Shes Prude and Im Catching The Blame



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PostPosted: Mon Apr 11, 2011 2:27 am 
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Ive been with this girl for a while now and although i love her, our sex life is rather dismal; she is prude and I need more passion or I cant hardly ever get past foreplay. She just lays there and my equipment gets bored if you know what Im gettin at. She wants to blame it on me but I dont have ED, I refrained from masturbation to increase my sex drive, and now im just horny as all hell lately and she wont put out, and then apologizes today and she told me she isnt a sexual person like some girls. This is disconcerting, does this mean less sex for my future I dont know how im supposed to take that..

So then the other night she asked me a weird ass question: "Would you still date me if i was a man?" Of course i said, "well hell no, im not gay sweety." Then she said that she would date me if I was a girl.... How am I supposed to interpret this, is she saying that she is into girls or not into me sexually? A trick question or what?

You can probably see why I could have doubts, she might think I am a lame lover but thats a double edged sword, at least i have initiative, and she just plays the "old fashioned" or good girl card so she can stubbornly avoid leaving her comfort zone, and sexually reciprocating. She is unsecure about her body and is reserved but I want to see a sexy side, what about me?! She doesnt seem very willing to try new things and im getting worried that Im never going to get layed.

Suggestions truly appreciated

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PostPosted: Mon Apr 11, 2011 4:23 am 
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i'm curious, how old are you? how old is she? it's relevant.

also, to answer your question, i wouldn't put up with that for a second. i'm an asshole, i'd tell her "no problem. you can cook and clean for me. i'll go out and fuck. and make sure to be home by dinner time. since you have no sex drive, i'm sure you won't mind."

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PostPosted: Mon Apr 11, 2011 11:32 am 
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Sex isn't just for fun and pleasure. It's a basic human need for both males and females; a core component of our physiology. It's as important to the brain as getting enough sleep, eating healthy, and drinking enough daily fluids.

With that said, she's depriving you of a basic human need. You need to communicate with her and tell her firmly that you require sexual stimulation, and if she refuses, slap her in the face with an ultimatum.


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PostPosted: Mon Apr 11, 2011 12:06 pm 
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i used to give ultimatums, now i skip that step and go right to packing, lol.

i shit you not, just walk to the closet, grab all your clothes on the hangers and start walking out the door.

i think i "coined" this response. when a woman sees you do this, she will snap to attention so fast her fucking head will spin and she will have whiplash.

LMAO

of course, this only works if you live together...

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what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!


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PostPosted: Tue Apr 12, 2011 5:06 pm 
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Quote:
i used to give ultimatums, now i skip that step and go right to packing, lol.

i shit you not, just walk to the closet, grab all your clothes on the hangers and start walking out the door.

i think i "coined" this response. when a woman sees you do this, she will snap to attention so fast her fucking head will spin and she will have whiplash.

LMAO

of course, this only works if you live together...
haha very nice love your posts mack


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PostPosted: Tue Apr 12, 2011 8:44 pm 
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Try to do push pull kino techniques, kino has to leave you wanting for more when done right. Oh and focus on growing the attraction. The aim is to get her escalating on you.


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PostPosted: Tue Apr 12, 2011 10:13 pm 
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Ever tried sitting down and asking her why she's not into it ask her if it's something your doing, best thing in any situation is communication.

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The Edge... there is no honest way to explain it because the only people who really know where it is are the ones who have gone over.


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 13, 2011 12:32 am 
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couples should have their own hobbies. you know...time apart.

she could take up knitting on like tuesday or wednesday nights.
you could take up "sex" with random women.

just phrase it as a hobby.

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what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!


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PostPosted: Thu Apr 14, 2011 5:55 pm 
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Sorry about the late reply, and thanks for your replies. Yeah some of them are the rendering of ignorant egos, but i do also appreciate broad spectrum of opinions. On the other side of the spectrum I find Hobbit's reply particularly relevant to my plight. I am trying to make this work, like I said, I love her. I dont think that any of us are permanently or definitively set about our conception of the world, and she is naive. I want to make her like sex, she thinks she knows herself so well when really she has a biased view of sex because she is uncomfortable with her body.

To answer questions, she is 19 and I am 23 and we are in college together. I did have a talk with her about all the dilemmas encompassing our "sex life". I told her i needed more stimulation to stay in a sexual mode, and I suggested that we just get naked or down to underwear at least, and go from there. She immediatley said she wont do that she is stubborn and doesnt want to go outside of her sheltered bubble of comfort. Although stubborn she is, I have personally seen her and influenced her to break her own rules before.

Anyway after this she started saying all that shit about her not being a sexual person, and I just hope that she was saying some of it defensively. I think she felt i was putting pressure on her for sex, when I was only trying to be proactive and find a way to make it work for us. I was talking to her about some of the previously posted things she said to me, trying to clarify it all. She said that she just doesnt want our relationship to be about sex......what a fucking crock we dont even have sex and weve been dating for months. What I should have said is, "we dont have sex, isnt our relationship based on everything but that as it is?"

