I’ve gone through my whole life chasing the opposite sex and why to love and be loved I have given so much yet had so little I thought I would be with one girl forever and she fucked me over like it was nothing took her one word to destroy me. After all that she now wants me back and soo much of me says take her back everything will be fine but I know it won’t. I know she will fuck me over I heard she’s gone a bit crazy too going out constantly being a slag I saw her best friend well I thought she was but they hate each other now she’s become a bitch apparently with everyone and I never thought she’d get like that. Today out the blue she sent me an email just a song and said I thought you might like this lyrics are deep.

But there is one thing I am now seeing this other girl who is amazing after the break up I had sex countless of times and I felt nothing empty if you like I didn’t enjoy one. Then I met the girl I’m seeing now she’s everything my ex wasn’t like I said in a recent post I’ve had more fun with her in 2 months then I had with my ex in 2 years. But I do think I’m not been myself in this relationship since my ex I’ve put a guard in front of me with girls so I don’t get hurt so I’m not very affectionate she mentioned it last night that I’m not a lovey type of person. I just don’t ever want to feel the pain I did when my ex finished it with me this girl deserves the best she’s been hurt to so she finds it hard to trust people. Last Friday she sent me drunken text saying “I love you, I know you don’t feel the same though so it’s ok” I didn’t reply to that I couldn’t I thought it was her mates pissing around but it was only her she told me before she’s never told anyone that not even through drunk text which I believe I didn’t expect that either so I told her the next morning she denied sending it but she mentioned it last night and said she must of.

So I guess I need to open up more I don’t want to lose this girl I’ve tried so hard to get her she was my oneitis for a while and no one said I could get her I made quite a few posts on how to get her and after everything I did but now I’m going to lose her if I don’t man the fuck up and be myself around her again. Even though the upside to all this I never get jealous or needy which she admitted she didn’t like the fact I wasn’t jealous at all. But the only thing fucking my head up is my Ex again after she admitted she wanted me back crying to me down the phone etc... I said I think you should stop calling me or emailing me she agreed and a month later she emailed me out of the blue with this song total head fuck. Anyone been through the same? Would be nice to hear some stories.

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The Edge... there is no honest way to explain it because the only people who really know where it is are the ones who have gone over.

As long as you let a memory of your ex and what happened/could happen with her (something from the past/future) influence your reality (something that is present, now, and real) you will struggle with relationships.

There is a huge difference between the mind-made past/future and the present reality. You put up a shield because you are afraid of what happened in your past, of becoming vulnerable, and of getting hurt again in the future. The moment you put the shield down, you realize that nothing from your past can hurt you anymore, and you become invulnerable.

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- Lux et Veritas -

Ok...yes...I can relate.

My Ex wife and the latest GF which is now an Ex.

I wasn't quite ready for the relationship when I got into it until a few months later. I found that I would compare what I was ending with what I was getting into. Imagine fights with your Ex in which you find the fastest way to cut them down because if you don't, they will and then take that mentality into the new relationship.

I made alot of mistakes...I was really guarded but then when MY GF at the time said..."You can't make those scars our scars...what she did is not me or my fault nor do I want to do that with or to you"...I remember that clearly and those WERE the exact words.

I learned alot with her...she tolerated alot too. It's why Im not getting into another relationship for at least a year.

Either case...you have to trust her...you can't look back at what happened and expect that in this relationship...I dont mean trust as in...her and someone else...I mean trust her with your you and how she is going to handle her part of you two share. If you can't do that...then you aren't being fair to her...sounds like I am taking sides but you wouldn't want her to be holding back on you.

Let go of your past...or take time to FIND yourself in a better position to take on a new relationship by remaining single for some time...those are your choices.

The quote...You can be Mr. Right, just not Mr. Right now...well, it could ring true for her coming from you...she could be the one...it's just right now...you may not be completely ready for her fully

If you ask me...you aren't ready...and if you continue down this road...you will lose her...girls have a sixth sense with this type of stuff...it's why we are here, to try and learn the rights and wrongs.

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You can't make the same mistake twice, the second time you make it, it's no longer a mistake, it's a choice.

Thank you for the comments real help full.

Even though what you said Cedius is not what I want to hear but I don’t think I am ready for a relationship but if I didn’t I would lose her she has so many guys after her and she said she can’t wait for me forever so then I asked her why is she going to go for someone else she said no but it isn’t fair for me to invest so much time and feel like I’m getting nowhere. Which I totally understand I can honestly say I really like this girl but mentally I can’t give her what she needs I’m trying so hard and she seems to be happy I think she is falling in love with me to.

I’ve heard that quote so many times. You can be Mr. Right, just not Mr. Right now, and for the first time I can relate to it. She also mentioned last night that I have to stop comparing her to my ex I’ve done that quite a few times but my ex made me so insecure I always check if she’s ok with that or am I doing something wrong don’t get me wrong my Pua side to this has never been better she’s always chasing me telling me she wants to see me all the time I’m being alpha etc... but it’s the little things that are making me the worst with her if I finish this girl now I know I will never get her back she’s been hurt allot in the past and she doesn’t need it now. So as selfish as this may sound I need to work a way around this. Advice here would help me so much and if all else fails I will sit down talk to her and explain my situation and see how she feels. Anyway thanks a lot for the help cleared my head knowing other people are in the same or been in the same situation as me.

