Hey guys, this is something that has been on my mind for a long time. Today has been 4 months of being in a relationship. This may be long, but i'll try to chunk my thoughts.

Before i had a gf, i felt a lot more confident, outspoken, opinionated, loved learning about psychology, really observing cause and effects in how people behave, more caveman(sexual, includes innuendos, jokes, kino), basically i feel as though i walked with a purpose. Or at least more so then now a days.

Is it possible that because i'm not approaching girls, putting myself in new situations, that my comfort zone is becoming smaller and smaller? I used to flaunt my sexuality in a lecture class of 100 people in terms of sexual questions relating to the topic matter, basically letting people know that i loved women. Now ....i actually have a feeling of "that's inappropriate" wtf is wrong with me?!

I used to LOVE conversation, and bringing all my knowledge to the table to turn a mundane conversation into quality. Now, if i learn something new, or read an interesting philosophy, i have no desire to express it or hear anyone else' view. What's going on with me? I'm conscious of this change of behavior, yet i feel that it's actual work to do something that i used to ENJOY. Reading has no longer become as fascinating to me, i still read a lot, but that's probably so i don't feel like a complete loser and at least keeping my mind busy.

Has anyone experienced such a drastic change such as this? Conversations are boring to me, i'm indifferent to everything. I don't feel suicidal at all, but this lack of passion for life is getting to me. Why don't i feel a strong desire to pound the shit out of my GF, devour a book, walk through my life without feeling as though i'm only going through the motions. I know it's good that i'm not sitting home watching tv and feeling sorry for myself, but i'd think our mindsets are similar to physiology.

Basically, if you're nervous, spread your body out, take deep breaths, smile, and your mindset of relaxation will soon follow. Using that comparison, why isn't my active lifestyle invoking the positive feelings that its supposed to? Exercise is said to heighten your sense of well-being, but i still feel like a blob of flesh.

Any insight will be greatly appreciated, thank you.

I definietly noticed a change when I was in a relationship, I think thats part of the reason it ended. I just wasn't the fun person I was when the relationship started. I let things get boring and got comfortable too soon. Better keep my game sharp right up until the end next time.

Yes, i am in the exact same shoes as you my friend. I have lost focus and have turned into a true AFC again.. FARK!!!

I have lost control on most aspects of my life and it is finally catching up with me. It even got to the point where we bought a car together.

Dont get me wrong, this girl is great (HB8.5) (the body is a 10) but i have later learnt that she has major issues and is in return ruining my life. I have tried to talk to her about it but she is really stubborn. I am leaning towards ending it, i know it will hurt and its not what i sub consciously want but it is the right thing to do if i want my happiness protected.

you've made her your world....

when what you actually should have done is either lived in two worlds that were conjoined, or brought her into your world.


you're not going out meeting new people, having new experiences, enjoying yourself, doing fun things....because you feel like you've got all that in the girlfriend. Now you have an excuse to be lazy. And I know a lot of people who don't like to be lazy but are because they can be.

Force yourself to get a new hobby (something different that you have never done, that DOESN'T include her). Force yourself to go out once a week and meet at least one new person.

If she's your world, you don't need anything. But if she is a world that is interested in you, you have to maintain that interest. And you won't maintain that interest by not having any value outside of it. Unfortunately thats how it goes.

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[color=red:7c51ae7520]email is a better option: thelockestar@gmail.com[/color:7c51ae7520][/size:7c51ae7520]

i donno if the "excuse to be lazy" is the real reason... there has to be a point in a relationship where you CAN be that way if you're ready to settle.

im only 23.. but i lived with one girl for 4 years (17 -21) and things went great until she found out i was cheating on her. and this was long before "the game" hit the shelves and all this stuff.. i was just being a bad guy to her.. i love her.. and i still do but she was 22 when i was 17 and as it progressed i did some shit that was bad......

how it pertains to you is... she never cheated on me.. she was interested until she found out. meaning 3 years... i was going to school at first once i graduated high school i got a crap tech support job after 6 months of her supporting us both... she was really trying..... granted i did go to the gym and out with my friends... but she didnt stray.. i did... (she checkdd my blackberrry once....in depth . this is how it started). but the point is she didnt get disinterested.. same with the girl i had after that.. we didnt live together but she wasnt straying.. tho we DID do extra currr acitivites together...ie. rock climbing.....

ill say this.. you DO revert back to AFC...in a relationship. at least with THAT girl......at the time.. and usually they enjoy that for awhile.. the "humbleness" is attractive.. if u hooked them by being the "jerk."

but the longe rur out the harder it is to get bak in. approach anxiety is the WORST. .. i found.. that where you used to not give a shit... now that youve been "settled" ... ur out of practice.. u feel weird approaching again. so definately u revert bak... its not difficult getting back into the swing. but its a barrier for sure.. and sometimes its daunting. but u either do it or chill and never do.. but.. it always starts by doing it.. like it did the first time... personally. i HATE starting over.. with any girl....

same things happened to me. I had to end things I didn't like the person I was turning into.

I miss her like hell though

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Blogs and summaries of everything I have learned and field tested.

i experience the same exact thing. i'm glad i'm not the only one.

you have to keep that inner AFC in check. don't try to stop it completely, just try to balance it out with PUA behavior.

if you are like me, then when you are single, you probably draw a lot of your motivation from this- i don't know how to explain, so lets call it an "arbitrary desire to impress". for example, when you are single, you do exciting things and stay in shape to impress yourself, your friends/family, and any girls you know or will meet. its almost as if, living this exciting life fills the void of not having a steady companion.

when you are in a relationship its tempting to let all that motivation fade away. in fact, i find that if i don't consciously try to maintain that motivation, it will slip away from me. This happened to me in a previous relationship when i lost all motivation and became the laziest AFC i've ever seen.

my advice is just to be consciously aware of this change (which you clearly are), and to take affirmative steps to balance it with proper behavior. It also helps to remember that your relationship could be temporary, and your gf might leave you or die tomorrow (however unlikely). this helps you realize that you have to do what makes you happy too, even if it might not be the best thing for your relationship. for example, if you don't have motivation to work out today, and you instead go over her place early to watch a movie... go over late next time, and make sure you DO workout.

you have to do this for your own self respect and sanity. but you also have to do this in order to maintain her attraction. i agree with locke that if you become too afc, lazy, and complacent, it will have disastrous effects on the relationship. she WILL lose attraction for you if you let all motivation ship away.

Dont worry to much about it.
When your in a set,
you'll know what to do...

Nino

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You miss one hundred percent of the shots you dont take.

The thing to remember is PUA techniques work on any woman at any time. Attraction is not a choice, it's a response. Your girlfriend will be more attracted to you if you're Alpha, unpredictable and independent.

One thing i discovered is that by not kissing my wife's ass all the time, she's become MUCH more attracted to me. It's odd but true. You'd think she'd be pissed, but acting independent, having my own intense interests and being surprising works well in LTR (that is, i call her up and say, guess what, we're going to a concert tonight. get your glad rags on. i don't ask her, i tell her).

Oh, and i don't return her phone messages very often now, just deleted ten of them.... winks....

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(¸.·´ (¸.·` The real voyage of discovery is not seeing new lands but finding new eyes. -Marcel Proust