Guys, whilst i love my girlfriend, three years is a long time. the stress of work and other commitments start to tear apart what was once fresh and exciting.

The problem is ive become apathetic toward the relationship. Im 'comfortable' and I dont want to be the guy who settles for being comfortable. Im not sexually invested in her but I do like her as a person.

I feel the problem could be solved by shifting to an open relationship, allowing me to be sexually satisfied and mentally satisfied that i have the freedom to explore, but she definately wouldnt want that.

Maybe its time to get out before it goes stale? What would be the best way without leaving her too hurt, after all its not her fault, and she's very invested in me, being her first real boyfriend and all.

We also live together and wont move out til next year.

I feel like a jerk.

Thoughts?

the open relationship in your situation is the last thing you want to do. especially since you are trying to leave the relationship on "good terms". fucking some broad in one room while your ex is watching tv in another is just tacky. work on changing the living situation before you do anything drastic. but if you absolutely need to get some new ass, keep it descreet.

1. Who shows more affection. Grab ass or playful banter. IF theres none there then build it up so that you are the one trying and she is the one avoiding it.
2. Talk to her about seeing a consulor about your relationship. This is important. Even if you don't go, you are making a major step by saying "hey .. we need fixing." you can say the passion is gone as the reason.
3. Push her to go out with friends more. The more she builds a social life away from you the less she will hurt when it ends.

Asking for an open relationship with a woman is a tricky thing. First you have to be able to imagine her with other guys. If it bothers you at all ... don't. Your not ready and your about to make a huge mistake. If you are OK with this thought, you can tell her after doing at least number 2 and 3 above that maybe her going on a date would make her feel the spark for you that might be missing.

By going on a date with another guy she can be reminded of how great you 2 are togeather. (when really this is a set up to make it more exceptable for you to see another woman later.) Tell her to really pay attention to what she does and how she acts around the other guy, so she can bring that back into the relationship.

If you push her hard enough she will do one of a few things.

1. start an argument that makes her the bad guy by not being willing to try to "fix things"
2. ask you to do the same. Talking about having sex with the people you date WILL come up. Remember to tell her your going to take things slow and not get attached.. but if she feels the need and things seem right, then trust her heart because you trust her heart. Let her be the one to pull the open relationship into place .. if you don't she will always remind you of the scumbag you were to sleep with someone else.
3. She will see someone without much argument. In this case you have become a non sexual object to her as well, and you'll find that she won't take very long in having sex with someone else.

NOTE: VERY IMPORTANT: if shes going out with someone else. Remind her it is only a date. (you can mention later if she has sex with the guy. That people date many people and have sex often. If she is just "dating" this guy. It's OK for you 2 to still have sex.) I say this because a woman that is new to relationships after being with someone for a long time will want to cling to the guy she sleeps with and not feel like a whore. You have to be there to let her know it's fine. Thn when you see someone else it becomes easier for her to except as you stay togeather.

I know this works, for I'm in an open relationship with 3 women at the moment and still working on a forth.