Hey.

Ok, so if you've seen the posts I've previously posted on here - things seem to be spiraling downward in me and my girlfriend's relationship. Tonight was a new type of situation.

She locked her keys in the car and when I offered to come help - she wasn't even grateful to me at all. I kinda snapped at her and instead of helping her we got in an argument (my fault), and I didn't help her out. I failed at the role of a supporting or helpful boyfriend to her need (helping her get her keys out of the car). I flipped out at her though - and this was the main thing. I was pissed that she acted so ungrateful that I blew up her phone with texts saying angry things (stupid on my part). So she had her co-worker call a tow truck to get them out for her.

Anyhow, so she calls me tonight after she gets off work and after she gets her keys out of her car. She starts yelling about how I am "acting like a girl" and blowing up her phone and such. She also said that she didn't like how I didn't help her get her keys just cuz she didn't say "thank you". She told me she wants me to be more manly. She said she wants me to TAKE CARE OF HER. (which I do...) but she told me she wishes I had been there for her today (and I wish I had have been there for her as well). She told me she doesn't want SOME OTEHR MAN taking care of her and that she wishes her BOYFRIEND would take care of her more.

But I fucked up and was a major ass hole for no reason instead of shining through in this problem and being the hero. =(

Anyhow - she then started to nit-pick about how I am not manly enough (don't like beer, how I don't like parties, how I dont do certain things and such). I told her I love going to parties... but she said "maybe it's cuz I just dont want to go with YOU". I then told her something I shouldn't have and that it's obvious she doesn't love or like me because of the way she was talking to me and nitpicking.. I told her it's obvious she doesn't like me. She told me how she doesn't like how much I care about my image and how I look and that she wishes I wasn't afraid to just get dirty.

It was obvious she was just nitpicking about everything. She had told me previously this earlier week (last week) that she felt suffocated because she works, has school, and then sees me on the weekends and how she doesn't have any time for herself. So I know that a lot of the reason she was acting that way was because she is frustrated at her own life.

Anyhow, I then said if we can't change the way we are attacking each other lately and how we are nitpicking about every little flaw... that I think we should go our different ways. She said in a mocking way "yeah yeah ok". She then asked for a break and told me that she wants this weekend to herself. I told her "that's fine and we will see if we can get together sometime aftwerwards to talk". And we hungup.

So now I'm stuck in a "break". I don't know what to do. I should have been there and been the man for her today and helped her out. But I wasn't.

I highly doubt she will feel any better about me or the relationship (or the way she perceives me in general) after this "break". I don't know what to do now. I don't know how I can fix this problem or how I can be more "manly". I don't think she will feel any better about anything - so now what? Should I show up with an appology and appology gift and appologize to her in a couple days? (she did a similar thing with me when I took a break with her. She came to me with some candy and a nice letter appologizing for her attitude.). I am usually against kissing ass and appologziing.. but I really did fucking fail as a boyfriend when she really needed my help. =(

Then, right before I finished posting this - she texts me "over it". I haven't replied because I do not know what that means. But I suppose she will call if she wants to talk =/ I want to respect her space.

Advice!?!

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Hey, I'm not much of an expert, just a heads up.

But, I was in similar situation a few years back with my gf. We've been dating for like half a year, when similar happened. I was selfish and exploded on her. We agreed to have a 'break'.

What I did in that situation was: I just went over to her house, came in, gave her flowers, kissed her, hugged her, nothing more. No words, nothing, just touch and eye contact. And just left, expecting nothing in return. I wasn't breaking up, that was just some kind of attention I wanted to give her, or sort of a 'sorry' gesture, but not really, so it was a safe move. Now the trick is: you gotta be sure to know where she is and don't tell her you are coming and do it with a heart. You can even come to her work during her lunch or something else.

Later that night she called me and asked to come over...She told me she never had a boyfriend do it to her before, and doubts that anyone will...She told me that this visit made her day and it was the most pleasant thing. That day just strengthened our relationship and we have been together for 3 years, and 2 more as long distance, since I left to other country.

Try it, and if she doesn't contact you, just enjoy your weekend doing something fun to get distracted.

im gonna get short here bcause i already know what's going to happen
i've read half the story .... conclusion : your fucked
i've read the whole story .. conclusion : you are fucked more
conclusion of both : bad shit but it's not that bad .. i mean you don't have aids or some other deadly disease.
What she did was she made up / put up her own reasons to dump you, even stupid reasons like '' you don't go to parties '' etc. In her eyes/mind you have no value anymore because she probably fixated on something else of value. thus she doesn't focus on you and make up /remember all negative thoughts about you.

you just feuled her picking behaviour by doing the same back - this fueling her reason to dump you even more
you started to say : go different way thus threathing indirectly breakup - she asked for a break.....by giving in and picking back you only showed your not capable of dealing with her frustrations .. if you can'tt take her shit... well....

