Girlfriend:

Girl is a HB10, and 11 by her personality. Bust-your-balls attitude, funny, cultured, and incredibly mature for her age(we're 19). A certain beer company has signed her on to do modeling. She auditioned for Playboy but I'm not sure if it's finalized. She's a natural born PUA and since I've recently began to invest my time into the forum I've noticed that subconsciously she does everything that we aspire to do. I love the idea of having to outsmart this girl.

Situation:

Her and I dated for about 8 months. Fucking awesome. After our first year of college, this year, she decided she was going to move in with her sister and go to a completely different college for a semester or a year. I went up there for the summer with her, and as it's been stated we get lazy and comfortable. I did. I lost her respect and she didn't envy me, nor did she really want to have sex with me. Thank God she likes who I am as a person. We broke up and I've returned to college. She dated a guy and told me everything he was and what he did for her, and why she liked it so much. I'm convinced he's a PUA. Anyway, while gaming her on the phone(and I think it was due in part to the fact that I found another girl, fucked her, and then told my girlfriend about it) I some how got my girlfriend BACK and we're living 500 miles apart, and only communicate by phone. We text this week because she's in the Bahamas. Also, she's returning in December or April. (first semester or second semester)

Problem:

I want my power over this girl to return. As you guys have observed I'm an AFC big time.

Side Note: Since I obviously can't talk to the girl in person, this is entirely done by phone and by text. I've created a rule that if she doesn't reply after 3 text messages I don't say anything to her for the rest of the day to prevent looking needy. Do you think she's manipulating me with this?

My Efforts::

I've realized that C&F is a bad idea. I'm now just trying to subconsciously convince her that I chose her, that I decided to be with her. I'm calling her by names like little girl, girlie, baby girl, and etc. I'm confident with her on the phone, and I neg her here and there. She gives me good feedback, but it all seems futile. She is beyond anything I can think of.

Finally, a response. Thanks for the input. All advice will go into effect immediately. :p

yeah i agree with that 100%. Once in a while you can send 2 in a row, but you shouldn't do that unless it's absolutely necessary, or to revive a flake down the road.

Camouflage:

I really appreciate the way you broke down the situation. your post is very clear, concise, and easy to understand. Unfortunately i'm not sure how to advise you on getting back the ex for good. most of the time its not the best idea in the world. if you broke up, then it was for a reason. there are strategies for getting the ex back, but i'm not really sure about how they differ from regular pickup with new HB's. I would say to just game her like you would a new HB, but there may be some other things you should/should not do since she was your GF at one point. I'm just not sure what you need to do differently in that situation. hopefully someone else could chime in about what you need to do.

I do suggest you proceed with caution, because it seems like you had oneitus after the breakup. i'm not gonna criticize you for that, but i will say that it may contribute to irrationally feeling like you have to have this one HB, and no others will do.

Be careful when you say you want to get your power back over her. You're going to set yourself up for a huge dissapointment if you arent truly willing to lose her. By texting her 3 times following no response, your proving the contrary, that SHE has power over YOU.

Best of luck mate,

JB

_________________
"Who the f**k is Fanning?"

I'm winning the battle. All she needed was a little negging, push and pull, and DHV. Wonderful. :]

Camouflage how much longer will the two of you be physically apart? If you are not going to be with in physical contact within a month and stay in physical contact its best to find some other girl. Because long distance relationships never work out if they are over a month really.

I am working on something called the "orbiting theory"

it should NEVER be about power man. I disagree with the others. You should never have a power over another woman. And if you are in a relationship in which you love her, I personally believe it is doomed to fail if you are willing to "leave." That is an escape route, and an easy one that might prevent you from trying as hard as you should.

I mean, when I use the verb "try," I don't mean one sided try-hard. I mean, effort. Effort is essential in a relationship. Willingness to leave should only occur after you have extinguished every other option. But yes, it should be there. No, it should not be used for power.

I appreciate what you mean Hobbit, but reducing your emotional investment to a point where you can reframe in that manner....that is not healthy. The proper way is just through communication. Everyone forgets - you don't have to be as tricky or subtle in a relationship. The girl is invested in you and you in her. By verbally communicating, you will address the problem. You will work things out. And even better, is now since it is KNOWN, it won't revert; you won't have to have that issue again (obviously, if resolved.) It won't happen over night but it is something the two of you can work on.

