Just a remark on this; Yes. I would. I was asking for similar experiences where you see the person you are in a relationship with start down what seems like a destructive path, and in that you find yourself less attracted since you expected better from them, or at least that they learn as time passes. I was basically asking for advice from people who've been in similar situations in how this affects attraction on the long-term, and whether or not it's a wise decision to stay.



Her real dad loves me, and so does her mother and the rest of her family. They where thrilled to get to know me and they're not lenient people at all. Again, you're stepping way too far, way too fast.


yes, I understand you're being "honest" but your utter contempt is without basis in reality, and you seem little more than a pseudo-intellectual troll who's read far too much Freud and had too little actual practice with real people.
The direct thing is charming at first, but it gets confrontational as hell and that's a highly undesirable trait in any person.

And as a result, people get defensive, and no-one gets anything out of the conversation.

Yes;

I care for her, and have done so for a long time,
Like I've said, we've been together for over one and a half year now, and it's pretty much been a perfect relationship.
She's had the freedom to flirt around and go on town without me, and so have I. (She's far more of a social person than I, so it's mostly her freedom we're talking about here. Other guys aren't threatening to me, so she's allowed to have sex, as long as it's protected. She's also been actively setting me up with girls, because she want's me to have sex with others, so the image that may have appeared of me as a sexual predator, and her as a doe-eyed follower, is completely false. )


The issue lies very much with my generally low levels of emotional engagement. (I'm more of a thinker-type, who looks for patterns and intuitive feelings than emotions.)
So, I love and respect her almost as much as my brother, but facing her mild addictive nature, I get a little frustrated and it seems to be pushing me out.

There's a further element of her having been so afraid to loose me that she's kept things from me, which breaks my trust in her, and doesn't help the situation. (It's not a big deal, more of a little lie, but still. The fact she felt that she had to hide something from me does not help my impression. So that is part of the reason I have felt like it's slipping from me.)


It cannot be a relationship of this kind if there is no trust, or so I think at least.
It seems a prerequisite for a relationship at all, and I don't like the concept of her being afraid to tell me things. (Which hasn't been much, but just a few things she had some hang-ups about, and which now aren't an issue at all anymore.) It makes me think I'm not reliable to her, which feels like she's mistrusting me, or doesn't feel secure with me.

actually you are almost the only one im ''trolling '' like this ... it's my job to talk to people by the way .. i get paid for it.
so you do feel attraction ... first you state that emotional desire is gone ... ? so she proposed having threesomes and foursomes ? how does that explain being impulsive and having no self control ... seem obvious...

i think you are feeding into her negative behaviour by not setting boundaries.
you let her read .. ? or do you relay everything to her from your perspective ... easy to cover up shit .... let her read this thread. ?
somehow i find this hard to believe.... probably.... you don't know enough psychology to improve her personality and break off her bad habits ... you just wrote a option of leaving her ....

what is your intention of posting ?
do you want people to encourage one of the two options you have written ? do you want to help your girlfriend ?

please again explain the title of this thread':''I'm fucking up the relationship'' this tells alot about the state you were in when you posted this thread.

i don't know why you are talking about me .... seems unimportant to me
did you told mom and dad how you agreed having theesomes and foursomes ... did you told mom and dad about her behaviour or how she likes coke and other shit ...probably not... they only like one side of your personality ; the political correct side you have shown in their company.

do you want your daughter to use coke and have foursomes ? are these 2 things good for your health ? physically and emotionally ?
the one thing she misses in life is clear set boundaries .. do you even realize you are encouraging her bad behaviour ? freedom is the whole problem.... what is freedom without discipline ? you are not a sexual predator .. i never said that .. you are just too -over-sexual. sexual predator lol .. sounds like you rape people ....

enough bragging...

you need to set boundaries .. no fucking around with random people... woman do not feel safe around men that do not set clear boundaries. Of course you can set too many boundaries and choke your girlfriend so do not overdo it.
if she does not talk to you about her problems you have to be more active ... ask her what she doesn't like about your relationship.. ask her what she doesn't like in general. Giving her the freedom like you do now does not improve her situation.

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Yeah yeah, you're right on many levels, but it's still a verbal attack, which triggers defensive responses.
That's the cue for my first response.


You're right I was in a slight uproar when I posted the first, but your extrapolations went way too far, and too fast.


Yes, I'm attracted to her, but I have always had very little emotional bonding, which in light of some elements that came to light, felt like it evaporated quickly and left me with an impression of a fragile and helpless girl (helpless in the face of her own temptations.)

Yes, she was the active pursuer of sexual experimentation, but has always left room for me to say stop.

You're right that I should set boundaries, and yes, I let her read.


Being as it is, she seems to honestly want me to pick up more women, and is even doubling as a wing. I'm having hard times not trying to interpret this psychologically as a repressed insecurity, but recent development will probably change this as it now seems I'm the insecure one, and if that proves the case, then the problem is easily solved.


Yes, the option of leaving was one we came to in a discussion when she stated that she doesn't want to change who she is, even though she doesn't want to loose me. So that option was a collaborative one. I have no desire to manipulate her against her will, and thus the option remained.


My intention was to find out whether others have been in the situation of loosing respect for their significant other, and whether or not this is likely to be temporal, or whether the "weakness" will be apparent to your eyes for the rest of the relationship.
In which case it's seriously going to cramp my ability to love her, and we'd both be better off moving on, instead of staying in a relationship with one broken wing.


The title "I'm fucking up the relationship" comes from the my feeling of loosing respect for her and thus feeling that the emotions are becoming more one-sided. The relationship seems unbalanced, and it was meant to illustrate that it is on my side the relationship is changing, and not hers. (Thus it is my values which are the cause of the limping, not her actions.)


There's no coke, that was from a post by Txacoli.
Yeah, yeah, no; We don't discuss the sexual activities with her parents, that seems somewhat inappropriate.

The politically correct ?
I'm sure.
Everyone display different masks at different occasions.
I'm not going to have sex with her mother to prove I'm the same person with her as with my girlfriend. This is completely derogatory and has no bearing on the case.


You're painting a picture that's extreme in every way in order to prove some point, yes ?

But look, Sex isn't bad, all things considered, an active sex-life is actually good for health, both physical and emotional.
Now, it's not gone the way that we have sex with large groups, but an intimate setting with people we like, sure. That's not a problem.

Drugs; I'm liberal about these, as long as they're done with moderation and a person knows and respects their limit, then it's fine.
I'm talking mild drugs here, not fucking cocaine, and this has never been an issue.


"what is freedom without discipline ? " that is my point.
But in my view the discipline should come from the individual, not be pressed upon them. (Which leads to the whole question of reverse psychology.)


over-sexual, as a couple, I agree.
Personally, no. I swing between low and high sexual desire, but it's always tempered and I do not get off with random people. It's an issue I have, I do not like the purely physical aspect, since it grows boring too quickly. I need involvement of a higher level in order to get turned on by a woman.

This, thank you, is helpful.
(That's what I meant by saying you're a beautiful person. You do have gold remarks, but the direct confrontational style looses charm after a few back and forths, to me.)

So, yes. Thank you for that.