I kind of wish they made manuals for relationships like they did for PU. Since it’s my first real LTR, I’m experiencing emotions I never felt before and problems I don’t know the answers to. It’s an amazing and scary time in my life. I’ve been dating my gf for 4 months now, and there are def a lot of things going on in my head:

1. I used to not think anything of it, but today I think I was visibly angry. My gf didn’t have money in her wallet AGAIN…I know she is not rich, but she honestly never carries enough cash on her. I get tired of paying for stuff all the time and trying to remember how much she owes me bc she says she will pay me back. New thoughts start pouring into my head—like the fact that she might just be using me for my money. I know this is stupid bc I know she really does love me, but I just cant help it. I’m scared that these self-destructive thoughts will push me over the edge and sabotage the relationship. She even asked me if anything was wrong, but I said I was fine. Do you think this is something that I should talk to her about, or maybe its just my own problem I need to deal with?

2. Sometimes I feel like I am putting more into this relationship than her. I feel strange in saying this but I think relationships are about balance—if you do stuff for your gf, she should want to do things for you at some point. What happens when you feel you are putting more into the relationship than your gf? I think this problem stems from my actions not being reciprocated. Heres an example: Last night we were at a cocktail party but at some point we were both buzzed and had some “fun” in the bathroom. She was also about having sex at that point but we couldn’t bc we were at a friends house. An hour later at my place I tried to bring that back up, but she wasn’t that into my sexual advances. I didn’t know what to think of this and I couldn’t help but feel somewhat let down.

3. Jealously is a real #@$%#. Im scared of being "the jealous" boyfriend so I do everything I can to not be. But it still kills me inside when she talks about her ex's, previous guys she hooked up with when we happen to see them. She tells me she can tell me because I am her best friend and that she can safely share this info with me. I know its special to have that but I really dont like listening to a the story of how she used hook up with a guy in a dam closet!!! Is there anything I can do about this but not lose this level of intimacy we have achieved? I know I shouldn't act this way, but I just cant help it :/

4. I am a romantic at heart, but my gf admits that she is not. When I plan some amazing surprise I expect her to be more thankful/appreciative than she is. I know I shouldn’t, but I think I might have the problem of expecting too much from her.

I feel I should be able to tell her all these problems I have, but I still don't want to because im afriad it will end up making things worse. Thats why I am here asking you guys who have advice on this or who have experienced something similar. I think this is first real issues I’ve had in this relationship since it began 4 months ago. The initial stages of crazy love and infatuation are beginning to wane, but that’s normal I guess. I honestly don’t know how things are going to turn out because we will both be graduating from university in 1 month. We will most likely be 1 hour away by plane, but we said a while ago that we would cross that bridge when we got to it (although its assumed that we will stay together). I do love her and at times when she does not reciprocate things I feel she doesn’t love me. Is it stupid? Maybe im expecting way too much, but I don’t really know how to feel or think anymore…relationships are confusing Thanks in advance for the help!

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Rise up, rise up, rise up

Its not about how you fall...its about how you pick yourself up after you've fallen

nothing in this world thats worth having comes easy

hey risen, ive been in about 3-4 relationships so i might be able to help you out a bit, relationships are alot harder than pickup. You have to first clear your head, remember your the driver controlling your emotions, and dont let your emotions take control of you, thats a recipe for disaster man, you gotta learn to get a handle on your emotions, self affirm to yourself and say it loud, "I AM IN CONTROL, I AM THE BOSS, YOU DO WHAT I SAY" kind of thing you know what i mean.

1. For the money part, just be cocky funny with it, and youll help get over being angry about it at the same time, and she'll realize that next time she should carry cash with her, "you gold digger, thats it, now im gonna now be the stay at home dad while you do all the work and i spend all your cash muahaha" , you could come up wit somethin better im sure, and its only been 4 months dude, stop sweating it so much, these are the early stages of the relationship and you dont need to be going out and spending money on dinners etc. go for walks etc. she wont care if you ate at mcdonalds as long as shes with you and you make it fun, like "lets go on an adventure" type thing.

