Okey, guys. I logged into the chat and talked with one of the moderators, hobbit, and he told me something that scared and surprised me (not a quote, but a self-made summary): "You shouldn't look at your relationship as a game. You ended the game when you got into the relationship. Now you have to focus on developing a healthy relationship, not keep on gaming your gf with freeze-outs, push-pulls all the time, negs etc." I got together with my girlfriend 6 months ago and this is my first serious relationship. I got into the game aprx 1 year ago. It has helped A LOT. I'll put it briefly:
My girlfriend is in love with me. She's not following models or patterns to make me feel attracted to her. She's not reading guides on how to make me think more of her. Why? Because you shouldn't game (you can to a certain degree) in a relationsship. I will now change my behavior towards her and I want you to help me out so I don't become an AFC.

+ I WILL MAINTAIN A STRONG FRAME. My frame described in words would be: "My girlfriend have a good boyfriend. She should feel happy being with him. If you act nicely towards him you WILL get rewarded with nice behavior. If you however act badly you won't be rewarded. He is ready to leave if you cheat on him or kiss another boy. If you break-up it's your loss."

+ RESPOND 'UNREACTIVE' TO INSULTS. When she makes jokes of me or insult me I will ignore her and be unreactive. When she says positive things and talk positive of me I will show positive emotions. This can probalby turn into a good circle?

+ NOT BECOME NEEDY. I won't text or call her all day long. I won't sit beside her at school at every possible opportunity. I will keep talking to other girls. I won't let her know where I am at all times (the same goes for her) etc.

+ MAKE HER FIGHT FOR IT. If I want sex and she doesn't, she'll get away from it. The same applies to me. If I don't want sex, I'll don't give it. Simple-don't give in all the times.

+ BE MYSTERIOUS, BADASS AND NICE AT THE SAME TIME. When we are togheter I'll spice up the sex, spice up the things we do (i.e. not only watch tv, movies and have sex), not be available all the time by participating in sport and social activities, tease her, push-pull (not much, but at times), play dirty-text game, take her on a nice date when she has behaved in a positive way (not much, but sometimes) etc.

+ IMPROVE INNER GAME AND SEXUALITY. Nuff said.

Is this a nice plan to maintain a healthy relationship. Yes or No? Why?

- Happy me

every relationship is different.

a good relationship is one where you can be yourselfs without affecting your partner in a negative way.

it's hard to describe the defention... i mean what is normal ? ask everybody '' what is normal '' and you get 1000 different replies.
The game don't end when you get into a relationship ... the game ends when you go in a committed serious relationship...... alot of girls keep shit testing and qualifing to months after 6 months she it's considered a serious relationship - but again the opinion of this is widely spread, everyone has a different opinion.

a good relationsip is balanced ... you love eachother equally - if one gives more than the other it isn't a good relationship. Everything has to come from 2 sides, actually i think you can game in a relationship as long your not manipulating or telling lies. as long the emphasis lays on humor and excitement.

i think a good trust relationship is one where your girlfriend wouldn't fuck brad pitt or george clooney behind your back given the chance.



strong frame .... i think after a few months or a year you can be emotional .. i mean it's not bad to show emotions it's a connection you will make and a commitment. ALso when you get emotional your girlfriend knows she can do it to -just don't be captain sensitive. Balance it.......

some relationships will still be shitty if you control the frame ... girls will brag or insult you .. sometimes you have to agree, when you decide to go and buy a house you have to agree for 50% and so does she. if she's behaving like a bitch without appearant reason doesn't mean you have to put up a defence , if she tells you you are a lazy bitch just agree ..... by agreeing you are taking away her ammuntion.

controlling frame can be the same as putting up a defense .. the one who needs to defend shows a certain weakness.
like the dalia lama said : it only becomes a war when you defend against the attacker.

BE unreactive against insult ..... when she does this is a public situation with friends around you certainly should turn it around or ignore it, however she insults you with a reason it's because something is wrong. by ignoring her she will try harder to make you understand therefore ignoring is dumb , she will say '' he never is listening we just don't communicate'' if she calls you gay it's probably because you are flirting with men.

NOT become needy is a good one .... you can become needy when your parents die or when you need to go to hospital for surgery. However i think you should tell her what your doing or where you at this way you got something to talk about or she can calculate on how bussy you are. It's good to let her know you got alot of things around you, this way she wouldn't be become so needy.

make her fight for it ..... i think this should be turned to listening ... if she doesn't want sex then why would you force her ? that's totally egoistic and self centered, you can give in as long there is love and emotion in the play it's just a little bit more exciting and rewarding when you play hard sometimes.

the harder it is to achieve something , the more rewarding it is..... don't be a social control robot tho.


don't be mysterious in a serious relationship... in the first few months you can do that but when you get really comitted after a year (or 2) you have to stop doing this. being a badass is stupid ... rather be cocky and funny - after while she expects you to adapt to some of her values and so does her parents.
just be yourself and don't be the president of unicef , if you really don't like her pants or make up you just tell her by making a joke .... nothing wrong with that as long you keep smiling.

just say what you want to say.. if you really don''t like her parents you can tell her or even her parents ... if she can't laugh about some of your jokes then she doesn't got the same humor, at least you can laugh about it. by telling what you think ( even the things that can be a bit insulting) you get respect... your being honest and are expressing yourself.

it's not about adapting or adjusting ... it's about respecting eachother while being ourselfs ... you don't give up you only share, if she doesn't wanna share fine neither do i - it work two ways.

improve inner game and sexuality + skills ..... always do this .. always improve yourself .

keep things balanced ... if she lies then don't flush her out, if she can lie so can you. if she flirts with other guys you can flirt with other girls , if she hold somthing back she gives you reason to hold something back, it works two ways don't attack eachother it's just a way of setting perimiters.

just do what you want your the most important person in the relationship.

_________________
AK-47...When you absolutely positively have to kill every fucking orc in the room
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Thanks for the reply and excellent thoughts. I got some important notes from your post and I will use them to my favour;)

+ You can play game in a relationship as long as it is based on humor, excitement and increasing attraction before sex (i.e. dirty text game or phone game, PUA stuff).
+ Have a balanced frame where you show emotions at right times. It's important to have a good frame, but it's also important to not act like a stone (...no emotions).
+ She is only insulting me infront of friends to increase her value among others. I will keep on ignoring her insults, and they will probably stop;)
+ Sometimes it's good to say "I fucking love to be with you!" but that should be a reward, said at special times, not often. Don't be NEEDY. Important one, yey.
+ Be cocky&funny, but remember to smile while saying the jokes!

Got some good pointers there

Keep 'em coming !!!

a good read is DAVID X .. it's a pdf- ebook.. it's also about 30 pages and a easy and humorous read.

relationship rescue from doctor phil was really a helpful one, not like your relationship has to be rescued but it helps you reflect on things.
in my opinion it's the only good book from doctor phil.

how te be an adult in relationships, by david richo

hard book ...very hard .... it lays some emphasis on buddhism as well .... i've found this one of the books in hich you really learn alot about yourself.
challenge yourself with this one !

all these books are sbout values and all that kind of stuff.

_________________
AK-47...When you absolutely positively have to kill every fucking orc in the room
questions about herbal medicine here-vp582526.html#582526