Hey guys,

After practicing PU for the last several months I found a stunning and great girl who I am now dating. Im 21 and this is the first real gf i've had (ive been with other girls, but we never stated that we were gf and bf). We met only a few days before my 1 month-long winter break (which was quite painful!!) and hung out for 3 days straight. We talked at least every other day and im going to see her in 2 days.

Since alot of you are quite experienced, I thought this would be a great place to ask for some advice. She is more experienced than me because shes had at least 2-3 boyfriends before me so I am trying to be cautious about it.

I guess Im just asking for basic advice on relationship and how to transition from a pua mindset to a real relationship mindset because I never had to do it before. A few questions include: I always enjoy meeting new women, so should I keep my gf a bit jealous to show that I still attractive to other women? What if I get jealous if she hangs out with an ex or something like that? Should I still occasionaly not respond to some texts to keep her guessing as to what im doing?...etc

Haha this is prob not the best place for these questions, but I didnt know where else to turn! Thanks for the help guys, this community has def changed my life.

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Rise up, rise up, rise up

Its not about how you fall...its about how you pick yourself up after you've fallen

nothing in this world thats worth having comes easy

Pickup is not yet my area of expertise, but I may be able to offer you some worthwhile insight into transitioning to a more relationship-oriented mindset.

This woman is your equal or, at least, if you're interested in a long-term relationship with her, she should be. Pickup gave you an advantage over her initially, but you have to give it up. An equal partnership won't succeed if you're keeping a secret that gives you power over her. If she doesn't already know how you won her affection, you are probably going to have to tell her. This is going to be hard.

That said, you probably shouldn't give up flirting with other women altogether. Don't take it too far, but keeping your sexy, confident social skills sharp will keep her attracted to you. After all, they're what attracted her in the first place! Don't let them atrophy.

Don't remain aloof from her. You can't be JUST the cool PUA who calls the shots. PUAs know how to attract women, but AFCs know how to endear them. Remain attractive, but be endearing. Give her gifts, do things for her, edify and validate her. The example I gave to another fellow asking a similar question is this: Plan to take her out for a night of hot dancing. Bring her a corsage, ramp up the social dominance at the club, but them come home and make her a warm snack before you go to bed with her. Alternate between being sexy and sweet. In the long-term both are called for.

this is the question we are all trying to answer in the relationships section of this forum. the bad news is that there is no real 100% effective answer yet. the good news is there is enough resources here to help dramatically increase your chances of making this thing last.

my advice:

remember the CONCEPTS behind the pickup theories, and adapt them to the relationship.

- don't be needy
- don't be insecure
- be (remain) attractive
- achieve (maintain) comfort

i've notice that being in a relationship is like pickup with a much larger margin for error. this means you can do afc things to make her more COMFORTABLE and you won't lose her, but doing it too much is obviously going to make her gradually lose whatever ATTRACTION she feels for you. at the same time, you are gonna notice that some of the things that made you ATTRACTIVE before the relationship, have distructive potential IN the relationshp (for example, pre selection triggers, being aloof, negging, etc.)

the solution i've come up with is: BALANCE

i hope this helps. try researching Onion Theory, Orbit Theory, and some of the other stuff Locke writes about.

You're right that there is no 100% effective answer yet, just like any pickup artist worth his salt will tell you that even the best will fail to close a pickup sometimes. I think that the approach you're describing, however, is too mechanical. The necessity of pickup is founded on two important observations: 1) Most women don't want what they say they want. They usually talk about the things that make the comfortable, but seldom about the things that they find attractive. Fortunately... 2) Most women actually want approximately the same things.

Once you're in a long-term relationship, you have an opportunity to correct the deviations in both of these observations for the specific woman that you're dating. Part of being a pickup artist is being a keen observer. Rather than rely on generalities, you can observe the specific kinds of behaviour that most attract and comfort your partner. The growing openness and honesty of a long-term relationship should make this easier. When you're picking up a girl, you can't exactly try something and ask "Do you like this?" Being in a LTR, but knowing pickup gives you the best of both worlds. You can ask "Do you like this?" and also observe her "real" response. If they're congruent, fabulous, you've learned something new about your partner. If they're not congruent, because you're her caring, trusted partner, you can actually point that out to her and then you've BOTH learned something new about your partner.