2. the balance thing poses problems, because later down on the road, one of you is gonna want the power of the relationship and want the ball in their court, most likely if you keep that up its gonna be her steering into the direction you dont want it to go, you need to stay in control, and If you do stuff for your girlfriend, you shouldn't expect anything back, thats romance, but if you do it many times, she will prolly not be so appreciative about it cause it wont be considered "Special" to her, remember AWARD good behavior, if she doesnt show you appreciation dont do it for her, than she'll remember on her own, "awe i miss that" and she'll start being really into you, craving those romantic things you used to do for her, wondering when your gonna do it next time, than boom out of no where you give it, she'll love you for that. And dude dont feel let down if she didnt want to have sex when you brought her to your place, here ill give you a funny story, and itll make you feel alot better... I had this girl all horny and ready to bang her self on the phone and than i had to go take a piss and than when i got back on the phone she fell asleep, this was like 4 years ago, it cracks me up, if she didnt feel like having sex at that time, who cares man, its not your fault, she wasnt feelin it that time.

3. when she talks about her ex's and previous guys, just try avoiding it altogether, shes testin to see if you do get jealous, just have this in your mind "haha what losers, they prolly afcd themselves out of the relationship, no guy is gonna ever make her feel the way i do" ... someone can help you out more on this situation, and just joke around and not take it seriously on listening to her about her ex's

4. i had the same problem, this girl i was wit said the same thing, and i am romantic at heart as well. She wasn't really showing appreciation either, and i expected it out of her, thats where i went wrong, she said i expected too much out of her,like i said before, dont expect it, but remind her of her capabilities and her potential, just do it out of love, and only sometimes, than she'll be appreciative. Dont seek an outcome remember!!

no dude, just leave it, dont tell her these problems, your just letting your thoughts and emotions get to you, if anything comes up in your head that is negative, just laugh and say ahhaha ima real man, fuck all this afc bullshit",

live in the present dont worry about if you'll still be with this girl in the future, be prepared to let her go, if it ever comes to any girl, be prepared cause it will crush you dude, if you keep it like how it was at the beginning of when u met her, things will go awesome, you gonna let her change you? HELL NO MAN! your in control of your reality bring her into yours, she can try whatever shes likes to break you, nothing will fade you, your the most charismatic sexiest confident romantic guy alive just keep that in your mind, and ull be good

All of these problems boil down to a similar underlying theme which you touched on in your closing paragraph. You give love in your relationship not because you have a lot of love to give and want to shower your one special girl with it, but because you expect a certain amount of reciprocity from her. You give because you want to receive, which is about as wrong of a reason as you can possibly have for giving.

There is a very Zen quality to dating, seduction, and relationships alike. If you go around looking for something (validation, attention, respect, etc.) you will never find it.

Imagine a relationship where you gave freely to your partner simply because you wanted to and expected nothing in return, with no fear of her "using" you for whatever emotional or physical connection you have to offer. Imagine a relationship where the only expected reward for your romantic attentions was the gratification you get from giving them to her--and where that gratification was so great it overpowered any desire for validation or reciprocation.

Sounds pretty great, huh?

Well the great thing is you have the ability to be in that relationship right now. All you have to do is choose to do it Let go of your desire for her appreciation, and you may just get the praise you want so badly. Even if you don't, at the very least you'll be free of the weight that desire has put on your heart. It's win-win.

And it all starts with you.

Your boy,
870

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thanks a lot mackattack for taking the time to address each problem I listed. The stuff you said was what I needed to hear! Thanks to 820 too for that advice. I will def try to take it easier and not overthink things

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Rise up, rise up, rise up

Its not about how you fall...its about how you pick yourself up after you've fallen

nothing in this world thats worth having comes easy