"Either you are okay with her conduct or not. You know everything you need to know. She went behind your back and secretly contacted people she has fucked and tried to hide it from you. It's as simple as that. You don't know what she plans on doing from here. The point is, it doesn't fucking matter.

Are you OR aren't you okay with what she has done up until now? All you need to decide, my friend, is the answer to that question.

No amount of "talking to her" or "confronting her" will change what you already know has happened. That is some AFC-behavior bullshit if you do that. Seriously, think about it. You already know all that you need to know. Either be okay with having the woman you love being sneaky and deceitful and tending toward cheating, or don't.

The choice is yours.

I'm speaking from experience, personally. I've been down this road. My instincts are so fucking finely honed when it comes to women. I can be inside their heads and hear their thoughts as they are thinking them. Even my ex, who hates me, will admit (grudgingly) to this day, that toward the end I could read her mind.

That makes this scenario totally different. I was in that situation once before, too, and it sucks. It is really hard to know what to do.

What may seem obvious to you (and almost everyone else but her) is that, if your girl had respect for your relationship, she would not be pushing these buttons when she has been known to cheat with this guy. However, I can almost guarantee she does not look at it this way.

When this happened to me, I freaked out a little bit. I thought it was callous of my (now) ex-gf to be in contact with a guy who she cheated with in her previous relationship. It doesn't say a whole lot about how much respect you're getting when your girl is willing to mess with your head like that. I did the whole "what about me?" boo-hoo emotional mess in my knee jerk reaction to the situation, but I'm older and wiser now, and I would handle it differently.

Anyway, in my situation, the conflict and resolution (or lack there of) didn't go down well. I made it into a big blow-up issue, she got defensive, nothing was solved, and I bailed. I could have handled it better from my end. Would anything have changed in her view of what she should and should not do? I don't know, but she has since told me that she wished she would have ignored that guy instead of pushing it forward in order to piss me off, because it was not worth losing me over. Live and learn (to not play games, LOL).

My advice to you is to calmly approach her, say, "I know this is probably nothing, but I'm not comfortable with you being in touch with this guy. I know the history between the two of you, and I won't put myself in a situation to get burned. Can you understand my position?" Don't get emotional, just state it as fact. If she resists, you can tell her that it is a deal-breaker, if it is. If she still doesn't "get it" and agree to avoid this guy, you might have to let this one go. Whatever you do, stay calm.

Of course, you can also just sit on it and ignore it. But this is a bad sign, in my opinion. If she doesn't get the fact that both men and women need to feel a certain (reasonable) level of security in a relationship, you might bail and find a girl who does get it.

Tyketto is dead on, too.

Thanks guys for your help. You are all right in what you suggest. The main problem I have though, is that she is the only person in my life right now. i'll explain.

She is a huge part of my life. I have a couple guy friends who I hang out with, but only a couple of times per month. Outside of the people she knows, I don't have a social circle. I am not really good at making friends, so it is hard for me. I have tried to become a pua, but I have a huge mental block in my head that prevents me from progressing. Along with that, I lost my job a while back and had to move back in with my parents. (im almost 29 right now, so i'd have a hard time explaining to someone why im in the situation I am in. She just recently moved back with her mom due to some credit card problems.)

Like I said in the original post, my girlfriend and I do have a decent relationship. I just don't want this to turn into cheating. All of your advice was right on. Given my current situation, I feel my only option is to try to salvage things with her. Here is what I am thinking of doing. I appreciate any feedback

I am going to pull back a little in the love and affection I give her. I am going to go on facebook with her present and "stumble upon" this guy. I am then going to ask her about the guy and pay attention to her reaction. If I sense she is trying to cover up something, I will tell her that her being in contact with him compromises the integrity of our relationship. I am not telling her what to do an be controlling. Instead I am calmly telling her if she is in contact with him, I take that as disrespect and will not stand for it.

interesting thread.
another is I agree with Mack's previous posts