decides, life will go on. It's up to you to make it pretty fucking good either way.

She came back, and I saw her yesterday, she gave me a big kiss and stuff and it kinda seemed ok. Then later on she was like "I thought we were going to talk about things, you've just gone back to the way things were..." so I said okay lets talk and I get the whole "I don't know what I want blah blah" and I said "Look, I know what that means, be honest with me" and she says "No its not that, I really don't know, can we talk about this another time?" So I said okay and then went for a drink with some mates.

I saw her in the same bar and she seemed a bit cold and was talking to a lot of guys in front of me. So I went over and said "Hey, I'm going back to the flat, have a good christmas" and then went home away from it.

I haven't spoken to her since, nor do I intend to. I think I will hear from her again, but as far as I am concerned, I am going to try and move on since I don't want this shit and endless confusion. You choose me or you lose me, I am done chasing her.

Oh, I am tempted to remove her from facebook. I hid her updates, but I find myself checking her page. But I don't want her to see that I have blocked her or whatever and it seem petty and stuff. I guess I need more discipline.

Any tips on how to keep up the no contact?

I celebrated Christmas with the family today and they all asked me "How's things with [girl]?" and it made me feel utterly miserable. I had left my phone at my own flat so as to fight the urge and I still haven't given in yet.

I am thinking of putting a poster on my wall saying "DO NOT CONTACT [HER NAME]" or is that stupid?

What helped me more than anything when I was last in a situation similar to yours is let myself do the things you want to. For instance, check out her facebook page. And then right in the middle of it, stop and think for a second, what good is this doing ME? You'll soon realize that stuff doesn't help you get over it and move on, and there is no doubt you don't want to be hung up forever, so you just move on by choice. You'll still have weak moments, but try to stay away from calling or texting in lieu of other things she can't see.

I wouldn't base the decision to block her or not block her on facebook on how she would react to it. Make that decision for you man. Do you want to block her, or not. Your call, your choice, made for your interests.

And if you do block her, and she sends a shitty text or asks what's up, be straight. Tell her you needed to get over her and thought that would help you, so you did it. Nothing wrong with that.

Yeah, thats good advice and you're right. However she told me we would talk after Christmas, so I will probably hold off blocking her until after that discussion, whatever the nature of that discussion may be.

Just let HER come to YOU!

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They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

What you're doing is worrying about her frame. Will she be accepting of me? Will she still be mad at me?

Let me tell you something. Fuck her frame. Whether she calls you first or you call her, you act as though nothing is wrong and you two are good to go. Then if she starts to re-live the negative shit, just kind of cut her off and be like "That's what I thought too, I'll talk to you later." Then hang up.

What women want is to make you sit there and listen how much of a fucking asshole they think you are so they can dump all of their emotional baggage on you. When you cut them off, you deprive them of that opportunity. Besides, if she is ultimately going to tell you to piss off, then just beat her to the chase. Don't give her the satisfaction. But I guarantee you that she'll start calling you back asking why you are being like that and trying to seek your validation of her feelings. What you are doing is rejecting her frame and supplanting it with your own. Trust me, this works. Women are inherently weak and when you shut down their frame and replace it with a more powerful one, they will fall right in line.

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“Nothing is impossible, the word itself says 'I'm possible'!” ~Audrey Hepburn

It was acting like we were good to go that seemed to cause this problem in the first place.

To make matters worse I just now had a moment of weakness and I called her, no answer thankfully but I left a voicemail saying "Hey, hope you had a good christmas, contact me if you want to have that talk, thanks" but my voice sounded a bit wavery.

Fucking hell, I was doing good as well. Never mind.

Now in a phase of no contact, she had cried when I told her that if she doesn't see things working between us then its all gone, no friendship, nothing.

I don't want to relieve her of any guilt, I don't want to give her the pleasure of saying "Oh its ok, we can just be friends" and then torture myself. I feel like I am taking control of the situation for the first time.

She texted me last night after two days of NC saying she wants to drop a shirt off round mine. I just deleted the text, I don't want that shirt back.