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Set the rules and boundaries and stick by them.
great post, but I don't agree with this statement at all. When you create walls and boundaries you encourage people to test them. If you want to constantly be laying down the law and think you can handle it without ever going to far or over stepping than sure.
Personally I believe in setting precidents and then relying on trust. Yes everyone lies and everyone betrays - that is to be expected. But I would much rather sleep at night with a sense of trust I know might some day be tested, and be prepared for that test, than to constantly evaluate every current situation and trying to balance on that very sharp line.
IMO it breads a healthier bond than constantly trying to maintian "control".
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Sometimes you disagree, you argue, you say no, to display that your not a wuss
Where's the boundry with fighting however?
Sometimes I'll get angry at my gf and say things to her, she never argues back however, and then after a short while she'll start crying, coming to me about what I said. I then apologize and confort her telling it it wasn't meant that way.
The minute you "fight" or start fighting you've already lost. You've shown that you are not capable of controlling yourself and it displays to her that you are careless with her feelings.
The fact that she is comming to you and you are changing your story is also bad. Better to have not said it in the first place, but worse to squirm out of it and say you're sorry. In those situations it's better to stay completely calm and just ask "what did you think i meant by that?". Let them explain and if it's not what you meant just say "What I meant by that was ___."
If you meant something that she finds hurtful, just press to find out WHY it was hurtful. If you keep digging into it, usually you get to the fact that it was her issue. If however it boils down to you being a total dick. than and only then is an appology warranted. Keep it simple "I admit that was harsh. I appologize" never use the word "sorry". Sorry means you knew it was wrong when you did it.
CHAT