Back to the "orbiting theory." I am going to be posting it soon, but basically it means not to revolve around her. And make sure she doesn't revolve around you. When you start to focus on her more, then you will in turn, invest more. Then the emotional building (onion theory) will be uneven. You will FEEL like you have lost power.

It isn't power that you are losing. It's confusion you are creating in yourself. She doesn't have a power over you. You have an investment into her; since that investment isn't returned in the same depth and extreme, it feels like you are losing control.

It isn't easy to just remove yourself emotionally. My advice is to be concious of what you are doing during the day. If you are texting her more, unresponded? Stop texting so much. It will be hard at first, but after a week, you will change the basic dynamic and you won't do this so much.

YOu start to think about her randomly throughout the day? When you start thinking of her, do wahtever your favorite activity is. Take your mind off of her. It will be tough, but after a little while, you will stop thinking about her so much. No, you won't be removing emotional investment, you will just be going back to not orbiting around her.

The more significant things in your life, the more you can divide your focus. Join some groups, have some hobbies. It's going to be hard at first. I am going to be doing some long distance stuff too soon. Stand by for that, it will help!

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[color=red:7c51ae7520]email is a better option: thelockestar@gmail.com[/color:7c51ae7520][/size:7c51ae7520]

nope, because you said the same thing I was; yours just worded better
:p

_________________
[color=red:7c51ae7520]email is a better option: thelockestar@gmail.com[/color:7c51ae7520][/size:7c51ae7520]

There is some wonderful advice here and as Locke has pointed out using the end of the relationship as a means to stabilize your relationship is a bad idea. Having a healthy relationship(all over again) isn't hard. At one point I had to take her picture off of my cell phone so that I didn't think about her as much, but then I realized that I should be using my weakness to my advantage. I should be using it to fuel my necessity to find alternatives and a healthier relationship. I shouldn't be running from this. It's OK to randomly text her but not a lot. It's alright to give your girlfriend attention, just not too much. That sounds cold and manipulative but if you don't find other things to occupy your time(due to the fact that you will be spending so much of it on her), she will fall under the impression that you need her. That's the last thing a confident girl who knows her value will want from someone else. A girl wants to be with someone they can envy. Someone with better answers. Someone who will give them a little chase now and again, but also someone that will provide stern affection and vulnerability. This is all information we've heard before. Be strong and present yourself that way. Always work hard to find a good answer. Never lose your composure.

Back to the topic at hand.

How I Have Repaired The Situation:

I used the end of the relationship as a means to get her to invest more of herself into our relationship. I did NOT threaten to break up with her. I simply used the notion that if we weren't together I wouldn't be crushed. I could move on, and in time we'd be happy once again.

I agree with Locke, but there are very few, select situations which this can be used. In my circumstance it was appropriate because of her knowledge of her self worth and her amount of confidence. It worked ONLY because I knew she could handle it. I know her well and it wasn't a hard situation to calibrate. Other girls, however, will find this very unattractive and run from the situation because of the lack of security it provides. I don't recommend using it unless both of you have legitimate feelings for one another.

We're in a LDR. Spent a year together. Trust is there. Distance is no issue. By nature I'm very confident so there is no problem with assuming a dominant role over her. I just lightly neg her and DHV. We're great right now. She's moving back in 2 months.

Side Note:

A flaw I've encountered in my relationship game is that because I am emotionally invested in this girl that I feel a lot more prone to try and qualify myself to her. It's a lot harder to remain dominant in situations with her because I am trying so hard to relate to her in every single little way. If she's telling me how bad her day was, for example, I immediately try and jump in on the conversation with advice and try to help her. If I was talking normally to another person I would instead be listening and carrying on confidently, not thinking about whether or not they like me at that particular moment. I know that I'm not alone. Slow down, think, and be natural. Don't let her control you. She has no power over you, nor does anyone else.

Not true. You have to build a great relationship first before you can be apart successfully. LD can improve a relationship dramatically if your feelings are legit. I can't say I was successful at first because I have previously performed like an AFC.