You also gave her the idea you want to break up as well which is fucked up - because if you call you can give power away - or she will respect it... its 50/50.
do you want to give up yourself and go to her with candy and shit ? which doesn't change anything anyway , or do you leave it @ here ?

im going to give you advice and you must take it to heart and really really consider this. you are just incapable of dealing with this relationship
(i mean this one only) you have to change yourself - moving closer to your inner core but that isn't going to happen in a few days. Look there are many positive things you did but at the end you totally totally fucked up , AKA EPIC FAIL.
Problem is she shit tested you over and over and you didn't do enough with the feedback she gave, you literally failed those tests. you are 100% incongruent with her reality and values.
what i think is the best : it's not working out don't call her anymore - cut her out of your life.

when you still want to keep options open : respect the break... a break is a break and you will not call her. when she calls you you tell her you're having a break and end the convo, if she tells you about breaking up tell her she can call you over a week because you're both having a break.
when you do call her after a week or so ... call her and tell her you need more time, show her you take the relationship seriously- tell her you need to do stuff.
break ? your stuck in a break ? be glad she didn't dump you and fucks some other guy - be glad your stuck in a ''break''.

what i would do : ....take a vacation to the amazonian rainforrest or something .. jump out of a plane into the forrest go on survival and deal with this shit when i get back, but im hardcore so that's not the advice you want.
what you should do now : text her back that you don't know what she means with ''over it' ,you will not call her back because we are having a break. you respect her space and you take it seriously - you expect her not to call you; text her this. she just perceived you aren't taking this relationship serious by confirming her negative behaviour / tests. with the text you turn it around.

look i hate to give this advice on what to do because this relationship is going to fail anyway - im not saying it will fail entirely - it will fail on some levels because you are both acting with your ego. this is probably whole relationship is not based on real love but probably some other reasons - the fear of being alone or whatever.
Normally i won't give advice on this because i already know the possible outcome, still i've invested in other posts and i believe everyone is a good and potent human inside. If you don't take to heart what i've said in all your posts then this relationship is fucked anyway - if you think it's some feel good shit then your wrong and i don't write this shit to make you feel better - it;s designed to make people better.

so right now im going to tell you what i think of you even though i don't know you in person. and it has nothing to do about what she said and im not confirming what she said about you - she's equally. i hate to judge and i never do but now im going to, but i think i got a pretty good external pre-image about who you are

i think you are an asshole to some degree.... i think you are leeching on other people because you expect them to invest back... like you offered her to take the keys out and she wasn't gratefull ? you snapped at her 4 that ? what do you expect, do you expect she kisses your feet or something ? she has her part in all of this but she's right about you acting like a girl - she even said she doesn't want another man SHE fucking chose for you even when you act like a little girl. Show some fucking respect , because if you ca'n'tt deal with your own shit you can't deal with hers and vice versa. you have a break .. well i would dump your ass straight away.

i have posted in your other post.. one of them is girlfriend-told-me-im-suffocating-her-vt62577.html ... i've posted in other threads you made as well . i even have my own relationship thread where you can learn alot , somehow it seems you still keep doing the same stuff - like you don't take it seriously , it's not some feel good shit ,it's designed to improve people and improvement is a choice - either you take it or not but im not going to give you the same hints over and over if you don't take it seriously ''enough''.
so im not here to go over the same prinicples over and over and other people won't do it either because they are aware as well

tipaj: Similar .. similar ... now im going to judge ... like he did at the time .. you are also selfish and you also explode on her , stop being this kid that cries when he doesn't get his candy.

You either fucking take it seriously.
Or you leave it here and stay a selfish jerk for the rest of your life until every relationship fails.

guess what ?! .. 99 % of all the relationships aren't serious loving relationships , they are just romantic relationships designed to fill up a gap in someones self esteem. do you want to be part of the statistics ? do you want to upgrade it to 99.001 % ? well yeah i failed in relationships but that has nothing to do with me because i know who i am and i will respect or love someone even if that person tells me to fuck off. i won't throw insults back and give them best wishes. why the fuck would you act negative anyway ? life is too short to be negative all the time ...

you either prove me wrong about my expectations how this relationship is going to fail. if it still fails you are going to prove me wrong about being selfish and shit - and you change ; go trough your inner core / inner game to be a better person.
also important to do your own thing , if you decide you want to give her flowers you give her flowers. if she is going to give the relationship a second chance and you agree you will go for it - you will bring her flowers and stuff like that other guy mensioned.

peace

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Awesome - What better way to show how independent and manly you are, give some gift, kiss, then leave. Not expecting anything in return. Surely not saying anything would drive her nuts and at least prompt her to go "don't think sucking up will get you anywhere" at worst. Not sure where to go from there, but that's a start.

