So me (aged 19) and my ex (16) broke up a good month ago, maybe two. Prior to that our relationship, which was of a long distance nature, went on for some three months. I went to see her a couple of times, she went to see me a couple of times. And when I say "see" I mean we were in the host's respected room and hardly left it, due to the euphoria that ensued because we were actually together, which led to some rough sex or just mere roughness, which is what she allegedly is into and I don't mind it either. But of course not everything went so smoothly on, which is why I'm writing this.

We started to have some problems, with her being very horny and afraid of dulling her sex life and me being too passive. Next thing to happen was her mother wanting to kick her out the house, resulting in her moving to her dads, rendering our the distance of our relationship too long to relate. She always wanted to move out, but the housing complex (which was plan A) for social problems told her they were full. Until now, she didn't move anywhere, though.

After she was confronted with what seemed to be the fact that she'll live with her father and not in the place where we would actually be together she told me that she has to love herself more than me and that there are to many other problem, like communication deficit etc. and dumped me, though she noted she likes/cares for me very much and would like to stay in contact (eg. friends). This didn't really break me or anything, even though I though it would when it would happen, because she is the only person I've ever gave a shit for.

After the break-up I went to her place, where she offered me a kiss once, but I playingly and utmost idiotically dodged and made her kiss my chin while she was lying on my lap in a group of her friends. That was the first mistake. In later days (I was there for a few) we engaged in roughness, mostly biting or were just bored or she was annoyed because she couldn't escape my presence since her unemployed mom's flat is very small. At one point we were watching a movie that made she scared or she made it appear as if she were scared and she said i'll be sleeping in her bed (as i did both nights prior to that, even though she was complaining about being claustrophobic), because she was scared. I don't know what came over me that night but I started touching her, but nothing hardcore, while she was just silent all the time, not moving at all, as if she were sleeping. Stupid shit, I know; but fuck now it behind...

The next day she confronted me with this and wanted an explanation, i told her that I was just a horny idiot that night. Which was as true as it could be, because I didn't have an explanation for myself either. After that I spent one night on the floor beside her bed and then went home. We then had some phone calls on how we were doing and how we miss each other and some IM talks where she would appear very cold.

Today she said she's coming to visit in a few days if she may and I said she could. She jokingly said I'll sleep on the sofa and we talked for a few hours and still are. I told her of some failed relationship attempts I've had and she said she's 99% she'll be moving in that housing complex after all and that she'll be single for a minimum of 2 months, since then she'll be living there and have met enough people and told me I'll be single for 3, because at that time I'll move into the same city since my university is located there.

So here's the story. I still want her back, but fucked up pretty much, I'm sure there are tons of textbook mistakes in the story, but I never really put much thought in the game, which is why I'm seeking council. If any further information is required I'd be happy to provide. She's coming to visit in a few days, so a sense of urgency is at hand. Thanks for reading and helping, if you choose to do so.

IMO, cancel on her, don't let her visit. Tell her you still like her and you guys can't be friends because you need some time first, but later you can. Follow this with no contact for a month. This means don't contact her. If she contacts you, don't talk about the relationship, and keep it short. The way to get girls back is by not friending them. Being friends right away after a break up helps them get over you and not with getting her back.

Again, this is just my opinion.

Are there other ways for me not to be a friend and still allowing her to come? Granted I'd give her some control of the relationship, if I allow her to come when she wants to, but I can't bring myself to leave her by her poisonous witch mother any longer than necessary. So you see I don't disagree with you, it's just that I want to take her away from her home, because I care about her and it's not healthy for her to stay at her mom's place any longer. This and me missing her, make me, while to some extend in agreement, in conflict with your advice. But, if there's no other way, I'll cancel this shit.

Basically, you would have to go out and do your own thing without her while she stayed at your house, and almost never speak to her, but you have to tell her why before hand. "I care about you still so I wanted you out of that environment, but I can't be friends right now because I still have feelings ect..., so I hope you understand that you should just use my place to crash." Or something along those lines would be sufficient.

That's the only way I would see it working if it did. Basically her staying at your house as a friend is only ruining your chances. However; if you feel that being a friend and helping her through a bad situation is more important, be there as a friend.