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The Edge... there is no honest way to explain it because the only people who really know where it is are the ones who have gone over.

Are you saying that you are going to stay in this until "The wheels fall off"?
This isn't fair to either of you...and you know it...you are cheating her of what she thinks she is getting from you which is a possible future all the while you are trying to save her from heart ache and you can't pretend forever...once she finds out that you can't give her what she wants...she is just going to hurt all over again. The sooner you decide you can't stay in this, the better for both of you...you are not ready.

You can't make yourself ready in a week either. I took me a good 2 years to get over my ex wife. Half of that was spent with my last LTR now Ex GF...same situation...I wasn't ready but I went into the relationship and didn't want to break her heart when she did fall crazy in love with me...it was a really good feeling...she was the girl I always wanted in high school, I had her for abit, lost her and I finally got her back...but it was just bad timing for the next go around...I thought I could fake it and get over my EX quick but I couldn't...it was great at first and then she saw through me...I wasn't ready and now it's over.

You don't have to heed my advice here...It's up to you...you will do what you feel is right...but you will both end up hurt in the end.

There are other girls...she has great qualities...there are others that have similar or better...don't hold on to something that you can't...be true to yourself and if you truly love or care about her...you won't keep her as a toy...she is not a toy.

I say this all the time, some may have already seen it in my posts...would you want her to do this to you? Keep you from moving on...having you think that things will get better all the while you don't know what her true motives are.

I don't mean to sound like an asshole and you probably hate what I am telling you...but all I can say is that you consider what it would be like to be in her shoes. Had I known my ex was pulling this shit on me...I would be fukn pissed! Right now...I just feel like I jerked her around and now Im just another asshole that broke her heart. Lesson learned!

I know you read Kill Beatrice but I think you may need to re-read it again slowly...I know you feel she is the best thing out there...but really...how many have posted similar situations and then found themselves in better relationships for being true to themselves.

Either way...I wish you the best of luck with what you decide...I know I didn't heed alot of this when I was told I wasn't ready...I still did what I wanted to do and I did...I kept her...but only for 6 months longer after that first year.

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You can't make the same mistake twice, the second time you make it, it's no longer a mistake, it's a choice.

Thanks for the reply once again.
If I’m honest I don’t think you’re a dick one bit, but no it wasn’t nice to hear that.
The last thing I want to do is hurt her and by keeping her I might but I am over my Ex it just confuses me when she keeps trying to come back into my life I understand that you’ve been there and done it but ... you can fall for someone with time I truly think this girl is brilliant we get along amazingly. This weekend I went to meet all her friends in a house party got really drunk together and had a laugh then on sat I spent the night at hers we cooked some food had some wine and a DVD and had great sex at the end of the night. Another thing people told me I couldn’t get this girl at the start because I had oneitis over her I refuse to give up on something I want maybe arrogant of me and people won’t like hearing this but if it all goes wrong I will happily tell you that you where right and that I’ll learn from my mistakes. Thanks for the Advice though Cedius

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The Edge... there is no honest way to explain it because the only people who really know where it is are the ones who have gone over.

Don't go into a relationship with emotional baggage. This applies to you and her.

You're not ready and it will manifest itself somewhere down the line. Trust me.

Seems to me you've already identified the problem Ap. You're a great guy, you helped me out on my thread here and ive noticed you do the same to others so im gona do my best to help here.

Life in my books is the process of loving and letting go, its often painful but thats what makes you strong. Sometimes it makes us too strong, too closed and too frightened of shadows. For this or any relationship to work you have to trust the other person to take everything you give them of yourself and not damage it. Often people will, usually through no fault of their own. Cedius is right though, its not fair on either of you to hold back on the girl, and while you've got your ex in your head you will be doing this.

My gf was like you for the first few months of our relationship, she was not over her ex, i eventually told her exactly what Cedius was told, that you cant burden a new person with the failings of the last, nor expect them to measure up to the ex's (no doubt many) virtues. Every relationship must be approached in a totally new and open way. and if that takes time away from LTR's and girlfriends then thats ok, it really is.

You don't want to lose this new girl, i get that, but its just not fair on either of you to compare her, subconciously or otherwise with your ex. When you're ready to think of your ex with total ambivalence most of the time, you will be ready to open yourself up again if thats what you want to do. Before then its needless, destructive self analysis to expect to be able to. By all means try to give more if that's what you want and need to do to keep her. If you are over your ex just completely ignore her, dont even LOOK at her emails, if she calls ignore it, if she texts, delete it immediately. You don't need that messing with your head.

just my 2 cents, sorry if ive just repeated what others have said also.

Hey el_rubia thank you for your kind words.
After thinking about this for most of the night I’m going to have a chat with her today when she comes over I’m going to explain the whole situation to her from scratch see if she will understand. No doubt she’ll hale abuse at me but I’m going to play it cool because when my head is sorted I’m going to try my best to get her back even though I doubt I will. But I don’t give up easy so maybe you’ll see a post in the future of her again (I hope). As for speaking to my Ex I never pick up the phone anymore or read her texts I don’t have a choice about reading emails because they pop up on m y screen when I go on them so it kind of sucks. Anyway thanks for the help once again.

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The Edge... there is no honest way to explain it because the only people who really know where it is are the ones who have gone over.