My fiance can be one of the most sweetest women around. But she has another side to her that is really bitchy. I think that she has some major inner issues which cause her to act this way. This past weekend sucked. She acted bitchy and indifferent to me at times.

The other night she made plans for her, my sister, and myself to hang out. Well I get a call from her that day, telling me that she is not in the mood to do anything with my sister and tell her not to come. We got into an arguement, because she said my sister couldn't come, yet she invited her friend to hang out. After we argued some more, I got my sister to come and her friend also came. She paid most of her attention to her friend and barely talked to me and my sister.

The next day she ditches me to go out shopping and to eat with her friend. Then she calls me up and wants me to come over when she is done. I came later than she expected and was bitchy about me being late. That evening we go to a movie and she invites her friend along without my consent. Am I being needy or is this being disrespectful of her?

Then yesterday we had plans to go to a car show together. She was excited to go all week, but the morning of that day, she says "Do we really have to go to that stupid car show? She agreed to come, but then started getting really bitchy on the way there. She wanted me to turn back and take her home. I told her she would have to wait. Then I said "I do shit with you all the time, and now can't you do this for me"? She agreed and said that I do a lot for her and she needs to learn to do stuff with me.

Well that afternoon, she started getting bitchy about the engagement ring I got her. This is our conversation:

Her: I can't stand that stupid ring you got me. I have to pretend to like it, but it is a piece of shit. I'm glad to know you really care about me. (She demanded a certain engagement ring, but i got her a similar one)

Me: I told you that I got you the ring to save money. I also gave you plenty of opportunities to exchange it before it was too late. I do care about you. (she lied to me and told me she loved the engagement ring I got her)

Her: You're a jerk. All I wanted was _______ ring and you couldn't even get that for me.

Me: I am very offended with the way you are treating me. You told me you loved the ring and were happy to have it. You should feel honored that I asked you to be my wife. You area very ungreatful person.

Then I started to walk out the door and she begged me to stay. I said the only way I am staying is if you apologize. Then she gave half apologies and I said unless you mean it, I am leaving. She then truely apologized and I decided to stay. She said she loved the ring because its from me, but it is not one she would have picked out.

She also likes to get her way a lot. I am afraid she has some major inner issues. What is the best way you guys have handled bitchy women?

Thanks

She was being hars towards you, you didn't accept her behaviour and was ready to leave unless she apologised. Well done

I have had a relationship of round about 1 year so Im not very experienced. When my gf is bitchy I do the same as you do, don't accept her behaviour (unless she has a good reason to be upset of course). As far as I know, that's the best way to handle it.

Be a bit distant and don't accept it when she's bitchy...

- Consistence

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Thank you for your help guys

Hobbit - you are right, she is what she is. I know that you can't change another person. I just have such a huge emotional investment in her. She can be a great person most of the time, but then other times she goes on her bitchy streak.

Like if she doesn't get her way, she gets really cranky and pissed. She always complains about how she is never happy. Some times she tries to make me feel guilty for her by saying things like "I wish a car would hit me tonight", or "No one will miss me if i'm gone", or "Why can't I just die". I tell her to quit talking foolishly and then she gets into a big discussion how depressed she is, etc... Between her acting like a bitch, telling me how depressed she is, always having to be with her friend, and wanting her way a lot, are these issues something tha I should try to help her handle or do I convince her to seek counseling?

thanks again

If it is like this now how will it be down the road when you add kids, a house and all the other stresses of life?

1. Her telling you she doesnt like the ring is extremely self centered, superficial, and self serving! If my gf did that to me I would have told her to give me the ring and that the engagment is over and that I just realized the ring is more important to her than the relationship and then I would have walked.

You two are not ready to get married IMO and it sounds like you have some issues to work out before you do. I would sit down and talk to her about how you feel and let her understand that if she wants to spend the rest of her life with you she has put in an effort as well.

