A month ago, I separated with my wife of about four years (we’ve been together for eight years total). We have been having problems for awhile and a month ago she told me that she has been cheating on me with another guy for the past eight months. My wife and I don’t really fight and we have had a good sex life but she says I have not been giving her what she needs intellectually and emotionally (I haven’t wanted to spend time with her, share in her interests with her, talk with her, cuddle with her like I used to, etc.). This is why she cheated on me. I understand and I am not mad at her, in fact I feel partially responsible because I have not been putting much effort into our relationship for awhile. My wife and I are still on good terms.

Anyway, I'm not sure whether I made the right decision by leaving and am going back and forth about it in my head. She’s still seeing this guy (I did not object since I left). I’m pretty sure I could get him out of the picture if I rededicated myself to her, but I'm not sure if I should/want to. Basically, I'm just not as into her as I used to be and haven’t been for a while. I feel really guilty about this. I made a life-long commitment to her. I mean I still have fun with her and I am still attracted to her but there's just no excitement for me. The thought of being single again, especially with all of the tools available in the seduction community is very exciting to me, especially since I didn't know about the seduction community when I was single. I was only 21 when we started seeing each other exclusively (I’m now 30) and I am realizing that I have a lot of wild oats that I have never sown. I’ve been studying the pickup arts recently and I’m always thinking about sarging and having sex with lots of different girls.

We don't have any kids. She wants kids but I just can't get excited about having kids. We have a lot of different interests and she wants to do stuff together a lot more than I do. She has been a great wife and went seven years without cheating on me (btw, I have never cheated on her). Sometimes I think I’m using her cheating as an excuse to give up. I don’t even feel hurt by the cheating which is pretty cold. If she cheated 2 years ago I would have been devastated. I don’t know. Anyone have any thoughts or advice that may help me make a decision? Thanks.

Dude, get real: this woman cheated on you with another man. The relationship is over whether you stay married or not. Even if you somehow find it in yourself to forgive her, you'll still never completely trust her again, which will ultimately push the two of you apart again, and it will probably get a lot more messy than it is right now.

This is obviously your decision in the end, but keep in mind what you would be subcommunicating by staying with her: "It doesn't matter what you do, even if you betray my trust in the most despicable way possible, I'll still be with you."

I know what I'd do.

Your boy,
870

P.S. I didn't even notice the part about how you're not hurt about the cheating until I'd already posted. That's even more evidence that you do NOT need to be in this relationship. It's over.

_________________
"Do not blame, call out, alpha male, superman, or water sprinkle any hoes. And what will be, will be." -Hobbit

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This is a serious problem since I've never been married I dont know what I would have done. Its difficult to put yourself in someone elses shoes especially when the emotions are not involved (i.e. I dont feel what you are feeling) But lets try give it shot.


She must have been out of love with you for over 2 yrs its just that she cheated on you 8mths back.
Thats a problem again. If you have no fights no arguments and no difference of opinion than thats a red flag in a relation.
A woman with integrity NEVER CHEATS, SHE WOULD DIVORCE YOU AND THEN FIND SOMEONE ELSE BUT SHE WOULD NEVER CHEAT PERIOD. You probably lost out on triggering the right emotions in her but dont hold yourself comepletely responsible for her failure to keep upto the commitment. YOU DIDNT CHEAT ALthough you were loosing feelings for her.



DO NOT make reasons or justify her behavior.
Ofcourse she is not in bad terms with you because she is the one who cheated. The Guilt.
No you dont want to because once they cheat you can never trust them again. Do you want to leave home for work and worry that your wife might be at home banging someone in your bed while you are working 8-10hrs trying to earn a life and a living. Do you want your kids to be raised by a lady who cheats. Your Choice
So why are you confused. You are not into her, she cheated on you, disrespecting the institution of marriage.



I hear ya.
This is where you are wrong. Dont get out of a relationship just because you can use these 'new tools' to sleep with multiple women. You must believe me when I say this that most mPUAs and others in here are in this community to find the 'one girl' that they would like to commit to.


Thats not an excuse thats a damn good reason. What do you want her to do, cut you into pieces for you to realise that she doesnt love you and doesnt want to be with you.
Wow !! looks like you dont care and you have moved on and distanced yourself already.

Mate, its your decision and no one can tell you what to do but here are my pointers:

1) A woman would integrity never cheats
2) Marriage and relationship are ment to get a little boaring after a while but thats when you work on them and do things differently to rekindle the relationship.
3) Do not make excuses for your wife's cheating.
4)If she cheated once she would cheat again, its like a tigeress tasting blood.
5) Do not use the seduction community and all the tools that you have as an excuse for not wanting to be in a monogomous relationship

6) She must have grown out of love long time back but cheated just 8 months back.

Your choice, I'm just trying to see her behaviour from my eyes. MPUAs kindly help.

From what I’m hearing, it sounds like you guys think that once a woman cheats, you should break it off with her no matter what the circumstances. What about forgiveness, for better or for worse, till death do us part, etc? Maybe this is my problem; I take these commitments seriously and was never planning on getting a divorce. Also, she's my best friend who I've invested eight years into.

As far as, “a woman with integrity NEVER CHEATS.” You're giving women too much credit. What if this dude is an mPUA, hell what if this guy is Mystery himself (he’s not). What I'm trying to say is everyone gives into temptation sometimes and with all these new pick up artists who know how to “push all the right buttons” running around with all of their new skills, the temptation is getting greater than ever for women in LTR’s and marriages. She was faithful for seven years (she’s hot and has turned down other opportunities to cheat), doesn't that count for something?