Insecurity and jealousy are the two things that can completely tear a relationship apart, remember that at all times.


That said; a TEENY TINY bit of jealousy on both sides helps keep the relationship fresh. Let your girlfriend hang out with her orbiters; hell, go with her to hang out and reap the benefits of all the free shit they give her. A relationship will never work if you're always being a player, so be players together

This is probably the best advice. You don't have to give up being a player altogether if you help your girlfriend learn to be a little bit of a player too. Tone down your game a little bit and raise hers up and then you'll both at the right balance of player/nice person so that you can both be sexy AND comfortable!

Thanks for the great help so far guys! I will def remember the info I read here. I got a follow up question now. Ive always been a romantic at heart and a very sweet guy (prob too much for my own good). I fear I might do a lot more in the relationship than I should but I cant help myself because when I really like someone I want spoil them. After spoiling a gf for a while im afraid it would drive them off because it gets boring or something like that. Is there any truth in this? Im not sure how to act, but I guess im just smitten right now in the beginning of the relationship

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Rise up, rise up, rise up

Its not about how you fall...its about how you pick yourself up after you've fallen

nothing in this world thats worth having comes easy

Ok now spoiling her works good until you spoil her wisely. I use cat string theory and I have to admit that it's very successful. Now the cat string theory refers to a cat because at this point woman is a bit similar to the cat. If u play around with the string move it, swirl it the cat's interested as long as you do it. When you put the string down or you play with cat too long she is no longer interested. The same with woman play with her but not too much. And another system I'm using is punishment and reward. I think there's no need to explain how it works.
Last advice from me is don't lose your confirence EVER. Without it no man can stand a chance against any woman.

The only effective answer is do what you feel, and leave your ego a-side.

Imagine PUA wouldnt exist. What would you do? You prbably would be in a relationship by now and a long one. Or maby not, but I have the idea that you MUST leave PUA stuff out of a relationship. PUA stuff = get pussy. Relationship = being a gentleman, love, care about the other person, forget ego and IM THE PRIZE shit. Noone is the prize. You both like each other, period. And the best way to LEARN in a relationship, is being yourself, and learning when you mess up. Whatever people tell you to do, will probably mess up AND you wont learn about YOUR mistakes. You will learn about someone elses mistakes, and that wont help you in the next relationship. So, dont listen to anyone, do what you feel in your heart. Thats all. You learn by yourself in a relationship. Just like in PUA stuff.

i disagree with the "leave PUA stuff at the door" mentality.

i was in a relationship when i was AFC a number of years ago, and i f'd it up because i became too insecure, needy, jealous, unmotivated, unfriendly, uncharming, poorly put together, lazy, etc.

after figuring out what works with pickup, i understood why my previous relationship failed. I now apply PUA concepts to my current relationship, and i see a major difference.

You gotta keep some aspects of being a PUA. When you get needy or in the mindset that this girl is the best you can ever do, things go badly. Remember, girls desire guys who are of high value. Continue to be fun and enjoyable just as you were when single, but just don't go out trying to pick up other chicks. As for spoiling her, like was stated earlier, don't overdo it. Surprising her from time occasionally with something nice is great, but if you do it too much, each subsequent surprise will be less and less special. As Tony Sinclair says, "Always in moderation." I have no doubt that you will be fine, though. Don't overthink things!

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Time to go to work...

Just got dumped by my very first gf. Similar situation to you as she had dated 3 other guys before me.

Know this, the relationship is likely to be more important to you than it would be to her. Try to make sure you dont invest too much into this relationship. Also, go out with friends and flirt around obviously making sure that word doesn't get to her.

Develop your pick-up skills you'll need them again whatever you might think now.

If your'e not flirting too seriously with the other girls, you should be able to handle it even if word DOES get back to her. Bring her in on a little of pickup theory and remind her that part of what makes you attractive to her is that other women want you. Reassure her that you're not going to DO anything with them but that flirting, for you, is the same as her doing her ab-workout videos twice a week (or whatever it is she does to keep in shape.)

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Some vices miss what is right because they are deficient, others because they are excessive, in feelings or in actions, while virtue finds and chooses the mean.
Aristotle, Ethica Nichomachea