This has been said many times on the forum, but I wanted to emphasize it even more. Matt Hudson came up with this in his ex-squared system, which if you are in a relationship go out buy it and read it immediately because it's going to save you a whole lot of trouble.

My ex broke up with me about three months ago. I remember she said she couldn't handle taking care of me any longer. I was clingy, approval seeking, and I had lost self-esteem. If you are showing any of this behavior in your current relationship please do reflecting before someone you care about loses their sexual attraction for you.

She said she needed to be independent. I went sooooo AFC and begged for her back then acted like a crazy person (I'll spare you the details) but in this conversation if instead of trying to get her to not break up with me by looking for pity in sympathy I would have said "I get it. You haven't been acting like yourself lately, and I can tell you've been distraught and conflicted. It's been hard to watch and I want the best for you, I want you to be happy. I totally agree, you should go be independent be a college girl! Enjoy one of the best times fo your life with you friends. But know that I'm not going to be hanging around anymore, I don't really do the post-relationship friends thing. As much as I love you now I am going to move on."

Now here is the exercise I want you to do. Picture your girlfriend getting really hot for another guy, forgetting about you, and wanting to break up with you? Can you say that to her, do you have the courage, the confidence? Is she an addition to your happiness or the source. If you're thinking to yourself with a weird feeling in your stomach man I don't want to lose her or wow I don't know what I'd do without her then head on over to the inner game section bro.

I got hurt real bad, and I don't want that for you guys. I know if I would have taken the power by encouraging her independence when she was breaking up with me I'd be far less bitter and heart-broken. That just psychology, not love.

Good Luck Gentlemen,
Dizzler

good post, a lesson learnt is never too late

Vidit??

What's that

i know my ex-Gfs better than they know themselfs they were all fucked up to the core and i feel sorry for them... if i do this exercise i keep imagning how they meet fucked up people and coke dealers who are abusive.

lol you went soooo afc ? you spare the details because they probably very AFC and very juicy ::P:P:P.

thanks for the info

_________________
AK-47...When you absolutely positively have to kill every fucking orc in the room
questions about herbal medicine here-vp582526.html#582526

Yeah I mean my ex-gf had a series of "Identity Crises" while we were dating. She couldn't decide what she wanted and at her core was very conflicted. Now I don't see her with coke dealers, but her "friends" definitely treat her like shit, she isn't hanging around guys like me anymore (more like nerds from the engineering school), and I know her "best friend" continually uses her and abuses her to enable her own bad habits. Her friend was often the source of her unhappiness which we identified and multiple conversations but some how it always came back to me. Her friend would do something ridiculous and it would cause turbulence in our relationship.

So the juicy details are as follows: Day 1 of break up - call her crying like 5 times and leave messages day 2 no response - send lame love email - get response encouraging my independence. Day 3 aforementioned friend say she is cheating day 4 I go crazy with rage threatening her to hunt this guy down and break his face so bad everytime she looks at him she thinks of me. day 5 - feel like a total idiot and never make that mistake again. day 6 - realization that, even though me not knowing her or ever being with her again is for the best, I ruined any chance of ever getting with her again.


_Still trying to come to grips with the finality of this break-up_

Yeah I mean my ex-gf had a series of "Identity Crises" while we were dating. She couldn't decide what she wanted and at her core was very conflicted. Now I don't see her with coke dealers, but her "friends" definitely treat her like shit, she isn't hanging around guys like me anymore (more like nerds from the engineering school), and I know her "best friend" continually uses her and abuses her to enable her own bad habits. Her friend was often the source of her unhappiness which we identified and multiple conversations but some how it always came back to me. Her friend would do something ridiculous and it would cause turbulence in our relationship.

So the juicy details are as follows: Day 1 of break up - call her crying like 5 times and leave messages day 2 no response - send lame love email - get response encouraging my independence. Day 3 aforementioned friend say she is cheating day 4 I go crazy with rage threatening her to hunt this guy down and break his face so bad everytime she looks at him she thinks of me. day 5 - feel like a total idiot and never make that mistake again. day 6 - realization that, even though me not knowing her or ever being with her again is for the best, I ruined any chance of ever getting with her again.