Also, let me clarify a few things:
-Of course we have some arguments, just not that many.
-She still loves me and is struggling with this decision as well.
-If I do decide to stay separated then yes, I plan on being single for awhile and hooking up with lots of different girls. However, I in no way have intentions of leading girls on and hurting them, sleeping with girls who have “serious” boyfriends, etc.

Thanks for all the input guys. I'm just trying to work through this and make the best decision for both of us.

You can do whatever you want. BUT Fuck Mystery. Fuck all the mPUAs. there are videos in here where Mystery has been gaming a girl who is engaged and then after a while she just leaves him and goes back to her fiance. You havent been around as much as most of us have. No pun intended. David D, another seductiona dn dating 'guru' has stories where he would be talking to the married women etc etc.. and then they would just walk away despite all the 'right buttons' being pushed.

She could be attracted to someone but acting on that attraction is another thing. The moment he slept with someone else, she was willing to risk all those 8 years that she had with you, she was ready to throw all that away.

AND YES, WOMEN WITH INTERIGY NEVER CHEAT, IT IS OUT OF THEIR REALITY. Whether or not you are willing to accept this. ASK any female PUAs in here. But again, No one can make this decision for you and hence I'll leave your post on this last note.

One last thing. Being promiscuous is different than cheating. mPUAs like Sinn refuse to get into a relationship because they know that they are not ready to get exclusive with one girl and cheating on another person is not acceptable to them.

One of the things that PUAs have is what we call 'managing expectations' which is basically being upfront to the girl that she is a f-buddy, or a MLTR etc.. A PUA doesnt trick/cheat a girl into sleeping with him and he too makes sure that she understands that he is not going to be exclusive with the girl.

Forgiving someone and understanding their point of view is different than respecting that person and accepting them back in your life. Its how you want to be treated. YOU have history with your wife and hence its again your choice. Either ways we support and respect your decision and would be around if you need any advise or would like to talk.

Perhaps I'm not the best person to give advice on this particular subject since I don't believe in marriage as an institution, but I do know about serious relationships, and the dynamic should never change just because you signed a piece of paper and wear a ring. When it comes to your own personal health, sanity, dignity and long-term well-being, a man must always maintain the willingness to walk away. Without that, you are essentially giving her carte blanche to walk all over you--and like I have said many times in the past, if you let people walk all over you, they will.

You may have taken your vows seriously, as well you should have, but it is obvious that she did not possess the same moral fortitude.
Nobody ever said a woman of integrity never feels attraction. The question is whether or not she chooses to act on it. One of my good friends is in a serious relationship with a girl right now. Is she attracted to me? Of course, I'm the same awesome guy to her I am to every other woman. But I have been alone with her (including in my house) on multiple occasions where it would have been easy for her to come on to me, yet I never got the slightest hint of a sexual vibe from her any of those times. That is how a woman of integrity acts.

People are always going to be who they are, and making excuses for bad behavior is never going to help you change it.

Your boy,
870

_________________
"Do not blame, call out, alpha male, superman, or water sprinkle any hoes. And what will be, will be." -Hobbit

http://tinyurl.com/c6lbje<-Member Journal (PMZ Only)

Good points guys. I’m thinking more and more that I've made the right decision.

Now I'm wondering when I should tell girls that I’m sarging that I'm married (but separated), and how I should explain my situation to them without making either me or my wife look bad. I don't want to go around badmouthing my wife and I'd rather not mention the cheating. She knows she messed up, there's no need for me to go tell the world about it.

Also, given my new goals (sex with lots of different women, flings with cool girls, maybe even some mltr’s, but definitely no monogamy), what trainers should I be studying? Like my sig says, I'm currently studying Gunwitch and Franco, and it sounds like I should look into Sinn. Who else would be appropriate for me?

@R.Swerve

I can not otherwise than agree with 870 and Marc. As one of them already said, it may be easy for us talk as we are not emotianally involved (and you are), but nonetheless I believe a cheating women is not to be forgiven. Again, you are the one who will make the decision, just as you are the one who will deal with the consequences.

As far the material is concerned, you may start with Mystery, Neil Strauss and David Deangelo. I found these very thorough and easy to read and understand.

--> Mystery Method, The Game, Double Your Dating and Attraction is not a Choice

Good luck.

I agree with alot being said here and you seem to be on the right track.

I think alot of us, men, have been here once before so I speak from experience: never ever look back. She is absolutely no good. Sorry but any woman who does 8 months like that is just low-quality. One night/cheat might be forgivable if a woman feels enormous guilt. Carrying on that long is very bad

There are no excuses for her behavior. Your lack of effort is no excuse for her doing anything. In fact, most great relationships I have been in, my lack of effort helped keep the women more committed and it strengthened the relationship. Alot of women love challenges and aloofness.

If you had cheated and she was doing a revenge cheat, I could maybe very slightly see why you were complementing staying with her.

Otherwise, forget it: please cut her off completely and ignore her calls/texts. You could likely get a chance to enjoy the dimantling of her current relationship and her groveling to get back with you, which is the sweet revenge you very much deserve.

The good news is this - you are 30 and you have no kids.

Believe me, you are in 30 times better position than her. If its one thing men have, it is the age factor as far as the dating pool. In some ways, we age like wine.

Go out, party and pick up. You will forget about her in time. Every month will get better and better.

But please, also lose any of that beta-male thoughts you might have creeping in your head. Her behavior is inexcusable.