Call me a wuss a 100 times... I know I slipped for a while, but I want to see what any of you would do in my situation to win a girl back....really just because I want to mess with her a bit and I really did connect with her....I thought.
I have just started reading the Intro to NLP and was thinking of using that but want your advice.

I had an affair with a gal for about 2 yrs. We were all friends, lived in the same hood and something connected us on a work trip. We fought it because as couples we all hung out, but we continually connected on email and made a big sexual connection as we were both missing a lot of the same things. So I turned 40. Had a party to celebrate. Got caught with her in the closet by my soon to be ex wife.
Good thing thats all they caught me doing as we had a game going.

That sparked her getting a divorce and we didn't talk for 2 months. Then we connected again... still nervous of divorce issues, but we met more, talked more start fucking it was getting hot...very hot. Well I finally decided I needed a divorce and the very day I told my wife I needed a divorce (she had not kicked me out of the house believe it or not) my side bitch flipped a switch and went the other way. Fuck.

We went from emailing 30 times a daymaking out in a coffee shop that very week to nothing. She is under huge pressure with her divorce, atty told her to chill but now she wont flirt. She wont talk on the phone. She will respond to 'normal' boring texts. And she will on occasion show signs of life, but not much. and not making enough to pay the bills.

So I lost the upper hand...the status.
I need a plan of how to get the control back and the status?
Step by step.
Start me with winning control by texting. Hopefully leading to getting her back on the phone or meet so I can NLP or something?
Who's got ideas? Plans? Help!



So I am trying to set the table in her mind that she has to have me regardless of what is going on with her.

I was really thinking the NLP stuff would work like wild fire as we had a few great travel experiences, great sex and great connect. I know not your typical question but still a challenge of conquering chicks minds...So I turn to you guys and your expert advice. What would you do?

i don't have alot of time but il reply
your not 20 anymore ( physically ) if you really get along well, why would you divorce ....

il post an idea later, dont have much time right now but i think i understand why you want her back.

you first need to learn NLP before you can use it ..... both take alot of time, problem with NLP is that if persons really know you throught and throught it's harder to apply.

my first advice ... don't sleep with other girls.
2nd. be honest to her

it's not a pick-up or whatever .... you both are material for a relationship-therapist , i think you sound a little bit in the dark.....
NLP probably won't help you, you sound like youre in the dark - NLP is pure manipulation and getting her back with manipulation isn't a great foundation for a relationship.

+ NLP can backfire ... maybe you sleep together one night and after she feels different WHO KNOWS ? it's programming you programming her mind in some way.

you don't need that shit.. .your not a wuss for wanting her back ... your a wuss because it's the way you get her back.

1. be non-needy
2. be independant
3. remain unnaffected
4. DON't contact her much
5. don't be emotional in you conversations ... BECAUSE she isn't emotional either ( she stopped flirting etc )

you lost the upper hand .... you allowed it , you wanting her back gives her more power. Don't let her know you want her back ... take your time, tell her when the time is right.

a plan to get control back .... HOW ABOUT

1. you show your wife your honest ... you already cheated
2. show her your confident
3. show her what you want

convey all the qualities you need for a solid relationship, don't look like a average chump but don't look emotionless either.

next time you talk to her and when you both feel some connection ....... tell her you put your head in the toilet and you flushed it twice because you feel stupid for having an affair.
and tell her you have gone to clubs and venues ... tell her you met other woman but who ever you meet and whatever they did you kept seeing your ex-wife her face.

say this when the timing is right.

don't even NLP over texting because it will look totally incongruent when you talk to her face-to-face.
she already had you for many years .... ( don't know how long but it sounds long) why would she have you again ?
SHOW HER WHY ... make her remember... how and why is your choice.

i tried NLP with a ex-GF but somehow it didn't gave me the right results... you can;t manipulate your ex - you can't be her friend in order to get into her pants. She have to make her own choice you can't make her choose , it's out of your control.... i've said this 10000 times ; control yourself in a situation that's out of control.

1. stop texting or calling her.... it's hard ... but you can get adjusted to the fact she's not in your life + it makes her vulnerable because she is lured to call or text message to you thus she is investing.
when she calls you can get away with more

2. accept the fact she isn't your wife or ex-wife ..... you can't jump back into a reltionship that quick ... consider it dating.

3. when you talk to her or she talk to you - be fun be cocky BUT above all be honest and don't play games, it's already complicated so DON'T make it more complex. ex-wifes know their ex-husbands and they can easily see through them - don't play games.

skills you need for control : psychological skills ( not NLP) verbal skills , body language skills. Don't use complex methods for a complex problem because it will make you lose control.

you both need to see a therapist when you get back together.....

how long have you been together etc
give us a detailed description of your relationship.

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