_Still trying to come to grips with the finality of this break-up_

Yeah I mean my ex-gf had a series of "Identity Crises" while we were dating. She couldn't decide what she wanted and at her core was very conflicted. Now I don't see her with coke dealers, but her "friends" definitely treat her like shit, she isn't hanging around guys like me anymore (more like nerds from the engineering school), and I know her "best friend" continually uses her and abuses her to enable her own bad habits. Her friend was often the source of her unhappiness which we identified and multiple conversations but some how it always came back to me. Her friend would do something ridiculous and it would cause turbulence in our relationship.

So the juicy details are as follows: Day 1 of break up - call her crying like 5 times and leave messages day 2 no response - send lame love email - get response encouraging my independence. Day 3 aforementioned friend say she is cheating day 4 I go crazy with rage threatening her to hunt this guy down and break his face so bad everytime she looks at him she thinks of me. day 5 - feel like a total idiot and never make that mistake again. day 6 - realization that, even though me not knowing her or ever being with her again is for the best, I ruined any chance of ever getting with her again.


_Still trying to come to grips with the finality of this break-up_

o my god ... too juicy hahah , normally i would say ... damn .. bad shit .... now i have to say : my condolences lol
nah everybody did stupid shit... i also threathened my ex , stalking her and do really really stupid shit hahah... i knew she cheated but instead of threathing to beat up this guy i told her im going to kill her dog and fuck her sister .... LOL..., she's still mad but everytime i meet her ( she lives 1 minute from my house lol ) i laugh the shit out of everything. We were both so utter ridiculious - she's still angry tho because she didn't learn her lessons she's still the judgemental bipolair bitch with an identity crisis.
right now i can't believe i didn't dump her first few weeks, her dog still likes me tho.

_________________
AK-47...When you absolutely positively have to kill every fucking orc in the room
questions about herbal medicine here-vp582526.html#582526

One of the hardest parts of this whole situation is the embarassment. It really sucks to look back and see myself acting immaturely, calling my gf crying an begging, and freaking out. Frankly I couldn't look her in the eyes if I saw her today. I hope I never have to hear or see her again. I learned my lesson and now I just want to forget her. I want to forget that I'm going down as a crazy ex-boyfriend in her book, because we were more than that, but it is what it is.

That's definately the worse part of the situation, crying and calling her. I demonstrated to her how much power and control she had over me and that I was a mess without her. Frankly it is downright depressing to think about the way I acted, I can't wait to forget this whole experience (not the lesson)

I think u've learned your lesson buddy, u will handle the NEXT situation more better, no doubt. Frankly, its good to mentain independence in a relationship, its show that u can handle yourself and can live satisfactorily with or without her. I have always been hard on myself in a relationship and I let my gf be aware that I'm not the type of guy who will fall at their feets crying or begging to stay together, I'm not scare of breakup and not scare to start another one the next day, experiience have thought me I own my life and decides how to spend it and would'nt allow anyone to ruin it.

Congrat for re-discoverying your new you.

i think we've all done the crying/begging thing at least once it's all part of growing up, we learn evntually, and then looking back on how we acted is just cringeworthy

I struggle with this one. If I meet a girl and game her right, usually she turns into a really needy, whiny undesirable.

I mean I have essentially taken all control, which she likes, but what makes her not know what to do, also usually leads to over obsession. This is kind of annoying if your ultimate goal is to actually be in a healthy relationship, the methods of gaming seem to have a long term adverse affect (excellent short term).

The other situation I have found myself in, with the two girls who actually kept the relationship challenging (and continued to struggle for that control .. (before of-course ultimately submitting and attempting again) .. and kept my interest, was how do you move that into a healthy relationship?

Yes I agree you should always have that upper hand/edge, but doesn't it get annoying having to game ALL the time? If you want more from her and stop gaming then my experience is that she a) loses attraction, because you are not the same person you purported to be or b) thinks that (and correctly so) that you have given her full reign of the leash and she'll walk all over you. Anyone have any good experiences with this they care to share?

BP