Its pissing me off the more I think about it. I increase my sex drive to enhance our disfunctional sex life, and she withdraws and cuts me off because she must think Im in this relationship for sex now that I am so recently concerned and proactive about it. WTF I love her but im not about to be jacking off like junior high when I have a beautiful girlfriend

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PostPosted: Thu Apr 14, 2011 9:44 pm 
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wanting sex in a relationship = healthy, natural, not cruel

withholding sex in a relationship = unhealthy, unnatural, cruel

i'd say the original poster clearly has the moral higher ground in this situation. no one is claiming that a relationship has to be about physical intimacy only, however, no romantic relationship will survive without it.

without physical intimacy, what are you? a friend, a cousin, a BFF, a buddy...

what are you to her without physical intimacy? how are you any different from any other person she talks with or spends time with?

when i get into a romantic relationship, you bet your sweet ass i am looking for physical intimacy. not a fucking pen pal! or a therapist! or a buddy!

oh, and to answer the op's question:

offer her oral sex with no strings attached! say you just want to give her pleasure, you want to give her pleasure so bad that it hurts you not being able to give it to her, promise her there will be no sex on your part. just a simple act of pleasuring her.

once she has her first thigh-trembling, labia-flapping, juice-splurting orgasm all over your face - you have WON!

in short order she will be begging for a followup visit with a cock chaser to boot!

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what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 15, 2011 12:22 am 
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i don't view it as a power struggle.

i view it as nature.

mates ... um ... "mate".

that's why they are called mates.

what i see is if two people can't agree on fundamentally what they need - be it sex, or empathy, or hobbies, or whatever is important to the other, then a relationship is doomed.

if a woman says "i need to talk" to feel loved, and the man refuses to talk, that relationship is doomed.

if a man says "i need physical intimacy" to feel loved, and the woman refuses to provide, that relationship is doomed.

a relationship can't be sustained without needs being met.

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what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 15, 2011 12:53 am 
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lol, ah yes, you must have been responding to my previous posts which are usually entirely bullshit and totally unhelpful! LOLOL

:lol:

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what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!


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PostPosted: Mon Apr 18, 2011 6:42 pm 
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I think we all know men and women think differently. Men work with logic (i.e. couples should want to biologically mate, relationships obv need physical emotional balance) and women work with what 'feels' right. This being said, the solution isnt in getting her understanding of your frustration or concerns, its getting her to almost subconsciously desire physical attention.

So how is this done? The same principles of pickup apply.

Have you ever tried to walk out on a random girl and display anger bc she wont get physical with you? we all know this doesnt work, and im not talking about a freeze out.

If she doesnt desire sex from you, dont get upset. Start to feign losing interest in her physically. Dont pursue the topic anymore, and stay friendly, confident, and collected. First she will shit test you and try to call your bluff. Be patient (to do this you really have to be ok with the situation and learn to not take her actions personally, shes acting off of subconscious push pull emotions).

There will come a turning point where she starts to wonder why no longer pursue her physically, and thus a void has been created.

Subtle ways to poke the bear? Maybe she notices you casually checking out another attractive women (dont overdo it).

Also important, don't defend your behavior aggressively. She will start to realize that you're actions are not that of a bad boyfriend, but in fact exist in the general nature of any man. Dont apologize for your growing lack of physical interest in her or your appreciation for physical beauty in others. She needs to see this is a natural cause and effect type of interaction.

She will approach you on the the topic eventually when it starts to sink in that shes losing your interest, because lefts face it, everyones ego needs to be reassured. If she truly has any feelings for you this will hit her where it hurts. This being said, don't be emotionally distant! she needs to see you are the same guy, and this is not some stunt you are trying to pull, otherwise you're "the jerk" of the situation.

When she does approach you, it might be in tiny ways to test the water, like small teases to see if you pursue or maybe even direct questions like "why dont you ask me for sex anymore"

The most crucial thing here is to NOT be an AFC who gets frustrated and needy, and not be a cocky jerk either. A true confident male is balanced and complete without a woman, and if you can reward her sexual interest with playfulness of your own to match her energy but not overdo it she will know you are not harboring any resentment and maybe shes missing out on something.

In terms of foreplay and her pinning things on ED etc, ignore that. You need to set the stage that if you two start getting hot and heavy, the natural progression is some 1st, 2nd, and 3rd base action. If she starts giving you shit you pull a Freeze Out. The idea here is you have returned to the table with a new set of unspoken rules that she can either abide by or stew in her void of physicall attention. She needs to be reminded internally you CAN leave her anytime, not that you want to.

Keep in mind, relationships are about honest communication, so if you have to mediate your sex life with pua techniques all the time she might not be the right match for you. This will probably bring her around, but it wont keep things alive forever and is alot of upkeep.

To add some credibility to this advice, ill share that my current gf and i are very adventurous, but her last (and first) boyfriend and her barely had physical intimacy. She says she never know how open she could be and it took the right person to get her there. It was definitely a slow start for us physically bc she was reserved and shy, but things couldnt be better now. With my first girlfriend i was an AFC and my sex life was average, and i wasnt going to make that same mistake the second time around! she loves my confidence in the bedroom, but I dont hint of our dirty side to others in public so she feels more safe. I think anyone can be that 'right guy'. Good luck!


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