P.S If a she ever tells you she doesnt like the thing again tell her you have no ring on your finger yet you love her just the same and your not complaining.

These are some excellent points.

Clearly, you guys got some issues that need to be resolved before taking the step of actually marrying her. Now, I'm not telling you what to do. You know your fiance the best and you know how you feel about her better than I do.

However... She's not bitchy. She's childish and cries out for your attention all the time - negatively. She keeps bitching about how bad her life is and how depressed she is and that nobody likes her.

... I would've told her: So I mean nothing to you? I make your life miserable? Then pack your stuff and get out of my life - I don't have time to listen to your constant bitching about YOU and YOUR life. Appreciate what you got and live with it.

Point is... People don't magically change. You can't change anyone and this is a fact you need to accept (been there, tried that). So either:

1. Accept her the way she is and marry her.
2. Dump her crybaby-ass.
3. Marry her and TRY to change her.... This will fail and you end up with a divorce/miserable marriage and life.

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Thanks for the tip, Hobbit. I will definitely look in to that!

However, I still stick by my other points written in the reply, dis-including the fiancè part.

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"Did your mom act like this girl does? That could explain why your engaged to her and didn't just break up with her immediately."

No she didn't. But this is a great point as to why I am with her. Both my parents raised me in a way that was really AFC. My whole life, I have been extremely intimidated by women. I have always been deathly afraid to talk to women. I first started dating my fiance like 5 years ago. When I first heard she liked me, I was in love with her. She was a HB that was into me. Well after a while she started treating me like shit. She had some major issues that included her physically abusing me. I didn't leave her, because I had a very low self-esteem and didn't believe that I could get another HB. After a while, my family intervened and we were forced to go on a break. About 6 months of this and she started fucking another guy behind my back. From that point, we didn't talk for 2 years.

Right after we broke up, I met a guy who introuduced me to the pick-up arts. It totally changed my whole outlook on life. I got out there and approached women. Because I didn't master the art, I ended up getting into a LTR with some chick that I met. We dated for about a year and a half. She was toxic and made my ex-girl seem like an angel. After this chick and I broke up, I was very depressed and had no self-confidence. I ended up hooking back up with my ex and she is now currently my fiance. With all of the investment we have in each other, I would hate to loose her. As bad as she is some times, she also does have a really great side.

So do you think that there is hope for her to change or is she a lost cause?

thanks

I understand what you've been going through and I know that you've invested too much time with her so you feel you don't wanna lose her.

... But she is not going to change. People don't just change because you want them to. The fact that she treats you like shit means that you value her more than she values you.

This clearly means that she will NOT be ready to change for YOUR sake. If she was - it would have happened a long time ago and none of this shit that you're going through would've happened.

By reading Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking, I feel safe to say: Your fiancè is indeed, a lost cause - and you should move on because you deserve so much better.

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Hobbit you are right

I totally understand what you are saying. There are a couple of things that hold me back though:

1) I am still extremely intimidated by women and I freeze up when I talk to a HB.

2) The city I live in is not very big. Finding an abundance of target rich locations is difficult. When I was practicing game, several times I approached the same women or group multiple times. (very embarrasing )

3) My girl does have some good things going for her. I just figured that all women have some flaws to them, that aren't necessarily dealbreakers for everyone. Plus she is a HB.

These are just some reasons I feel that it is worth keeping her and trying to help her change. We do enjoy eachother most of the time. There are just some problems that flare up sometimes. I guess I just don't want to make a mistake of getting rid of her if she is not as bad as it seems.

thanks

Hobbit has been 100% dead on through out this entire thread. Please, PLEASE do not marry this girl.

As a guy who is engaged to the woman of his dreams, I can tell you there is only one reason in the entire world to marry another person, and that is because you are ridiculously, crazy, over-the-top in love with them in a way that pales even your wildest dreams of what a great relationship should be like.

This is the right of every man, if they aren't afraid to pursue it.

Your boy,
870

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