Listen buddy, dont take this the wrong way but youre right, this is dead in the water now.

Look at how much youre over thinking everything. The ideal way to handle this situation to give the best possible chance of her doing a 180 and coming back is to ignore her to the max. I mean cut her out and ignore the shit out of her. No contact at all. No clicking on her shit, in fact just stay the hell away from facebook or any of that shit for a month or so. Delete her number. But all the shit that reminds you of her in a carrier bag and put it under your bed. Ive done this three times now and love check on the bag when im with some one new, read through the valentines day cards and all that shit and realise that it makes me happy and represents progress rather that it tearing me to pieces.

You shouldnt be shopping with her. You shouldnt be bike riding with her. You shouldnt be speaking to her at all and you sure as hell shouldnt be picking her up and whizzing her about for lunch. Are you kidding me? Dude, this sucks right now. I broke up with my gf a few days ago because I felt i wanted to improve as a person. Its hard as hell but you have to give yourself a chance. You cant get over this by remaining in contact with her, its impossible. Its like trying to quit being an alcoholic but still drinking every day.

You have to cut her out. Ironically this is not just best for you but it also represents the best chance of her coming back. All she wants from you now is gay guy/girlfriend bullshit lunch dates and shopping trips whilst she shops for a guy that will treat her significantly worse than you. This sucks pal and i do not doubt it, but if you are so determined to have her back do NOT text her, do not speak to her.

The things you ARE doing right is woring out staying fit etc etc. Thats brilliant and the fact you arent just moping aout suggests you already have the mental fortitude to get all the way over her and move on. She doesnt want to be with you, she just doesnt want to be made to feel like she made a mistake. If you ignore her and do not give a shit about, meeting new girls in the process and generally improving yourself, THIS is making her feel like she made a mistake.

However talking to her, shopping with her and buying a brazil t shirt, which she even had to point out herself was a poor move!) IS making her feel like she made the right decision because it communicates to her that you dont have the self esteem and pride to move on and not let some one mess you about.

A break up is one big test of character and you can either go out with a bang of no contact and leave her day dreaming about what youre up to for the rest of her life, or you can fade out with a wimper to become one of her beta orbiters.

The choice is yours, good luck pal I know this is hard

_________________
Have faith in yourself, and just fucking do it. If you're nervous about this beautiful woman you see, GOOD! So feel the fear and do it anyway. Life is all about 'just doing it'.

My football (soccer) blog http://433balfourroad.wordpress.com/

Completely agree with all of this, I wish I'd heard it 2 months ago.

Great post Feyenoord.

Update with my ex.

After a 3 1/2 week hiatus, she texted me today. What she texted me kind of through me for a loop.

Ex-Hey I should have told you this sooner but I'm seeing a girl. I'm sorry it took so long to tell you I just didn't know how.

Me-I understand. Your feministic views and general distaste and lack of respect for men is telling. Wish you the best of luck.

Her-I don't won't you to blame yourself cause it's not something you did. I can't help how I feel. I'm not full on lesbo though, I'm still attracted to guys and our sex is always amazing.

Me-I'm flattered but I'll pass.

Her-(angry face emoticon)

I ignored her after that. I have to say knowing she's a lesbian is very unattractive. 5 years down the drain.

Well I don't know what to think about her new lesbian self honestly. I've suspected she was a closet lesbian for a while now especially in the last 3-4 months because now all her friends are gay or bi. Still weird knowing this. Makes it much easier to move on.

Oh well figured I'd share the info fellas. Can't say I'm surprised but can't say I saw it coming either lol.

man... If I heard that I would have been like omg threesome? lolz

a while ago when i found out my ex was seeing a girl I was initially turned on by the thought. then I saw the girl she was dating and told her.
"why do you even bother? she's practically a man" lolz

update with my status
nothing that interesting more of an outlet for myself.
hope you guys don't mind

pretty sure my ex can't post on my fb but she's able to comment on my wall photos.

so she just did that today, I would assume it's not coincidental that I just got tagged with another girl at the clubs.

still unsure if I wanna go there again.. I mean sex was amazing but... need to bang a new chick first

In a similar situation to you guys except I work with my ex every friday.

Last week I paid no attention to her, I wasnt rude just didnt really notice her. During work on Friday she saw a mutal friend outside work and went over and said 'hey you, ive met someone else, anyway got to go'. She knows this friend of ours was going to tell me. Then this week she started randomly liking my stuff on Facebook after pretty much ignoring me for weeks.

Ive started dating other women, doing yoga, changed my workout routine, meeting loads of new people, reconecting with old friends, started knifemaking again and generally being better than I was.

No contact (not exactly possible in my situation) is definatly the way to go. Un-subscribe to her on facebook, delete her number. When you do see them just be friendly but busy. I feel so much better about it all than I did three weeks ago. Seeing her acting like a jealous teenager and doing things that she doent actually enjoy just make me laugh.

A bit of advice from a guy who has had to get over a long term relationship before:

Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr and any other Social Networking sites that your ex uses should be no-fly zones.

If you stalk your ex's social network, you are 99.99% likely to see something that upsets you, angers you or makes you feel jealous (all things that are going to shift you into beta overdrive) and are 0.0000001% likely to see something that makes you feel better about the situation.

Do not make things harder for yourself. Avoid her Twitter, block her Facebook posts. Hell, even modify your router settings so that you literally can't access any of her shit.

Do this, and you're a big step closer to getting over her and getting on with your life.

she's not even on my friend's list, don't get how she could comment on one of my photos

Bit of an update:

So it's been a month since we split. I took on board everything you all said and dialed back all contact with my ex. I didn't go out with her or meet up with her (except for one time when one our our mutual friends set us up by inviting us both out without telling us). I didn't call her and only replied to the odd text she sent me everynow and then, but always leaving it a good 6-24 hours before I did.

I've been out lots, met some new people, made new friends and I'm in the best physical condition of my life. I stopped looking at her FB page, I put all the stuff that reminded me of her in a bag a put it in the loft.

Then, this weekend she started texting me again. She went to a festival at the weekend and texted me a couple of times, including ar 2.30am telling me she had a great time and was home safe (I didn't ask her). Then again today she texted me a couple of times. Asking me if I was ignoring her and saying she is glad I am happy now...

I replied but was non commital and just said a little bit about the show I went to see last night and the party I was invited to at the weekend. And left it at that.

She replied ":( You're confusing"

I didn't text back, then half an hour later she called me.

She really wanted to know if I was happy and how I am feeling, she had a bit of a break down and was a bit tearful and told me in no uncertain terms she misses me. I told her I missed her too, but that it was obvious she needed time. She then told me she had been thinking about past times between us (all good things; our first kiss, the first time we said I love you after we'd had sex etc) She asked me to call her tomorrow after work and then we said goodnight.

Later she texted me "xxx"

Now I really don't want to be overthinking this, but its been the 'magic' 4 weeks since we split and this is surely the window of opportunity right? Should I be suggesting we go out now? I really don't wanna be going back to square one with this. Should I leave it some more time before seeing her again?