So this is from my field reports journal post...

So I guess I'm back in the game...

Turns out one of those girls I mentioned wasn't really all that cool with it and I thought she was awesome so I stopped hooking up with the other girl because I had fallen in love and everything was going really great or so I thought...

I'd been seeing this girl for about 6 months or so and I fell in love but she didn't feel the same way.
Part of the reason was that she made more money than me and she told me that she couldn't see herself having a future with me in the long term because she wants
to have kids one day and doesn't want have to worry about having enough money to raise them.
I work two jobs and one of them wasn't going so well, in fact I lost the job that was paying more just recently.

Although I really can respect her for being direct and honest as she was, the timing she chose was brutal because she dumped me a couple of weeks after
I lost my main job and a week before my birthday and I really didn't take it well.

I sent her a few drunken messages calling her a gold-digger and said a few other less than classy things about her. Basically I turned into an ASSHOLE and
I really do regret that now.

She completely blocked me on facebook which stung more than I thought it would, we have about 20 mutual friends on fb by the way so she's not completely
invisible to me and also she is a member at the gym where I work part-time as my second job. That's how we met. She also started training last week with
one of my friends there, one of the other PT's. He's one of my few actual friends there and he's also shown a lot of respect towards me so I don't think I
have anything to worry about but I can't help but feel jealous and a little insecure about that. Should I be direct and tell him that's how I feel?

Blocking me on facebook also hurt me quite a bit because thanks to everyone having facebook on their phones these days we pretty much constantly messaging
each other, we have about 4000 messages to each other in my facebook inbox. I actually think she must have had some kind of feelings for me because just a
couple of weeks before she dumped me she was messaging stuff like this to me:

>> "Not everything that's fun to me involves anything to do w sex.
I always thought that u r able to calm me when I'm feeling stressed, like a protective thing.
I used to always feel my problems disappear temporarily when we're together.
Just spending time alone w u is fun -
For me anyway"