| Folks, I need advice. I want to see if this girl is a relationship prospect or if I should just split, if that is what I want. I am sorry this post is long. But I’d really appreciate the advice. I feel the situation is complicated.
We have been having sex since the 4th date. She spends the night when we do this. We have been averaging sex or nights together at about2/ 3 times a week for past two months.
The problem? I get mixed signals from this girl in terms of relationship potential. It’s so complicated to describe. I will just list a bunch of incidents which sway me either way. Some of these are red flags that make me think I should just forget this girl for anything long-term. Anyways, here they are ( I put negative incidents in bold):
(a) I have been dating this girl for about 2 months. Since she had just broke up with her boyfriend a mere two weeks before we met, early in our dating (the 3rd Date), she explained she wanted to be single for two months. One date later, we had sex
(b) After we had sex the first time, she emphasized “we are friends” and she does not introduce me to her friends as a “boyfriend” or anything else. I did not ask her about this or show indications that I cared either way. At the time, I figured 'friends with benefits' is fine (The chick is hot and a good lay)
(c) After having sex for about three weeks, she has said to me, “she wants to take things slow”. (I find this ironic. Usually taking things slow means “no sex” to me)
(d) After about three weeks, an incident happened that bothered me. We went to a club. I went to the bathroom. When I came back, she introduced me to some guy she had just met. This guy bought her drink and kept hanging out with us. He was obviously trying to game her. About 15 minutes, later, they exchanged numbers. I was pissed but I contained myself and said I was leaving right now. Anyways, to make a long story short, I told her later that I understand that we are “Friends” who have sex but I find it disrespectful to be picking up numbers when I am with her. She said at first, “I don’t want any boundaries”. I then, told her, “that’s cool. No hard feelings at all but I think we should just be friends/acquanitences then and not have anything else (i.e., meaning “sex”). She said ok and said she was sorry I felt disrespected. I said “No worries”. We said bye on the phone. All of sudden within 15 minutes or so, this seem to freak her out and she began texting me and calling me like crazy saying she has only been dating me and no one else and she thought things were going fine and we were just taking it slow. She said she only got the guy’s number because she is a club-promoter/bartender and sometimes she forgets she is not working (Now, I know some of you will say she is bluffing but call me naive, but I do believe her on this one. She gets numbers from guys/girls at clubs all the time right in front of me. She does this to promote clubs/parties for agency. She texts messages later to promote all kinds of parties to people on her phone list. In addition, I honestly do not think the guy she gave the number to was any threat at all to me. I do not want to get in detail here but lets just say, he was no Brad Pitt nor PUA. I still say though that her saying that initial bit about “boundaries” is a bad sign). Anyways, at the end of this incident, she professed she had strong feeling towards me/promised she was not BSing me about anything and we seemed much closer. On our next date, she took me out on an expensive date and paid. She was much more affectionate to me etc.
(e) Around 1 month mark, she had a weird exclusivity speech. I was drinking a little so I don’t really remember the details. She tried to say something like “I really like you. You are the only person I am seeing. I want to see where this takes us. Is that ok with you?”. I said” Sure. Sounds good. I like you also”.
(f) Later she reiterated with me in a text: “just to be clear, you are the only person I am dating”
(g) Through my friend who is dating one of her good friends, I learnt that she has sent a text saying that she totally adores me.
(h) She sends texts regularly at night, saying she wishes she was in bed with me etc.
(i) She initiates texts or calls at about 3 times the rate that I do.
(j) Two nights ago, we were drinking and we got into a relationship discussion, just about the dating scene in general and boyfriends-girlfriends. And she says something like, “Nothing is really going on here”, which I interpreted to mean ‘between us’. She also said, she hasn’t met anyone who has really blown her away. Because I am dating her and having sex with her, I also interpreted this to mean she meant that (a) she was still on the market or looking for another prospect and (b) I was not a big interest to her. It’s ironic to me because during this exact same period that she said this, for the first time, she spent two days and nights with me, postponing plans etc. just to hang out with me, have sex etc.
(k) The very next day after, the above, she texts me at night: “Id love to stay with you. I cant stop thinking about it. I know its too soon but I would just really like to see you”. She comes over and spends the night. We did a lot of fore-play but no sex because I ran out of condoms.
(l) This girl drinks a lot. She drinks like me (3 times a week at night – binge-drinking at clubs/bars). I don’t know if this is good or bad thing. Just throwing it in there.
(m) She tends to kind of flirt with guys and has lots of guy friends. (I personally have never met or dated any hot girls who do not). She does this right in front of me. She hangs off of guys, hugs them etc. She introduces me to these guys etc. who are “friends”. Then, she get shocked when some of these guys confess that there into her for something more. She claims (like all girls) to be a ‘ good girl’ who never cheats when in a relationship. (I know some of you are going to say that this flirting is red-flag but, for some reason, I could be daft, but I do tend to think she could be a ‘good girl’ and just very social).
Anyways, I feel this girl tends to push back every time, things get too close. It’s almost like a women playing that whole “hot” and “cold” game on me.
Through everything, I’ve been playing it cool like I don’t care either way. I don’t broach the whole relationship topic and I just act like I don’t care if the relationship happens or it doesn’t. Im also indifferent to the “guy-friends” hitting on her etc. Why do I do this? Because I am pretty sure the indifference and non-reactive attidude works. She is a pretty hot girl (HB 8/9), ex-NFL cheerleader, Vegas dancer etc. and accustom to lots of male attention. The guys who repulse her are all these guys trying to game her by confessing their “deeper feelings” to her. These are guys who claim to be “friends” but are really gaming her. Anyways, I think my coolness and aloof attidude works.
Anyways, can someone lend an opinion, is this girl bad news if I want a relationship or what?
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CHAT