Hi,

Need some help with a problem I have at the moment.

Been seeing someone from work for 2 months. All going along nicely, relaxed & nothing too serious but then in the last month it stepped up a notch. She was asking for, and wanting a serious r'ship & I was trying to avoid that. After an argument over my seemingly low level of interest I decided to see where it could go if I invested more and now I REALLY like the girl. Long story short, in the last month I have developed ridiculously strong feelings for her.

Last week she dropped the bombshell that suddenly she isnt interested in being in a r'ship at all and in fact wants to be single. She is 12mths out of a 7yr r'ship and says she is struggling to get over that but also that she wants the freedom to do what she wants (ie hang out with her single friends & I guess not have to worry what her bf would think but also potentially date other guys). She is confused about what she wants, as she wants to still have me in her life, ie if we're alone she still wants to hug & kiss etc, but also the freedom to do as she pleases. She seems fearful of commitment all of a sudden (I'm not sure why) & has said that she doesnt want to hurt me but if we stay together then that is going to happen.

One fear I have is that for a few days I was desperate to keep her and came up with reasons why we shouldnt take time apart & that I was happy for her to do her own thing but that we should still stay together. By doing this I think have given up the "Alpha" position & may not be able to get it back and therefore ruined the chances of what may happen in the future.

Anyway, this is obviously difficult as we are in the same office, but would really appreciate anyones thoughts on what to do. I am of the opinion that giving time and space gives me my best chance but am wondering anyones thoughts on how to go about it without coming off cold & nasty. She is working in an overseas office for the next 2 months which makes things easier, but there is still an internal chat system which we could use to stay in contact. In the meantime my plan is to get fit, healthy, restock the wardrobe & be seen to be moving forward with my life.

Any advice is greatly appreciated

This is a case of oneitis if you had pretended it didn't really matter then i bet the situation would have been different. She wants a man who can take control and has a mind of his own. She wants a man with feelings.

Once you start showing that then you are back in the ring

Last week she dropped the bombshell that suddenly she isnt interested in being in a r'ship at all and in fact wants to be single

Notice how this happened AFTER you starting falling for her? You should make a mental note of that.

She is confused about what she wants, as she wants to still have me in her life, ie if we're alone she still wants to hug & kiss etc, but also the freedom to do as she pleases.

Bullsh*t, she knows EXACTLY what she wants, don't fall for that line. She wants to have her cake and eat it to. My approach would be 'cool, that sounds like fun. We can see other people and still be intimate with each other.' This will throw her off track completely.

One fear I have is that for a few days I was desperate to keep her and came up with reasons why we shouldnt take time apart & that I was happy for her to do her own thing but that we should still stay together. By doing this I think have given up the "Alpha

You THINK that gave up the Alpha? You did bro, sorry.

but am wondering anyones thoughts on how to go about it without coming off cold & nasty.

Don't worry about coming off cold & nasty, she isn't the fragile little flower that you think she is. Guys always make the mistake of walking on egg shells around women. Be a man, stick to your plan and have fun.

_________________
Keep people off-balance and in the dark by never revealing the purpose behind your actions. - Robert Greene