| i've been dating my gf for about 2 years. we moved to a different state to start our jobs after we finished school. we lived together for a year. recently, i moved in with her sister and she moved closer to work to avoid a lengthy commute.
long story short, 2 weekends ago, she went and partied with some of her college friends. she was a little hung over the next day and acted not as affectionate as she usually does. i had a feeling her exbf was there.
so, i read her texts. she has been texting him here and there. they broke up on bad terms about a few months before i started dating her 2 years ago.
nothing too crazy, only things that caught me off guard was that she called him "big boy" once, referred to him by his first name once, and gave him her address. he lives about 6 hours away but his family is local and he was in town this weekend. he said thanks for taking care of me as one of the last few texts. he supposedly has a gf. i don't think they did anything physical but i think she was afraid to tell me he was here because we fought in the past about him. she knows i do not like him or her talking to him.
i asked her about that weekend. she tells me how it went, tells me who was there, but leaves out his name. i specifically ask her if he was there and she finally said yes, he was. we argued. i asked if they have been texting him and she said no. i cave him and tell her that i forgive her. at the end of that fight that day, she flashes me her phone as if to show me there were no texts from him. i saw his number and didn't bring it up. later that night, i woke up in the middle of the night thinking about the things they texted so i text her back saying she lied to me and that i can't trust her. those were his text messages. she denies it and says that was a girlfriend of hers. We don't talk for a week and we finally meet in person again. She still denies those texts were from him and refuses to call that number. I asked her very specific questions that i knew the answers to but she continued to deny. she apologize and says that she knows im mad because i had to ask her if he was there, instead of her telling me up front. she still denies everything else.
i hugged her and told her i wanted to get past this. we spent the last weekend together and i just blocked out all her lies and tried to forget. before she left for home, we talked about whats next. her response was that she loves me but knows that i don't trust her and that she is afraid i will take randomly reject her apology again and get mad at her. we discussed. i said i didn't have any problems with her hanging out with her friends, only her ex. i told her that's the only issue. we talked some more. i walked her to her car and she said she wants to date but not be bf/gf. i said i can't do that and told her to leave. she left and in the middle of the night, she texts me that she misses me. i did not responded (its been about a week).
questions:
1) i think she wants me to feel the pain i made her feel when i told her we are breaking up right after our 1st fight 2 weeks ago, which is why she wants to just date right now, instead of being bf/gf. she is stubborn and plays games like this all the time. what do you think?
2) i love her. im trying to forgive and forget. im her sister's my room mate (we're a quarter of the way into our year long lease). i love her family and i thought i was going to marry her. she's not perfect but i'm not either. feedback?
3) any general feedback would be nice. i just need some direction right now. i keep flip flopping between trying to win her back or not. should i cold turkey and ignore her completely even though she will be here to visit her sister every weekend or so? i dont want things to end on bad terms out of respect for her family that i'm very close with.
4) i haven't been the best bf. i've been focused on my career and neglecting her. the last few months, we've kind of grown apart. i saw myself losing interest in her and i think she felt the same, we just didnt want to say it. perhaps we were avoiding something that we both wanted, that is to break up.
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