Hi,

my gf basically has high self esteem and high sex drive - but she has trouble with starting kino in a sexual way. She told me that shes insecure because her ex-bfs always demanded her to "stop groping". I told her I love being groped by her but she cant help her about being afraid of rejection.
It's perfectly ok for me to be the more active part but I wish she would be a bit less passive.
Furtermore she fails to interpret my intentions when I try to arouse her. She just doesnt stop asking me "What are you gonna do? Do you want to f*** me? Didnt you say youd want to sleep/watch tv/whatever a moment ago?" That turns me off. Its just too much work for the fun.
Tell me, what can I do about this? How can I take her insecurity away without getting turned off?

Freez-outs. I never had this situation before but you need to build it up in a cuddeling sort of way - dont touch the sensitive spots first thing. Holed her had and then storke it and then pull her closer to you and so on. Dont go straight for the tits or "anything else". And as soon as she says " Do you wanna f**k me" let go - move away from her. Not with an angry face or anythign - just let her go and sit up - check your email if you want to. She should come crawling back - then you kino build up again. Keep dfoing this until she does eventually let you in. Am sure you kno about freez-outs before but the important thing is to make sure you build up in a non-sexual way first, and this is what they fear losing - the non-sexual aspects of the relationship. Sex is easy to get for a woman.

Mh, I tried this a few times. It ended with very bad vibes... one time it became very harsh:

She lays in my arms. My hands are wandering on her body. We kiss. I touch her between her legs.
She: "Do you want to f***? What are you gonna do?"
Me: "Nothing special. I just enjoyed to touch you." smile, reduce kino.
She stares at me. after a while: "Will you answer me? Did you want to f*** me?"
Me: "I already have answered your question. May be I wanted to f*** you, may be not. Now I definitively dont want to." move away.
She: "Why not? Whats wrong?"
Me: "You ask stupid questions and that turns me off"
She begins to cry. After a while: "Its not my fault that you are so hyper-intelligent! (<- compliment or not? no idea...) I cant read other peoples body language or look in your mind. I cant know what you want or what you dont want! I'm stupid and cant help it. You should get a better girl than me." tears running.
Me: standing up, dressing on. "Whatever you say."
She: "No, dont drive home! I'm sorry! Please stay! I need you! Please!"
Me: sitting down on her bed. "I dont think you are stupid. I just hate drama..."
She: "I just wanted to know if you wanted to f*** or not... I'm insecure when you touch me because my ex-bfs blah blah (as above)"

I believe her. She really suffers in those moments. Its much harder for her than it is for me.

You ever tried saying "Yh I do..."?

Ok Im not sure if you are aware, but you are sending her mixed signals. I will agree that she sounds insecure, but you can't just expect her to clue up with mixed signals. You obviously wanted to escalate and have sex with her. When she asked you (whether you like that question or not)...you said, oh nothing special. You just wanted to touch her. So she thought you meant "no" you didn't want to have sex. Her questions may just be rhetorical questions...maybe that is her form of dirty talk because she doesnt know what else to say. But your actions were saying"lets have sex" but your words said "no." No wonder that poor girl is confused. So if you want to have sex with her then have sex with her, don't lead her to believe you do and then try and act all coy with "oh maybe i do maybe i don't"...being coy like that only works when you arent in a relationship yet, you know, when you arent sure if someone likes you yet or not.