So I have this gf for a bit over 5 months. We are both in love and we will be graduating from college in two days. We will be working in different cities, about an hour apart by plane. We agreed to try the long distance thing and would see if it would work, but I always noticed this sense of doubt she had. This finally came out today when we had a “talk”. She started the conversation by saying that we should both acknowledge the possibility that we could break up. I did not think too much of this, but it was a bit strange to me. This situation was terrible for me because she took all the power. She explained how she knew I would never cheat, but she wasn’t so sure about herself. She said she would never cheat physically, but might do it emotionally because she is naturally flirty. Basically, I felt that she was indicating that I probably loved her more than she loved me. Or that she was afraid that we would become different people and that we were still in the infatuation stage and this would be our first test. This was a terrible feeling for me and that’s why I am still unable to fall asleep at 3:20 am. I didn't know how to react so I just played it cool and said its ok not to know whats coming later in life.

It is probably my fault because I pamper her too much and I probably act too needy, but its difficult when I only know that we only have 5 months left of college together…I have never felt this way about someone else. I feel that she has all the power now and I have no idea what I can do in this situation. Part of me wants to break up with her now because I feel inadequate. If you really love someone, can you really think about cheating on them?? Or maybe its good that we can talk about stuff like this. It really pains me to feel that I invest more and love her more than she does about me. There is always the possibility of breaking up in long-term relationships, but I don’t tell her that I “may” cheat on her! I am feeling crazy and lost over here so I wanted to get some help. What can I do? Thanks for the help in advances guys

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Rise up, rise up, rise up

Its not about how you fall...its about how you pick yourself up after you've fallen

nothing in this world thats worth having comes easy

It kinda sounds like she trying to be realistic...

A relationship where is takes alot fo time and money to be able to see eachother will constantly be understrain, especially if its an exclusive LTR, its really hard to move from being that close, to being far apart.

I think her concerns are out of genuine emotional bonds with u, thats why she actually pre-warning you rather than just "deal with it at the time". She doesnt want to hurt u but shes mature enough to see the strain your relationship will be under.

You need to assess if she is "the one" if it would be worth every upset, dissapointment and uphill battle?

I have a friend in the same boat as u sort of, but he finished uni and she is still there... for 2 years he's been torn appart holding out for when they can finally be together, it killls him, temptation is a mofucker for him but he's got it in his head that that girl is the one so he will do everything it takes...

I like his dedication, if the girl really the one then it will work out, these things always do.

There will be ways to "play" this situation, but I would rather you just be honest with urself and with her and u resolve this sticking point maturely.

Emotions run riot but logic has a hard time directing it some times....

The one thing I want to point out is that your GF didnt say she mite cheat on u physcially !!!! for me there is no other type of cheating, mentally girls shud be 100% about their man, mine is, Id be more concerned about the pyhsical cheating she said she isnt going to do....

How do u mentally cheat neway? seems bit weird... lol

So she's basically telling you after yall move from one another she will be seeing other people. What don't you get here?!?

Here's the part you probably already know and don't want to hear. If it hasn't happened already end it with this girl. After only 5 months and her comments its pretty obvious that your relationship isn't strong enough to last. Do yourself and herself a big favor and end it as cleanly and as nicely as possible. I've experienced 2 of these exclusive long distance relationship and they don't work for me at least. It's extremely hard and if anyone has one that did work I'd like to hear about it.

Finally, at least you acknowledged your faults in the realtionship. Thats a lot more than a lot of the guys on this board do. Use this relationship as an example of what to do and not to do. Apply what you learned to make you next realtionship that much better. Take care.

UPDATE: Good news- she knew something was bothering me so we had a meaningful and emotional talk today. I basically told her how I felt-- that I was not sure that she loved me the same as I loved her, how could she think of cheating on me emotionally, etc. She explained that not what she meant. She was being realistic and is really scared at what the future is going to bring. She also said she was 100% committed to me and even felt that at times I didn't love her as much as she loved me. I guess its difficult because we spent so much time together that this summer and the future is going to be extremely hard on both of us. I see where she is coming from but she has more experience in relationships and its taking me a bit longer to come to terms with it, but I hope I can.

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Rise up, rise up, rise up

Its not about how you fall...its about how you pick yourself up after you've fallen

nothing in this world thats worth having comes easy

careful there man, it doesnt mean you're in the clear yet. i dont know if you saw my thread, but i just went through something nearly identical. i loved her, but i always had a feeling she loved me more than i did of her. we talked nearly everyday and always sent eachother messages while i was away halfway across the world. i thought my love was strong enough to stop me from cheating, but accidents do happen and i was totally happy with what i had did and owned up to everything.

anywho, people can change very subtly, and with the absence of physically being there, feelings can fade. im not saying this will happen, but like yourself, i wouldnt have been able to picture it happening to myself right now. just keep your gaurd up a bit i guess and really consider if its worth the stress and struggle to maintain a LDR, or would it be convinient and more fun to restart the hunt.

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When Life Gives You Lemons, You Paint That Shit Gold

Thanks for all of the replies so far guys, I really appreciate them all and I have read through them. I know I need to be stronger and be ready to come to terms with whatever comes my way. Its more difficult because I am quite sensitive and emotional, even more than my gf. She is my first, and there is never anyone else who is going to be my first again. All of this, added with the stress of leaving college to find a job, has made it a difficult couple of days for me. I will do some soul searching in the next few days and I hope I am strong enough with whatever the future holds. Wish me luck!

_________________
Rise up, rise up, rise up

Its not about how you fall...its about how you pick yourself up after you've fallen

nothing in this world thats worth having comes easy