Anyway, I'm more posting about how to prevent this stage in the future. When a girl is IRRATIONAL, it's time to look at other causes for her mood. DO NOT pull apart the situation with your manly logic and start thinking "Well I did X so she should do Y" - this will just make you mad, and not solve the problem. While those "facts" may be true, they are only true confined to that limited, single instance, and as you can see, it makes no sense for her to be behaving like that. So instead of getting mad at her for being irrational, you have to step back and work out what could be making her behave that way. Something ELSE is wrong, and as the lover and protector, you need to find out what it is, or at least give her space to work it out. By reacting to her irrational behaviour, which is exactly what it is, you prove to her that you can't handle her shit. Women always need someone who can handle their shit. All the good girls will later on calm down and apologise profusely for their behaviour and give you awesome sex for being the man.

Also, regarding manliness - her comment about beer is fucked, that doesn't make you a man (actually excess beer causes more generation of ostrogen, which gives you a gut and "man boobs" so it makes you less of a man - look it up) but regardless - women nit-pick random, STUPID things, when they're uncomfortable. Trying to understand the individual things is useless, need to get to the source of the problem. A woman who feels safe with her man and loves him, does so in spite of all the little flaws, and will even defend them, because it makes you unique. You change a woman's mood, you change her mind.

look everyone has issues... but the guy creates a topic on how to get more sex with his GF and a day after he made this thread. Not to mension previous threads , this guy and his GF just have/has way more issues then you are presenting. Acting back and agreeing with acting like a asshole only shows you got a problems and not only the other person.

If you had a break twice ( or more i don't know ) and this shit is going on for several weeks then there are more problems than meet the eye. most people don't even post in this thread because they already read the other ones and there is not much to be said because it's quitte obvious and i pointed on it multiple times. people are already not posting or are saying '' waste of time ''

So i thought lets confirm his thought about fucking up and confirm her speech about acting like a child so it sinks in ,-instead of the in depth multitude psychological feel good shit approach. cmon... i had fucked up relationships and i had a similar problem with my last GF but only more extreme and i recovered and changed after 2 weeks because i wanted to change, change is a choice. if you feel good about previous advice but not really applying it into your life you're just satisfying your ego - cheap way to feel enhanced for a period of time - so im not giving him his external validation feel good shit to blow up his ego about justifying his actions , he said himself he was acting like he fucked up so.....im not going to tell him i know him better than he knows himself and give compliments.

1. he's probably angry about what i've said
2. he's taking some time off and is doing thinking
3. he's being patient

but at all those 3 ... i don't give a fuck what will happen because he will land on his feet anyway , if she dumps him he learns his lessons and if they stay together he learns some lessons. i challenged him to change and he didn't reply yet so i assume he's either doing it himself, or he's fucking around and wasting time. and if people can't handle my replies on the forum they should live somewhere on a deserted island because this is only some keyboard typing - i say this shit to the most worst and aggressive people in real life.

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I mean Lode basically told you what's up but I disagree that this relationship is over. It is just damn close.

This break you really need to figure out if you are going to man up or not, it sounds like she wants you to but she's like giving you a last chance. There is the possibility that she has given up on you, but her saying that She doesn't want some other guy taking care of her she wants you is pretty rough thing to say.

From my perspective though, if you really put in the time and face your problems and figure out why it is you can't be the man in this relationship and show her that you are going to always protect her then you need to just end it.

Lode is right about the ungrateful thing, I mean shit thats a situation where everybody is flustered and I bet if you solved the problem then afterwards she would have been grateful. You blowing up at her at that time was the worst possible thing you could have done. I mean seriously most girls wouldn't even do that. You made the whole situation about 2000% worse.

I would say let it go, but change yourself if you want her. If you don't want to change or think that you aren't at fault or whatever bullshit excuse then don't change but your relationship with this girl will be over.

I think this is a situation with a lot of possibvle outcomes.
In my case, the only time I cheated on a gf, she found out. I spent like 6 months trying to get her back... when I decided to keep on with my life, she came back and we spent years together after that. So... anything can happen, but 9 out of 10 girls would act kinda like this.

Just ignore her for as long as you can, even when she texts you do not text back. Go flirt and maybe see other girls if thats an option for you. Just keep busy and try to keep your mind of her. When you feel a strong urge to call or text her, don't do it! I guarantee you will regret it. She has to get to you first. You have to give her a chance to miss you. She will eventually call or come to see you, and when she does don't act like you would usually act. Do not try to kiss or hug her. Just act nonchalant and she will wonder whats going on. Then gradually you can open up to her and trust me things will go back to normal. Works for me every time after a big fight.

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