So not sure what to make of this but I broke up with my gf less than two weeks ago because she was not putting in effort into the relationship. Granted she was very busy with work and exams, but it still didn't excuse her behavior. also what didn't help is that I became too accommodating of her behavior so she became even worse and the balance disappeared. Even talking about it wouldn't help, so a couple of weeks ago I suggested we take a break since she's trying to prepare for her exams etc anyways.

Well none of my friends nor I expected me to hear from her because she's got a lot of pride and acted like taking a break was totally fine.

Then out of the blue she texts me yesterday to see how I am doing and ask about my weekend. I responded by saying what a great weekend i had (to make her realize I have a life without her and maybe make her think I'm moving on).

I do want to be with her but not the way we were recently where I put in all the effort.

Just don't know what I will do when she wants to meet up or talk about it because I think a certain amount of time needs to pass before we can do a reset on this relationship

These types of situations are always interesting. But personally, I'd just wait it out and hang out with other chicks. It's not like you have to put the moves on them or anything if you plan on getting back with her. You simply have to keep your value and satisfaction as a confident male up where it needs to be. Keep in mind she may not end up wanting to get back together after all. But yeah, just keep on keepin' on with your life and if/when she sends that telltale "let's get coffee" text or whatever, you'll be in a spot where you know what you want to do. That could be 1) telling her that you're too busy to meet up or 2) that you'd love to meet up with her or 3) whatever else you may feel at the time.

I know that's not a definitive answer, but this is a choice you have to make for yourself. It's not a black and white problem. There isn't a perfect solution here, just try to be objective.

Yeah thanks dude. That's what I have been doing and yes dating other chicks has definitely given me perspective both on what a chump I was with her towards the end of the last 1-2 months and how much she exploited it. Now I know that I'm not letting some chick play me out or at l least i'm watching for it, so don't want to repeat the same mistake.

as far as how i play this situation out, well I do want to be with her, possibly for the long term, but how I get back with her is gonna be super tricky. I may need to play hard to get for a while because if i get back too quickly she will take back control or lose all respect for me again. So I guess i just play the I"m having a great time and life is great card and she sees I'm not obsessed with her and her attraction goes back up and she chases me a bit. Or say i meet another amazing chick and it's this one's loss. I don't know, but i can say that i feel much more optimistic of a decent outcome for me than before where i was mr pushover to this girl

Hey man, I understand how you feel. I was definitely like this with my first gf. Looking back at the situation, I was definitely a pushover and the more accommodating one. It's been 2 years since the break up and I can tell you all the things I did wrong. Relationships are a work in progress between two people and both parties should be putting in the same amount of work. When the guy or girl starts to value it more than the other, that's when you start running into trouble. It sounds like you did the right by breaking things off with her first. Always remember that you deserve someone who truly values and appreciates who you are as a person. You can't compromise on that.

-Risen

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It's much easier to fix than you think. If you're on a break only because your relationship is imbalanced and she is showing lackluster interest, you only need to step your game up and bring back the things that attracted her to you in the first place. That means...

(1) Talk to other chicks. Competitive anxiety is the corner stone of secksual tension in a relationship. A girl must feel that she needs to WORK to keep her boyfriend away from other women, otherwise, she has no reason to put effort into the relationship.

(2) Make a visible change. Usually I recommend to begin working out, or working far more intensely. It makes you look better, feel better, and act in a more confident manner. She begins to wonder WHY you're working out so hard or what's motivating you, which is exactly the type of shit that drives a girl to be more interested in you. Appeal to her curiosity, she needs to wonder about you, even in the smallest ways.

(3) Be LESS available. Easiest way to bring back interest in a relationship. Just cut off contact or minimize it.

If you're on a break and she's totally cool about it, you're not in a very good position. Dread and anxiety give birth to passion and love. She must be WORRIED that she will lose you or that you are LOSING interest. You can't make it seem like you're just WAITING on the sidelines for her to finish with exams. Which, btw, is just a marker for low interest. Occam's razor, always simplify your understanding of women. Ignore all her "reasons" for showing less interest in you. If she shows less interest, it means she has less interest. End of story.

And never let yourself be "less" busy than your girlfriend. It doesn't matter if she has exams and you're busy catching bugs for a collection; as long as you're busy doing SOMETHING and not dependent on her schedule. It communicates lower value if you are the one patiently waiting.

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These two were such an eye opener for me. But what if its just bad timing & needs a break but she still wants to go out in the future? Good post

Hey. About backing off completely, im only doing it as a bluff if i still care about her. But what if shes confident and if she sees that you dont need her anymore she ll pack her bags completely and leave for good? And not ever give you a second thought?

Thats whats happening to me SPAM. I like this girl, i was always more needy than her in the relationship (not too needy, just asking for appreciation and affection because i am admittedly NOT confident to you guys but i didnt tell her that) but i broke up with her because she was being too passive in the relationship upto the point where it seemed like she didnt care at all. So now im backed off, she only gets a few texts a day from me, i never text her first or anything..Which is different from how i treated her in the relationship.
Do i need to freeze her out MORE for this worrying effect to work? Those are my questions about this too. See i dont think she is worried enough. And this "break" isnt phasing her much. So if anyone wants to do a continuation on this topic on what to do, please do so

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Romaniac

By the sounds of it she still thinks you'll come back whenever she clicks her fingers, you'll be surprised how quickly her attitude will change if she see's you with anoher chick

I also ignore literally every second text she sends me for a good eight hours or so. And i am showing that i am preselected amongst other women and putting up touchy pics on FB with other babes etc but nothing seems to be working. She seems too confident. My goal is to get her to be crawling back to me

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Romaniac