Internalising mindsets for healthy relationship



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PostPosted: Mon May 23, 2011 9:12 am 
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Good afternoon.

I'm writing this, cuase i just had some akward moments with the gf. We were having sex while she said for the 3th time in a row... It's not going to work for me, leaving her unstatisfied. (while i was rubbing her clit.)

What happens is that i start to think it's because of a lack of skills, setting her off. (it used to be no problem, 7 month relationship)
-> Insecurity from my side.
So my automatic reaction is, a bit annoyed, upset. We end up going to sleep apart from eachother.

This mornin we woke up, still a bit akward, but ok. I say to her sorry about yesterday i wasn't a good bf, i should've been supportive instead i reacted to hard.

I know it shouldn't be able to touch me those small things. but they do. i know the right mindsets. I can walk around my house, telling me the right mindsets, and i'm ok for one evening. But after a while they start to fade, and i become insecure again and when something happens, she notices that i'm touched. -> turn off for her i guess.

So PUA stuff is there to internalise. Learn the stuff apply it that it becomes a part of you. Now i'm having trouble with the last part.

Anyone got any tips on that?
A comment on what happend?

Also, i'm all the time in my head, while i just need to enjoy and relax. I'm thinking, overthinking. Can't really stop it. Anyone got tips for that?!

Thanks in advance!


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PostPosted: Tue May 24, 2011 5:09 am 
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I see what you are asking...internalizing this is not something that happens overnight, it's something that takes practice but more so, it becomes your reality...what you are explaining is that you are trying to make this your reality, but your true reality sets in and you revert back!

If she's blunt enough to tell you, that's not going to work for her...ask her, what will? Let's figure this out and make a game of it! Now, just one sec...My mindset is different now and this is what I would do...back in the day, I would have turned my back on my GF and would have said....That's a fukd up thing to say...but if she is being truly honest, take that as a good thing and hopefully she is.
Why would I make a game of it...because how else am I going to tackle this problem? Take out some books and measuring tape and start doing some serious analogy on what and why....It's sex...it should be fun...and fuk it, I will make it fun, one way or another...perhaps you may want to start broadening your horizons, the basic stuff just is doing it for her! Just a thought.

It's not that little things shouldn't get to you, it's how you react and how true those small things are for you and your reality...if they are, then it's time to figure out a way to fix them. If they aren't, it should roll off your back like water! Don't bother with them, there are more important things to focus on.

Don't' get stuck in your head, it will consume you. Also, don't over analyze things either...OK...but how to overcome it? Well, for me...I had to get out of the relationship and work on myself...truly see what I wanted before being able to focus on my GF that needed me to be there for her in her tough situations.

I'm not saying, leave your girl, but perhaps do some work, things that interest you.

Would your GF get mad if you take a hobby that would not include her that is, if you have one that she wouldn't want to partake in...like Karate, Guitar lessons, Etc.

Notice how many views you got and yet, the advice to give on your last questions are really not that easy to answer or correct...it's WAY more than just game, it's your life and how you live it...that's something you can't read and fake, it has to be 1000% within you, your natural way of life!

I asked Robbie Kramer from Innerconfidence.com during a call, he said I need to be more in touch with myself and not focus on what others think...once I do that, the focus on what to do no longer becomes about me, it becomes about pleasing another...I need to please myself because in the end, that's what you have!

I asked Steve Mayeda from therednetwork.net, he said the same, along with knowing what I want in my life and aligning myself with what I deem important.

Both amazing guys and know alot about what they teach, Im glad I was able to meet with them.

Basically, you need to know what you want and understand how you feel at any given moment...you feel that way for a reason, acknowledge it and then understand it...if it's something that requires work, then work on it.

If there is something in specific you want to know, post it or PM me, I'll try to explain to you what I know or may have done...all I know is that it requires work but if you put in the work, the results are amazing!

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You can't make the same mistake twice, the second time you make it, it's no longer a mistake, it's a choice.


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PostPosted: Tue May 24, 2011 6:23 am 
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Dont apologise unless you know exactly what you did wrong. An apology is a way of saying I understand that you dont like this and I wont do it again, but unless you know exactly what you've done wrong, you cant prevent yourself from doing it again. "Its not going to work for me" doesnt explain much so as cedius said, find out what will work for her.


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PostPosted: Tue May 24, 2011 11:30 am 
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@ Cedius: Great advice, gave me an aha-moment.

Difficult problem to tackle, cuase i'm lying to myself. Making this a habbit will in the end become worse...

I gave you rep points for this one, and i'll contact you when i have questions, THX!


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PostPosted: Tue May 24, 2011 11:12 pm 
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@tiger
Quote:
"Its not going to work for me" doesnt explain much so as cedius said, find out what will work for her.
I don't get it what you are advising as if I read what I said again...I said the same as you but in different words...I ask because I don't take the advice I give lightly, if I am going to give someone my opinion, I want it to help in some way otherwise Im just wasting everyone's time by posting nonsense, I also put alot of time into addressing this so, it's not an attack in anyway. Hope that makes sense.
Quote:
If she's blunt enough to tell you, that's not going to work for her...ask her, what will?
Quote:
Difficult problem to tackle, cuase i'm lying to myself. Making this a habbit will in the end become worse...
It's not an easy fix but if you want to change how you feel, you need to start somewhere and that can only come from you.

Making this habit can only be worse if you internalize mindsets that will not help you succeed with life, women and overall happiness. It sounds like you need to find what you want first, then move from there. Oh, and thank you for the REP...nice. :D

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You can't make the same mistake twice, the second time you make it, it's no longer a mistake, it's a choice.


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PostPosted: Wed May 25, 2011 12:40 am 
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@Hobbit...Very true, that was indeed a lesson learned the hard way!

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You can't make the same mistake twice, the second time you make it, it's no longer a mistake, it's a choice.


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